Site Links










Top Posters
Dotsie 23647
chatty lady 20267
jawjaw 12025
jabber 10032
Dianne 6123
Latest Photos
car
Useable gifts!
Winter wonderland/fantasy for real
The Soap lady meets the Senator
baby chicks
Angel
Quilted Christmas Stocking
Latest Quilt
Shelter from the storm
A new life
Who's Online
0 Registered (), 162 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
3239 Members
63 Forums
16332 Topics
210704 Posts

Max Online: 409 @ 01/17/20 03:33 AM
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6 >
Topic Options
#71363 - 06/25/06 09:03 PM spoiled stepchildren
BonnieK Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Chicago suburbs
Oh my I am so excited to find this forum!

My significant other and I have been together almost 8 years. His daughters are now 20 & 22. Their mother is extremely wealthy and has spoiled them so badly, that I can barely breath when I am around them. There values are completely warped. They are both like little Paris Hiltons. Dad does not help. He lets them get away with everything, makes excused for them and thinks they are both queens and I should embrace them because they breathe. He asked me help one of them get a summer job, then later finds out that she has so many summer trips planned that she can't commit to a full summer. Fathers day: I went to visit my dad out of town. Because he wanted to "spend the day with his daughters, he would not move his dinner reservation up a half hour. That is all that would have needed to be adjusted to be able to pick me up at the airport. He wouldn't do it. Told me to take a cab. Not that I cannot do it, but please give me a break. My travel experience on that trip was so bad that I called him again and asked him to move his reservation to pick me up, I was so stressed. He said no...

Help!

Top
#71364 - 06/25/06 09:42 PM Re: spoiled stepchildren
bamgibbs Offline
Member

Registered: 06/06/06
Posts: 322
Loc: Durham, NC
First of all, Welcome to the site BonnieK. This is the place to express yourself---for sure!

WOW! Your "significant other" is something else when it comes to his girls. Now, it could be worse. He could totally ignore them---be a dead beat dad---and then what would you think of him? My daughter has a father like that and it breaks both of our hearts.

I'm curious....what attracted you to him and why did he and his ex break up? If it's too personal, you don't have to answer. But I believe some people always put their "best foot forward" until you get to know them---and then LOOK OUT!

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, WHATEVER! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age

Top
#71365 - 06/26/06 05:11 AM Re: spoiled stepchildren
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Seems this isn't the first BWS post about choosing children over spouses in step-parenting situations. Do you think he just feels guilty ?

Top
#71366 - 06/26/06 06:54 AM Re: spoiled stepchildren
BonnieK Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Chicago suburbs
Dotsie, you are right, he is so guilty and has no reason to. What attracted me to him initially was what a great dad he was. My ex was a an awful father. I also knew him in my other life (first marriage). I felt safe, he knew my kids, he even knew my ex ( I knew his too. We were also getting diovrced at the same time. Misery loveds company. His ex divorced him mostly because of money. He lost is job about 10 years into the marriage. Her father is very wealthy and helped finance his new business. The ex continued to work. The business failed and so did the marriage. So he is broke and Daddy kept filtering money to her. He knows how spoiled and badly behaved they are, but for some reason is so guilt ridden, he just puts up with it. And as far as I go, I'm really down on the food chain. It makes it almost impossible to like these kids. And of course, I'm the bad guy. Any advice?

[ June 26, 2006, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: BonnieK ]

Top
#71367 - 06/26/06 11:56 PM Re: spoiled stepchildren
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
BonnieK, my second ex had a beautiful daughter only about 8 years younger than me. He was 22 years my senior. She was spoiled rotten, lived in Newport Beach with a wealthy man and she was daddys girl. She came to our home to visit and decided she wanted all daddys attention and wanted only he and she to go out to dinner. I said to him, "go and keep on going pal. I am your family now, your wife and don't take second place to anyone." He told his daughter that either we all go or she can eat alone. I told her that I would go grocery shopping and be gone a couple of hours so she could spend private time with her dad. She and I became okay friends, but I believe they'll treat you the way you allow them to treat you, the husband and the kids....

[ June 26, 2006, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Top
#71368 - 06/27/06 01:30 AM Re: spoiled stepchildren
BonnieK Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Chicago suburbs
Chatty,

I understand what you are saying. What could I have done? Given him an ultimatum? Either pick me up or we are finished? I have put my foot down on many things, but he doesn't get it.

Top
#71369 - 06/27/06 05:48 PM Re: spoiled stepchildren
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
I kind of know what you're going through Bonnie. My 2nd x had 2 children, 11 & 14 and I moved into their house. They were very resentful that I used my things, rather than theirs. They didn't want me to change anything in the home and always felt like a visitor. I couldn't even move a picture. It was such a relief to get out.

Are there any other relationship problems in your situation? Your husband needs to understand that the children will benefit more if he puts you first, then you will be filled up and therefore better able to love his children. 2 is better than 1. Any hope for couple counseling?

Daisygirl

Top
#71370 - 06/29/06 07:55 AM Re: spoiled stepchildren
BonnieK Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/06
Posts: 45
Loc: Chicago suburbs
He (we are not married, but very intertwined financially) and I have lots of problems...and he won't go to counseling. I had it out with him again last nite and just won't look at himself. He says I overreact and thought I was completely out of line asking him to change his dinner by a half hour with his daughter. Said we could go to a million therapists and no one would agree with me...sigh...at that point, I just stopped talking.

Top
#71371 - 06/28/06 08:03 PM Re: spoiled stepchildren
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Bonnie,
Welcome! Do you mind if I ask a question or two? What do you want in a relationship? Is he capable of giving it?

Also an observation. It appears that there are lots of issues surrounding money that he has, his ex- has, his kids have and perhaps you have. Probably not the best situation for money intertwining. :--))

Take care!

Top
#71372 - 06/28/06 08:07 PM Re: spoiled stepchildren
49erDonna Offline
Member

Registered: 06/24/06
Posts: 384
Loc: California
It sounds like he is incorrect about the idea of no therapist agreeing with you. Might it help if you went to counseling on your own. That would maybe be a time just for you - a way in which to build up your confidence in yourself and possibly give you some methods for dealing / coping with the relationship problems where you can feel stronger about being in the relationship. just a thought..

Good luck, I feel bad that it sounds like the financial situation has you in a relationship which might not be where you want to be. I'll pray that you and he can work it all out.

Donna

Top
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6 >



NABBW.com | Forum Testimonials | Newsletter Sign Up | View Our Newsletter | Advertise With Us
About the Founder | Media Room | Contact BWS
Resources for Women | Boomer Books | Recent Reads | Boomer Links | Our Voices | Home

Boomer Women Speak
9672 W US Highway 20, Galena, IL 61036 • info@boomerwomenspeak.com • 1-877-BOOMERZ

Boomer Women Speak cannot be held accountable for any personal relationships or meetings face-to-face that develop because of interaction with the forums. In addition, we cannot be held accountable for any information posted in Boomer Women Speak forums.

Boomer Women Speak does not represent or endorse the reliability of any information or offers in connection with advertisements,
articles or other information displayed on our site. Please do your own due diligence when viewing our information.

Privacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer

Copyright 2002-2019 • Boomer Women SpeakBoomerCo Inc. • All rights reserved