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#72073 - 12/08/04 12:24 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Vicki M. Taylor Offline

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
Welcome, Daphne. What a wonderful start you've made to your month. Truly inspiring.

I've thought about your question about our visions and I too have transformed my "would like to do's" into visions of "will do's"

I will organize my office so I can feel inspiration wash over me as I sit down at my computer to write each day.

I will remove all boxes and "stuff" from my bedroom so that it feels more like a retreat instead of a storeroom.

I will continue to write my books so that others can read the words that bubble up from inside of me onto my pages everyday.

I will sort through the clutter of my life and downsize my "must have's" so that my children won't have to be burdened with my mess after I pass on.

I will appreciate my husband more and work on ways we can spend more time together by contributing to our financial independence.

I will find more ways to communicate with my children and help them to grow and mature as they develop their own lives with their families.

I will welcome any grandchildren my children see fit to bequeath me (grin) with open arms and open mind.

I will take lessons from my dog and learn to love everyone as unconditionally as he does.

I will listen to my spirit more and my negative thoughts less.

[ December 07, 2004, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Vicki M. Taylor ]

#72074 - 12/08/04 01:15 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Dian Offline

Registered: 04/30/04
Posts: 401
Loc: Moundsville, WV
Welcome, Daphne.

I'm eager to read your book. Many life changes have happened this last year and as I go on I need to get "centered."

The term, Soulful Midlife, is a great mantra to repeat in one's mind.

Looking forward to more of your thoughts.

#72075 - 12/08/04 04:04 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
JJ--I responded to your question this morning, and for some reason it didn't post right.
Here's a recap: Carl Jung said that people don't really get interesting until the second half of their lives. As we gradually turn away from raising kids and writing resumes and turn inward to know ourselves better, we step into what I call our "birthright," becoming more and more who we were created to be.
For some of us, the turn inward means getting more introspective and meditative. Coming to terms with our physical limitations, paradoxically, frees us to think about who we are beyond our roles as mothers and wives and professionals and all the other roles the world assigns us.
For others, the shift means taking the time to be adventurous in new ways in the world. Taking trips, taking up new hobbies, changing professions, etc., all represent living into a vision for the second half of life.
In my book, I talk about my friend Heather, who built a house in response to a traumatic mid-life divorce. Heather literally built new living space for herself. I call my own space my "watercolor bedroom" where I incubate dreams and cocoon in comforting space. There are lots of ways to create a vision--or to be claimed by a vision, as I put it in my book.
Hope this one posts! A good question. I'm interested in how others have created or lived into a vision for the second half of life. What do you hope to be doing? How do you envision living? What are your dreams for the future?
And how has your life already changed? What visions have you already realized as a midlife woman?

#72076 - 12/08/04 04:32 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
Well, DUH! Cottonhead strikes again--I re-read the page, and realized my post HAD gone through this morning. I recapped my response to JJ before I realized I had read the whole log wrong, and had missed my own entry--as well as the wonderful entries from you wonderful ladies.

I'll be holding your intentions/visions in my prayers as we go through this month together. I agree with Dotsie: The most important thing I do each day is to light a candle, read Scripture, pray, write in my journal, and walk. If I don't get that time in the morning, I'm a little off center for the rest of the day. And I agree that the effects in our lives are cumulative, not usually quick. It's as though our hearts begin to beat in the rhythm of the prayers that we pray. I've pondered about that in light of the injunction to "pray without ceasing."

So obviously I don't get to this every day. I'm as prone to distraction as I am to anything else. My first prayer, in fact, is always, "Thank You for the grace to get here in prayer this morning." And when I don't get there, I'm comforted by the knowledge that there are people all over the world who have gotten there this morning--the communion of saints.

Thanks for all you're giving to me. Chickadee, I want to know what vitamins you're taking! I'm intrigued by all that you're doing and envisioning. (a grand-baby and permanent roots store sounds inviting. . .) TVC15, I hope you feel better. Vicki, I'm cherishing your ideas, especially the one about down-sizing the "must-haves," and learning from your dog. (I guess that means your dog is a must-have, huh?) Dian, I hadn't thought of "soulful midlife" as a mantra, but it's a lovely phrase, isn't it? Maybe that's a good walking-mantra . .I'll have to keep it with me.

Oh--one bit of logistics. Someone tried to buy my book locally, and was told it's out of print. That's not true, but the big book chains aren't likely to have it on the shelves. If you want to order it through my web site (, I'll send it right out to you priority mail. Or you can get it at, or

Thanks again!

