Dotsie I believe it is since my Birthday...Dianne I looked up the word STEP in the Thesaurus and there were 4 separate listing groups far too many to list here but you might do the same, very interesting and in most cases the word fits, at least in G's case and your own steps case...

Hello Ladies,

I wanted to bring you up to date on what's happened. I got a chuckle out of your definition of step.
My husband and I had a very serious talk about our rules, our position in what has happened. It's true...G regards me as insignicant in this situation yet at the same time tells his father I haven't done enough lately for them...despite the fact that it was my tractor his butt was parked on when he trashed it and it was his wife who I drove to the vet for her sick bird not 2 weeks ago. My husband, Larry, let G know his position, which is beside me and that G needed to accept the fact that I am not going anywhere and that I need to be respected and that he and I make the decisions on things. Larry told G he could not believe how they've treated me after all I've done for them...One of G's responses was "not lately"...despite the fact that, that is not true. Larry told G that he and M (his wife) need to apologize to me, not the other way around. G said he'd go back and talk to M about it and see what she says.
It got me all riled up again after hearing G thinks I've not done enough for them...despite the fact that this father's day went by and not one of Larry's kids cared enough about him to drop 99 cents for a single father's day card.
I think Larry's finally seeing how ungrateful these kids are and how selfish they've behaving. But, in order to make me look bad, they are trying to take the position that it's my fault and not theirs.
I'm proud of my husband for being a real father to his son by telling him the truth. I bought my husband a gift and card thanking him for standing by my side and doing the right thing and left it for him to see when he got home from work...He works crazy hours with the railroad and does not have a set schedule.
That's another thing...despite the fact there have been times Larry has been tired, not much sleep, G would call asking him to come over and help him do this or that...Larry always would. Burns me up to think about how these kids truly are inside and to know their true motives...it's all about them to to heck with what anyone else might feel or need.
I hate to think of the kids they'll be raising.
Thanks for letting me vent...

Wow. G sounds very immature and selfish. At what point do they grow up and stop relying on others to do things for them? Maybe when they're forced into it?

I used to be the buffer...the go between my husband and his sons. They would come to me and ask me to talk to their dad about things before they did or to soften the blow for them when they finally did approach him themselves. They would call me and talk about problems, school, work, everything. All of that can change, as I sadly learned, in one flash. Now, my birthday is ignored, Christmas...any other special occassion. But, I'm okay with it. I really am. I have learned that I need a certain amount of dignity and self-respect to operate in my husband's family. Time will only tell what the outcome is.

I'm proud of your husband for standing by you. A big kiss for him!

Diane,
You're so sweet. How long have you been a step-mom? What ages are they?
What I don't understand about G's behavior is they've had a step mom before who was a witch...really. She never had their best interest at heart and she treated them and my husband badly...this was several years ago of course. I'm the complete opposite...I've nurtured them, been there for them, and never disrespected them. For that, I get rewarded with a slap in the face for saying something to them about disrespecting my property. They're learning that I am fair but I am not a push over. How they've handled this is evidently a problem for them. Not for me. I stand firm and know that I am not in the wrong here. They're behaving like a 2 year old who is pushing and seeing how far they can go before I give in...
When G told his dad that I hadn't done anything for them lately I sat down and made a list of things just to see if G was in fact correct. The list is very long of the things that Larry and I have done for G and his wife. When I tried to write down what we had received from G and his wife the list is blank...except for 'a hard time.' I don't do things for someone expecting something in return, but if G wants to get into a contest about who has done what for whom, then he's the one with egg on his face, not me and Larry. Ingrate and selfish defines G's character at the moment and his wife's.
I can and will be alright if I never interact with them again. I didn't marry them I married Larry. If this is all they have to offer in the way of a relationship...what can we do for them and only grief for us, then we're both better off with them being out of our picture until they grow up and see that how they are behavior is unacceptable behavior in a grownup world.
I know Larry is and will have a tougher time than I as they are his children and naturally he wants them in his life...but, at what price? I for one will never give up my principles to placate childish behavior from an adult. I think this is part of their problem...they've finally met an adult who sees through them and who is not willing to play their game. If they want to be a part of mine and Larry's world they need to be adults, not babies.

I don't think you should have to "prove" all that you've done for them. They already know.

10 Years for me. 10 very long years. They, men, are both in their 30's. One lives in the same city and the other lives in another state.

I hope this works out for you and your husband so both of you are happy.

Dee, What you said above about Larrys passed wife and the kids step mother makes me wonder how much of the marital strife was caused by these selfish chldren???? Maybe she wasn't as strong a personality as you are? Good for Larry being a united front with you. God I am so glad I never had step kids to deal with...bang!

I hope it works out too. My husband said tonight that his son is about to find out that there's just so much his father will take and until he (G) turns things around, he's not going to put himself out there. My husband just keeps impressing me.
I hope that I'm not going to go through 10 years of crap. I'm afraid I would have to keep the distance thing going in order to maintain my own sanity. I don't believe in putting myself in harms way just because it's a family member and no matter what side they happen to be on.
I have a sister who is a trouble maker and I've adjusted really well to not having her in my life...some people don't understand but that's okay, too. I haven't been around her in at least 10 years and she tried to come back about six months ago...I didn't allow it...she hasn't changed and so why go there?

Dear Chatty,
Yep, step kids can make one's life hell. I'm sure the step-kids didn't make her life pleasant...it's hard blending families. Larry and I are at the age where we're both not willing to put up with any bull in our lives...we've both been there and had that done to us and no one, no even our kids, especially at their age, is going to upset the wonderful, loving life we've found with each other.
I'm happy you've never had to deal with steps...you're lucky.

Dee, next time G brings up the "you haven't done anything blahblahblah", give him a copy of the list you made (including his non-contributions), look him in the eye and say, "Did I forget anything?" Good for you and Larry for sticking to your values.

Meridith,
You can be I'll be keeping a copy of that list with me...I'm also going to give a copy of it to Larry for him to keep. The last thing to happen was Larry put the ball in their court...to apologize to me for their disrespective attitude...he says that bothers him more than the tractor damage. That was several days ago and of course we've heard nothing from them, which doesn't surprise us at this point. Larry told me that his kids are finding out that they cannot push him around and that if they want to continue this then he'll stay out of their lives. They have to come to us...it isn't going to be the other way around.
In the meantime mine and larry's life is peaceful and quiet again. Inside I know he's hurting, but we're adjusting.
We're going to be fine.