Okay, I don't know if I can keep this as short as I'd like...I typed into Google search "my stepson is going to kill me" and found this site, a reference to an old post from 2004.

I have been in this boy's life for nearly 10 years. He lives with his father and has since he was 3. He no longer has visits with his mother, as his mental health was deteriorating drastically due to her incredibly chaotic life. She sees him about twice a year here at our house. We don't want her to but she does pretty much stay out of the picture.

S has fetal alcohol syndrome and very serious attachment issues, as well as ADHD and some sensory issues. He's 14 now.

I have struggled with my poor behaviour for years in dealing with him. I have improved a great deal but he has not. It doesn't matter to him how I behave but it's healthier for me and my blood pressure to not react the way that I used to. And I have realized too that it doesn't matter that it's "me", he would treat any stepmother this way due to his anger issues with his own mother...and that I've taken his father's attention away from him. This boy is so difficult to live with.

He is one of the most difficult people to live with, you have no idea. He is miserable when he isn't doing whatever he wants to do. If he doesn't like something, no matter what it is, you don't know what will happen. He is under strict supervision 99% of the time because he lies, steals, and cannot control his impulses.

But the serious thing that is happening right now is the death threats that he's made to two different kids at school. And yesterday was the first time that I became "afraid" of him. I got a look that you would not believe, one that no one in my 39 years has ever given me. His father agrees that he's dangerous and is a danger to others and that I should not get him angry over things that are not that important, such as me telling the boy not to use my garden cart for what he was using it for (he always, always, always uses my things without asking and then uses them not for their intended purpose and I'm tired of it). I got that look over him not asking me to use the cart? Why the h*ll should I let him use my things when he is never, never, never nice to me unless there is a meal involved?? And that is the honest to God truth!

Our whole house is like a prison to his moods, his disabilities, his whatever. I can separate what his disabilities are versus his mean-spirited stuff that is vicious.

I am so afraid that this boy will kill me that I am almost crippled with the fear this morning. I woke up far too early and started thinking about it and couldn't get back to sleep.

What do you do in this type of a situation? I feel that if he even remotely senses fear or hears me vocalize this, he'll have power over me and with him...it's all about control.

Bubbles.....You are sitting on a powder keg!
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome can not be cured.....and I've seen it happen where what you fear has come true.
I see you're from Washington State also.
It happened in our state many years ago.
I'm originally from Northern Calif. and it also happened in my home town.
Please......get some outside help.
I'm sure there is someone here at BWS that knows much more about this than myself.
All I can do is welcome you to BWS, and I know you will get help from these wonderful women.
Lynne

I know that FAS can't be cured. There isn't much we can do. I'm in contact with his therapist, we've done everything that we can since he was seven years old. I have advocated for special ed, for mental help, hospitalizations, respite, everything. Though some have lessened behaviours, I think that the underlying mean in him, is just there.

I'm telling his father when he gets home that the two of them are going to have to come up with a plan for awhile. I have to have a break from being responsible for anything that has to do with Shawn. I'm so sick of his crap that I don't even want to look at him and that isn't very nice at all to say but it's how I feel.

Shawn blames me for everything so I suggest that I do NOTHING and see how it all compares. I'll guarantee you, he won't like that either.

How does a woman live every day where you can see and hear from a child that they blame you for literally everything? Wouldn't that wear on someone? And he wants to kill ME? Should be the other way around!!

If you know and can prove that a person is a danger to themselves or others, you can have them committed to an institution where they are dealt with by professionals. Would your husband do this?

If he has no impulse control, there is nothing to stop him from acting on his violent thoughts and feelings toward you or others. I know you'd also hate that he hurt another kid at school and it could have been prevented.

I'm really sorry you're in the middle of this very scary situation but I'm also really glad you found us. Please be careful and stay safe.

I won't claim to know anything about FAS but you are sitting on a powder keg--and if isn't you who sets it off it could be an innocent child or teacher at school. You need to report this to the authorities ASAP--before you are having to answer to a lot of other people. If the parents at Columbine or any of those other school shootings had done something radical with their children a lot of lives could have been saved. It might be hard to do, but you could save a lot of lives--perhaps even your stepson's. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Bubbles,

Your best bet is to use Tough Love with Shawn.
If, he steals from you press charges, if he threatens you press charges. When he threatens the other kids at school...have the school press charges.
If, your afraid for your life and he has threatened you..press charges, have them haul him away to juvenile hall, a mental facility, etc. wherever.
When you press charges against him a court date will be set. When you get in front of the judge tell him about his behavior at home, school, etc.
Court will see to it that therapy, medicine, etc. is mandatory for him.

My son was just about the same way at the age of 14.
All of us were scared, of his antics, his treats of suicide and hurting others.

If, you let him get by with all of this it will only get worse.
Any threat...large or small call the police have them come out. If, you are afraid for you life have them haul him off.
The longer he gets away with it, the worse it gets.
You will be showing Shawn how much you care about him by calling. He just doesn't know it right now.

Make your husband see this! It's the only way.
Get the court behind you.

All very good advise above, Now follow through before this child makes his threats a reality. He sounds like one of the hopeless for whatever reason and you need to worry now about the innocent ones he might harm, including yourself. Get him committed and some care if not help. This situation just makes my heart hurt. Do something now and if his father does not agree, do it anyway....just do something.

Shawn has been in psych facilities and also in a home for four months two years ago. It is always nice when he isn't here...I have disengaged a great deal the last couple of days. His therapist has recommended that he have a threat assessment; just wonder how much that will cost. Hopefully our insurance will cover it. The insurance that we have is pretty good but who knows...

Dad is handling things with him, other than what he can't do with being at work when the kids are getting up and off to school.

I'm focusing on other things right now, having the school contact his father and leaving me out of things. I'm going to see his therapist alone, as she works often with just dad and I without Shawn there, as Shawn doesn't particularly contribute anything constructive to discussions of his behaviours. I have to let her know what I feel about things without dad there to hear, as I really don't want to hurt him. He and I do talk about the seriousness of how dangerous Shawn is, or could be, but I don't think that he can deal with putting him out of the house if it came down to it. He has had his own issues as a boy with his father and his stepfather; abandoned by one and beaten continually by the other. His stepfather blamed him for the death of one of my husband's sisters, and then also said that my husband should have died instead. We think that the stepfather was sexually abusing the little girl and when she died, he couldn't handle it so took it out on my husband. Two years after that, however, stepfather died. Too late however, the damage was done and my husband's never dealt with the pain from this.

I'm too strong a woman to have this defeat me/us.

Good for you bubbles...you are headed in the right direction!

There is NOTHING easy about dealing with a situation like this!

danita

Bubbles...he will have to deal with Shawn sooner or later. Can't allow him to hurt others or himself.
Sounds as if he is in need of some behavior modification.
Shawn must have done well in the psych facility and home if they released him home, after just 4 months. So, he evidently knows how to get what he wants. If, that's the case your going to need the tough love.
Is he on medication? Court can order therapy and if necessary medication, (also, to make sure he takes it daily).
It's not a punishment, might just be his only shot. Tough Love is easier said than done...but, it's the only thing that seems to work with these kids. My heart goes out to you.
Was the only saving grace for my son...he was totally out of control.