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#71186 - 08/24/05 09:37 PM Re: Hi.I am new.
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Maybe your husband had a talk with her?

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#71187 - 08/24/05 09:55 PM Re: Hi.I am new.
TVC15 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 2538
Loc: North Carolina
Enjoy it while it lasts!

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#71188 - 08/24/05 10:57 PM Re: Hi.I am new.
Debs Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
Oh ya know. I did have to laugh today. He came in from 12 hr days. I usually leave him for a bit to get settled home. I heard his daughter out with him so left him for a bit . She then went out, so I popped in to the kitchen to say hello. Ya know what he does?? Moans. "SOON as I walk in Deb, shes asking for bloody money, soon as I WALK IN, Can you beleive it"?? HAHAHAHA Erm Yep I can. I walked away chukling to myself. Rather funny. She didnt get any by the way.
Nice to see him getting the greif instead of me. REAP WHAT YA SOW matey reap what ya sow.

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#71189 - 08/26/05 07:59 AM Re: Hi.I am new.
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I hope this peace continues. Strange how she suddenly changed. Maybe she was threatened with being sent to her mom. I'm praying for you! You need the prayer and I need the practice. [Big Grin]

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#71190 - 08/29/05 10:55 PM Re: Hi.I am new.
Debs Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
Well shes due home soon. Hes collecting her from a friends. I still will not talk to her, and I will still make him deal with what hes made. Hes not liking it one bit.
And to top it all. And this is regarding his son. I was right AGAIN. For the past 18 months or so hes been on his xbox online, nonstop. When he was told to revise for his exams he didnt want to know, hes been on it so much that its affected my 8 year old because of the noise(his room comes from my boys room)Ya try and turn it off ya get a mouthful of grief. Well LOW AND BEHOLD. His exam grades were dreadfully poor. And he joined that school a grade A student. And walked away bearly scraping through. So again I was right. And noone(hubby) wanted to know, cos of the greif it would cause.
Well Hes being allowed to further his education. So I have told hubby that while his son stays in this house he will NOT have the xbox connected to the internet. He is too knuckle down and study. Hes got one last shot. Hubby says that hes gonna hide the real lead to the internet and put a dud one in. I TOLD him hes got to start being a man and a father, and tell his son the real reason the xbox aint goin on. Its our house he dunt like the rules he can go live with his mother, cos she can handle him more.
Thanks to all that helped with thier advice to me,much appreciated. Even my mums noticed I am more harder and tougher. Said its about time. I shall keep you posted on events.
Thanks again

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#71191 - 08/31/05 09:05 PM Re: Hi.I am new.
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Debs, why are these kids acting out? CAn you put your finger on it? SOunds like they are hurting as well.

I agree the X Box should be taken away. He should be told that when the grades get better, he can have his X Box for a certain amt. of time each day. We are the parents. We need to set the limits.

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#71192 - 09/01/05 12:07 AM Re: Hi.I am new.
Debs Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
I really have no idea as to why they are acting like they do. Only COS Daddy has let them, is all I can figure.
As for his son, hes gone ballistic that hes not allowed to have the xbox on, right down to not wanting to sleep here. Hes coming back for dinner and then staying at Garys uncles house or his mums. He feels pushed out. But he hasnt mingled with the family for nearly 2 years. We bought tickets to go see Greenday. One of our fav bands, and his and stepdaughters. He was so excited. The 3 days before we are due to go, he doesnt want to come. He got moody cos we were going out yesterday cos we didnt tell him. But he didnt want to come. What else can we do. Tonight hes TOLD his dad he's not staying here. So why on earth is he coming back here, why cant he just go to his mums. He spends more time with her than he does us anyway.

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#71193 - 09/07/05 07:20 AM Re: Hi.I am new.
DallasGal Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/05
Posts: 218
Loc: Dallas, Texas
Divorce produces delayed anger and fear responses in children. Those going through a divorce supress their emotions b/c they don't understand it - it is only until they begin to see the "big picture" that it hits them like a ton of bricks.

I would serious get her into some counseling to help her unravel all of her emotions. She's at that stage in her life where she is trying to figure out what just who she is independent of everyone - but needs some help overcoming the past as well as some real ground rules established with consequences re: her choice to "disrespect" and not be a responsible member of BOTH of her family environments.

Action steps:

Set guidelines, give consequences, follow through on the consequences (this isn't fun - but natural consequences are good life lessons and by enforcing "rules" you are giving her the consistency, structure and security that she is desiring.

Keep us posted.

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#71194 - 09/07/05 07:57 AM Re: Hi.I am new.
Debs Offline
Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
Had a massive talk with her last week. And basically told her what I thought of her and her intolorant behavour. She really didnt like hearing the truth but she had to know. I told her that there is always someone bigger and better than her, and if she doesnt stop acting like she is she will get the wrong end of people, and will end up with nothing. And that her attitude will NEVER ger her anywhere in life. And if she thinks it will shes very much mistaken. As for the laundry situation, she really didnt like it when her stuff wasnt washed. But I said LOOK at it from my point of veiw, WHY SHOULD I do it with your attitude towards doing things, to help out. She understood. She also didnt like me ignoring her for 5 weeks as well. But I said that it had my life so much bareable. I told her that I would love to have had the mother/daughter relationship with her, that she certainly hasnt got with her mother. That made her think. Her mother and her have no relationship whatso ever. To the point of her not wanting her anymore, shes basically told us that she cant put up with her anymore and no longer wants her there, and can we have her.(NO COMMENT)So hopefully for our sake as well as hers, she listened to what I had to say, which was alot more than I have said. She needs to know that there are other people in this family, not just her. And that she cannt be the centre of attention, when there is a 5 and 8 yr old as well.

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#71195 - 09/06/05 11:56 PM Re: Hi.I am new.
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Debs, now why don't you go back and tell her what you like about her? Maybe you could send her a little card of encouragement. This is what she needs most. She needs love...

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