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#71247 - 12/13/05 08:54 AM Burst bubble
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Ok, as many of you know, DH and I "threw" a private baby shower for his daughter and her DH. Since I never had my own, it's been difficult for me to attend ANY baby shower in many, many years. So THIS was a huge step for me.

A few weeks ago, I sent out an email to close family/friends announcing this shower. I feel I've taken great strides in healing thru childlessness and this was something that I felt excited about. After all, wouldn't any mother be excited and throw a shower??

The email simply asked if anyone wanted to send a card of something. I did NOT solicit gifts, but my family is just a giving kind of people. Well, after DSD and her DH left, I received a couple of gifts: a check from my 1st cousin once removed; a gift cert. from my sister and a gift from a friend.

NOW, DSD has asked me to not have people send gifts because "they don't even know us" and they'd prefer them saving their money for their own families. I'm hurt. However, I've discussed this with DH and he will talk to his DD.

This shows me that, even though we "CNBC'ers" (childless not by choicers) mean well, we are still misunderstood. No bad feelings here, but I really am excited about this no. 1, because this is the ONLY daughter I'll ever have; no 2, because I'm excited about being a grandma-to-be and never had kids; no. 3, this is healing for me, yet I'm being stifled.

I also realized that they do not understand the depth of a loss such as childlessness and really only see this as people giving money to them, even though they do not need it. I'd like for them to see this as "gifts from the heart", because, and not to sound haughty, these people love ME and know the kind of heartache childlessness has been.

DH understands and has been educate by me enough. So I've asked him for some advice. He says he'll write to her to convey what she needs to hear. He's wonderful!

[ December 13, 2005, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: Di ]

#71248 - 12/13/05 05:29 PM Re: Burst bubble
Pattyann Offline

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 245
Loc: Ocala Florida
You are aloving woman and be proud of yourself fpr getting beyond your own pain to open your heart
Step- parenting is hard- my husband has three children and we have been married for almost 14 years but it took the birth of his oldest daughter's first child for me to be accepted as family- there is hope- keep giving love- I truly believe what you give returns to you
Bright blessings

#71249 - 12/13/05 06:02 PM Re: Burst bubble
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Di I wish I had been blessed with a Mother-in-law like you... JJ

#71250 - 12/13/05 07:06 PM Re: Burst bubble
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Di, you are also a great communicator. That is what is at the root of the best marriages. I'm glad your hubby came around.

#71251 - 12/13/05 07:08 PM Re: Burst bubble
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Thanks you guys. Funny thing is........I have already been accepted. DH wrote to his DD and simply told that it is the language of love.

Many years ago when I first accepted Christ as Savior, the first place He hit me was in my giving. I was a very selfish person. Now that I've been able to GIVE, sometimes it gets stifled. I hope to convey this to them some day.

Thanks, JJ. Actually, I'm her stepmother!! However, I guess I am a mother-in-law, her DH!!

#71252 - 12/14/05 08:21 AM Re: Burst bubble
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Of course... in my haste to send a cyber warm fuzzy, I wrote MIL...Duh...I can be so blonde sometimes.


#71253 - 12/14/05 08:47 AM Re: Burst bubble
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Oh biggy.

DSD wrote back to say how hard it is to accept things (other than cards) from family, let alone from people who do not know them.

But even God, "who so loved the WORLD" went beyond His local family/friends. He could have said "For God so loved Israel(only)"....

Love has no boundaries. Love is kind. I think they will realize that when they are parents themselves.

My hope is that they are learning something from my family's giving....and from me. I want to be used of God and what better way than by way of love?

#71254 - 12/14/05 02:03 AM Re: Burst bubble
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I have a deep feeling in my heart that this will all work out for you Di and that it is happening even now, slow but sure. Just remain on your course of kindness and understanding and all will be fine in time....Learn to love and accept the new baby when it arrives as you might have loved your own. The child is guiltless in all this and will love you unconditionally as Grandma, which is not a bad thing to be, right all you Grandma's out there?

#71255 - 12/14/05 03:13 AM Re: Burst bubble
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
For 100% sure Chatty. I love my grandkids so much. They melt the heart. Di, you're gonna be a great grammy!

#71256 - 12/16/05 08:44 AM Re: Burst bubble
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Well, this has gone a bit too far. DSD how has asked DH if my feelings are hurt.

I just don't know what to do. To me, I think it's the heart of the receiver that is having difficulty. Why is this making me upset when I feel like I'm doing my best?

Maybe, (thinking aloud) my "motive" is to help ME do my best to help in my childlessness affliction by giving to that one thing that saddens me: a pregnant woman. She will have what I will never have. So, I am trying (for me) to over compensate. But DSD does not how to receive and really does not KNOW what my feelings behind it are.

Does this make sense to anyone? I'm a mess right now.

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