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#71383 - 04/08/07 02:13 PM
Re: spoiled stepchildren
[Re: Dianne]
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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hotflashgal, I think you should go and put your best self forward! Although no longer a step parent, I know how the ex-wife can attemtp to sway others. I learned that if the ex-wife and her family saw me avoiding a situation simply because it is uncomfortable, they would feed on my emotions and reluctance. Thus, when visiting the step-son in NM (baseball games and other activities), I would simply smile and march forward. Also, at weddings when I feel uncomfortable, I simply eat! This way I don't have to talk to anyone and if so, it would be about the food! Oh, these are wonderful strawberries, I simply cannot help myself! or, I just love cooked baby carrots! This way others will do the talking and I just simply nod and smile, giving a positive acknowledgment. I hope all goes well for you!
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#71384 - 04/09/07 04:05 AM
Re: spoiled stepchildren *DELETED*
[Re: Anno]
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Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 191
Loc: New Jersey
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#71385 - 04/09/07 05:03 AM
Re: spoiled stepchildren
[Re: hotflashgal]
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Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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Quote:
Interesting questions, Anno. I would like to go because I know that it is a big day for my husband and as his wife I would like to share it with him. Not from the standpoint of being a mother, but as his wife. However, I am not sure that it would matter to him if I was there. As long as he is there for his daughter is all that would matter. I suppose I should ask him. I do not think that I would be welcome by his children. Their belief is that they have one mother and one father, and no one else is included in the family. They are rather clan like. Even though their parents have been divorced for 24 years, they want no one else in, and constantly do things to bring their parents together. I have two children of my own and had no desire to act in any way as their mother, but my husband does have two seperate lives...one with them and then I get the leftovers. I am on the fence about this wedding and I am generally disappointed about the way things have played out in regarding the family situation. It is like everything is compartmentalized. I think it really detracts from having a deep relationship with my husband.
If you have been invited to the wedding, then at least attend the wedding ceremony. However, it might be wise just to get feedback from your hubby. He also should know how you feel and it be best in a non-accusatory way.
THere is no point being at an occasion where you will be deliberately shunned.
I don't have the same problems. However I will be attending his son's wedding this year. I have already said wryily to my partner,..."and I suppose the bride and groom will seat all the parents and their partners at one table".
His ex is civil but she is not a woman I would normally befriend ...even as just a woman. Our worlds are far apart. And her partner is a pleasant, but pompous guy. I can just see the evening....oh well. I might as well enjoy the spectacle. The bride is an only child (but hardworking young woman)...so you can guess the level detail on the preparations..
Will I be shunned? I will be a guest there. Well, his children are not my children. I have to get real. I get along well with each adult child and we all have meals together, have hours of good conversation, etc. But in the end, I did not raise them, I am just the children's friend. I prefer this particular position in the end.
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#71386 - 04/09/07 12:32 PM
Re: spoiled stepchildren
[Re: orchid]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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How does your husband feel about you going to the wedding? Has he said anything to you?
I'd go because your absence says a lot more than you being there with a smile on your face. It's tough, I know that! I made myself sick I was so stressed beforehand.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#71390 - 04/14/07 01:31 AM
Post deleted by Dotsie
[Re: TVC15]
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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#71391 - 04/14/07 03:37 AM
Re: spoiled stepchildren
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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It seems if you don't go, your husband will be the one hurt most and you will be playing right into the hands of his ex. She will be the parent with her significant other at her side to support her and your husband will be there alone. I don't think you should allow anyone outside your marriage, especially an ex, to have that much power.
I say go, go with class, smile at your wonderful husband and make his ex jealous of your wonderful relationship with her ex-husband and let her be sorry she lost him to such a wonderful, beautiful woman as you are. You have every right to be there and you can be the greatest lady of all.
Smile and expect to enjoy every moment. Never let 'em see you sweat.
smile
_________________________
Original plays and musicals for groups and events. [url=http://historytheater.org/index.html]
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#71392 - 04/14/07 03:36 PM
Re: spoiled stepchildren *DELETED*
[Re: smilinize]
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Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 191
Loc: New Jersey
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