#72077 - 12/08/04 05:19 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
smilinize Offline

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Unless I live to be more than 100 years old (which I am not planning to do) I am already in the second half of life. I started this post to ask how one develops a vision for the second half of life, but maybe I'm not ready for it.
For the first time since I became an adult, I have no vision, no mission, no goals, or expectations. I am simply focusing on finding the joy in each moment as it comes. Sometimes it is difficult to find the joy, but it is always there if I look for it.
Sometimes it worries me that I don't know where I am going or how to get there, but it is a great blessing to just forget about tomorrow and live for today.
For the first time I am allowing myself to have dreams without turning them into plans. It's a relief.

#72078 - 12/08/04 07:23 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
But every vision is different. It's fun to try on different ones and see what bears fruit. Kind of like playing dress-up when we were little girls.\ posted by Daphne

I have some friends who are playing dress-up and working out what they want to do with the rest of their lives. It's fun to watch.

Daphne wrote about a "Grandmother God" in one of her chapters and I have to share a piece with you.

"In short, Grandmother God could have a good time. She could dance the dance of one who lives in a less-than-perfect body and sing her songs in a less-than-perfect-voice. And because she was less than perfect, she could invite others to sing and dance along with her--with the abondonement and sparkle that can only be shared by ordinary people in ordinary moments."

Cheers to all of us having that Grandmother God within us.

Who wants to sing and dance?

Daphne, care to share more about that chapter?

[ December 09, 2004, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

#72079 - 12/10/04 01:14 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Okay, how did that happen? The last post that says Daphne was written by me.

I've never seen that before. What the heck?

Anyway, can you talk about Grandmother God please. I loved that term.

#72080 - 12/10/04 04:02 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
Yes, Dotsie, I think something may be going on with the posts. Don't know what it is.

Grandmother God is my term for the Divine Feminine who lives in us all. On one level, she's the internalized Wise Woman--the gift of the positive mothers and mentors and friends who have nurtured us in finding our wisdom. She's the voice, too, who, dares to stand in the face of all those messages we've internalized from the culture and/or our families: the "be perfect" message, or the "youth and beauty are the only things that matter" message, or the "you really have to earn your place on the planet by suffering" message--You probably have your own version of those thought patterns, but they keep us being able to live life joyfully and accept ourselves with equanimity and compassion.

This season is a time to listen for our Grandmother God. When we're beleaguered by expectations to over-function and to ignore symptoms of physical limitations like fatigue and overwhelm that often plague us in December, we know we're really longing for something else--a new way of being in the world.

Hope that clarifies it a little. Anyone's thoughts?

#72081 - 12/11/04 03:52 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
You hit a nerve when explaining those voices because I know (at least for me) that whenever I start to make a major decision, or act on something, one of the first thoughts I have is my Mother's voice inside my head going, "Now why would you want to do that?" Oh Lord! I'm afraid it's those words that have kept me from moving forward in more than one adventure. In some cases, it was a good thing, but in others...

I would like to ask you about AuthorHouse as a publisher. I know you self-published this book, and since I'm having second thoughts about MY current publisher, (or her LACK of publishing) so I'm checking out all doors open to me. Maybe everyone would prefer you answering this directly to me instead of here, but then again, there may be some boomer who wants to know if this is a good company, bad company, the pros and cons,

Thanks in advance...oh and the Mother voices? I've pretty much gotten a handle on that by answering myself with my own question of, "And what do YOU think about it Georgia?"

#72082 - 12/12/04 11:19 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
I decided to publish my book with a Print-on-Demand house because:

1. I wanted full editorial control over the work.

2. I wanted to retain all rights.

3. I've seen worthy books go out of print. I knew a POD book would stay available.

4. Publishing houses don't usually promote books beyond the first few months. In the current market, an author is required to do much of her own promotion anyway--unless she's a celebrity, in which case she doesn't NEED the publisher to do a lot of promotion.

5. Pop psychology doesn't fit for me, but it's what publishers often assume that readers want.

My book is selling well. More important to me, it's finding its way into the hands of people who really need it. Publication has created a surge in my therapy and coaching practice--and provided nice opportunities to do women's retreats and speeches. I love doing all that work.

So I come back to the question about creating a vision: My vision was to write and publish a book, and to do more writing and therapy and coaching and teaching. My vision was also to have fun, to write more, and to facilitate others in finding their own gifts and discovering meaning in midlife.

So what do YOU think about this, Georgia? (and anyone else, too!)

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