I have to get some honest opinions here. Don't say what you think I want to hear but the truth as you see it.

Okay, my stepson lives in "MY" town. He followed us here when we moved. I was always very good to him and he stabbed me in the back in a big way and then, lied about it to his dad. I haven't spoken or seen him in over a year.

My husband has never addressed this issue with his son and I have basically been treated like an outsider. However, my husband is now faced with being with me on holidays or with his son. I refuse to be around him.

Okay, my husband comes home once a month. This means I only see him 4-5 days a month, sometimes only 3. He will leave for half a day and go see his son, leaving me alone. I'm alone all the time as it is so it feels like a slap in the face. Last time, he went to dinner with his son and girlfriend and I only agreed to it because he said he was going to have a talk with his son in regards to his behavior, lying, etc. That conversation never took place.

I don't think I should have to share my time. If he came home every week end it would be different. I'm not expecting him to not see his son but my spirit is telling me this isn't right. Add to this, he takes my car so I'm stuck at home.

I was thinking that when he comes home this week end, and wants to see his son, I would tell him to have his son pick him up so I can have my car. Then, I'll go do something with my girlfriends.

This has been a mess for a long time and I'm learning to detach but I'm not sure if I have the right attitude or am being a b#$@%. God knows I've earned the right to be one!

What do you think? If I was in my husband's shoes, I wouldn't take my very short time with him and leave him for one minute to go see my daughter or son. Especially if they'd treated him poorly. I would have nipped it in the bud a long time ago.

Help!

[ March 23, 2005, 11:24 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Oh yoi yoi yoi as my mother would say. First of all you ARE NOT a b@#*#. This young man has been evil and horrible to you and it continues. Its like some dam contest. I have a splendid idea, do you have a good friend, someone you can stand being around for a couple of days? Don't be there with your car when the jerk comes home. Don't cal or bother with him in anyway. If you come home before he leaves just say oh, you here??? Don't play the game, let the guy think you couldn't care less and he'll probably start wondering why? I've done this and it works every time....They can not want you BUT go nuts if they feel not wanted by you....You're too good for this treatment.

[ March 23, 2005, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Dianne, see the private message I sent

JJ

Dianne, have you had this conversation with your husband? Does he know you are hurting?

I think he should be able to see his son when he's home. If you didn't resent his son, you would want him to see his son too. Don't you think?

I belive it's the pent up anger you have that is making you feel this way.

I'm all for compromising in marriages. See if he'll meet you halfway. Perhaps he could see his son, but not for quite so long. Make it at a time when you have something else to do.

Yes, we've had this conversation. He's the most stubborn man I know. And I do have a lot of pent up anger. A year of this crap. Seriously, I'm not sure I even love him anymore. Now, I can stay in my nice home and do my own thing, which to me, sounds good. I don't really want to be divorced but then, I don't feel like I'm married. I should add that he took this job out of state without ever asking me what I felt. Just took it and was gone. Oh, he told me about it but not once did he ask me what I thought. Then, he calls me about two months later, saying he wants me to move there and we'll get a nice house and also a small home in AZ that I can visit when it's cold in MN. The AZ house was thrown in because he thought that would be my bait. But, I've made friends here, I love it here and I don't want to leave. He was suppose to retire.

I'm glad he's working. He wasn't ready to retire and he was getting on my nerves. I was getting on his nerves too. But, I would have liked to be treated like a partner. He has tried, since then, to bring me into matters. I'll give him that much.

I don't feel he needs to see his son every time he comes home. If he lived in another state, he wouldn't see him once a month. I don't get to see him that often and that's why I don't feel like dividing my time. Maybe every other time but not every time.

Chatty, I don't feel I should have to put myself out to make a point. This is my home and I'm not going to leave it.

This is just a sorry mess. I'm learning to detach but honestly, I'm taking part in a lot of self-destructive things and depression over this. I have to get a grip and stop this. Maybe my ego has kicked in or maybe I've just grown tired of being treated like an outsider.

Dianne, you said...

I'm learning to detach but honestly, I'm taking part in a lot of self-destructive things and depression over this. I have to get a grip and stop this. Maybe my ego has kicked in or maybe I've just grown tired of being treated like an outsider.

Honey, this makes me realize how much pain you are experienceing over this relationship. It upsets me to think you are alone and depressed while you are married. What can we do to help? Anything?

I'm okay. I got through spells. Sometimes are good and sometimes are bad. I just stay busy with my writing and try not to think about it. Just be here for me I guess when I need to vent, moan or yell. Thanks.

From one stepmom to another....I'll be here when you need to vent. Email me if you like.


Lynn

Dianne, I am here too. You can always email me too.

Di the only reason I suggested you vacate thehouse was my ex was always SO SURE I* was there waiting he would come home whenever he felt like it, my fault because he was right. BUT then I started going and doing my thing and all of a sudden he'd come straight home and be a wreck because I wasn't there (imagine that!!!) he was good after that, he was there so he figured I would be too and you know sometimes I was, but not too often....By then I had had a gut full of his games. You have to do what feels right for you.