Bubbles. I am so glad you got him into a safe place, and that you will now have some freedom to create your own life.

I believe people can change, he might just have some kind of realization about life while he's there that can turn him around. I'm convinced you did the right thing for all concerned.

I replied earlier in this thread and just found it again. You mentioned that you had visited Old Montreal (where I live) and that you enjoyed it. I wanted to tell you that they have build up the Port area and it's now a beautiful park with every kind of entertainment you can imagine. But it still has the "olde world" charm of the cobble stone streets etc.

Suggestion: Make this your year. Make a list of a few things you've always wanted to do and do them.

[ March 14, 2006, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: sami ]

Bubbles, welcome to the forum. My heart goes out to you! I know a little about what you have been going through as my own daughter is in jail right now and her behavior was violent and she seethed with anger for a number of years.

I've done some interesting research about the development of the human brain from birth until about the age of 20-23. The interesting thing is that the frontal lobe of the brain doesn't fully develop until the early 20's. The frontal lobe is the area of the brain that controls impuplsiveness and the ability to make wise choices. They lack the ability to discern long term consequences. We can basically "hold them to the line" behavior wise, but until that development happens and the training plus the maturity takes place, they are loose cannons.
It sound like you have gone way beyond what anyone would have done and are the stability the boy has needed.
Any chance he can escape?? Please guard yourself and your family. If he is that angry and full of rage, he really is lethal.

Bubbles, my heart goes out to you, too. It's a tough time you are having and I hope you are doing things to take care of yourself.

I don't know how we handle these kids. There seem to be more and more of them. Expecting parents to have all the answers is unreasonable. These aren't "normal" situations.

Bubbles, thanks for doing what you are doing to protect everyone, including yourself.

Any chance he can escape?? Please guard yourself and your family. If he is that angry and full of rage, he really is lethal. [/QB][/QUOTE]

No, no chance he can escape ~ he's in a locked facility with every door and hallway locked up tighter'n'a'drum. We haven't seen him since last Saturday; he called last Monday and was very nasty to me. I have no desire to see him until Tuesday when we have our hearing to hopefully have him authorized to stay another 180 days. That will overlap to when he's moved to a CLIP facility. That will be locked, too.

Now, he claims that we haven't taught him anything about how to behave and to do the right things. Suddenly, now that he realizes that he can't get out without a court order, he's going to participate in therapy? Yeah right. He's going to listen and do the things that we ask for and want? yeah right.

Bubbles, Now that he is out of your life for a bit, what self-care can you put in place? Pedicure? Massage? Long walk in nature? (although if your nature up there is anything like what we have down here, it's pretty stormy!) A good book? Movie? Lunch with a friend?

Important stuff for surviving this type of thing over the long haul.

You know, I think that is how I've managed to live this long through my whole life, but especially when it gets really bad. I learned to take time for myself. I also work out of my home, so it's great until he's suspended for 45 days!! LOL I do take pretty good care of myself and some days I just sit and do nothing! For a long time early on in this, I would ignore "me"...blood pressure would just soar, I was angry all the time...I realized I was letting him control me and I had to learn to walk away. So, I started taking those little things for myself. He doesn't own me.

Good for you!!!!

My ex husband knew a married couple up in Minnesota before he moved here to Nevada. He described the woman as sickly, always in and out of the doctors office. He said she probably wouldn't last long and existed on pills. A year later the husband died suddenly. The following summer we drove up there and found her the picture of health. She said her health began to improve a week after they dropped him into the hole and she was off all medication within a month. Its 11 years later and she has vacationed every year to some more exotic place and is said to be the bell of the ball wherever she goes. I asked her once will she ever marry again? She laughed and said NOPE, had that disease already and was cured.....So you see stress is really a killer and no bad marriage is worth that....

Didn't some of you women notice a feeling of relief and peacefulness after your divorce was finally over? Like being able to take a huge cleansing breath of fresh air.