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#69511 - 05/22/05 05:31 AM Re: he's just not that into you
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
Well, Smile...this is my fishing story...way off the subject of NOT INTO YOU, but your mention of snakes reminded me...
I was fishing on the New River in WV with my sister and it had rained a log, so the river was up and too muddy for any success. I was down over the bank under some trees, and kept hearing a "plop, plop" in the water. At first I thought it was fish jumping but then I looked up into the trees above me, and, I swear...on EVERY branch of the trees were snakes draped over the limbs, all over my head, and dropping into the water. I don't know what kind of snakes they were, but, needless to say, I got out of there FAST

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#69512 - 05/22/05 06:20 PM Re: he's just not that into you
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Actually Ari
This paticular sparticuss is a man.
I've read postings from two different women who also go by the tag Sparticus and they do try to take the male persepctive.
In some areas they are remarkably aware. In others they are laughably ingnorant.
But they always make for great reading.

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#69513 - 05/22/05 06:24 PM Re: he's just not that into you
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Sounds like non venemous garter snakes Ari. Normally snakes are fairly solitary creatures and the only ones I know of that socialise like that are garter snakes and anacondas during the mating season.
But I wouldn't risk it either.

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#69514 - 05/22/05 06:38 PM Re: he's just not that into you
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
He's changed and maybe he never was that nice to begin with.
====================================
Sigrid
Reading your post this is what I hear. It may be wayyy off the mark but only you know that.

Not into you Page 8
By Liz
WE go out with someone, we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyper excuse mode because the last thing that we want to think is that this great man that we are so excited about is turning into a creep.

====================================

(English Translation!)
WE go out with someone, we kid ourselves that we have finally found the elusive “perfect man”, and then they do something, less than perfect, that mildly disappoints us. Something so petty so insignificant that any decent woman wouldn’t even notice it, let alone get upset about it. But, even then, instead of talking with him in a civil manner about the issue we sulk and brood over it and wonder why he’s so “insensitive” that he cant read our minds. Then they keep doing a lot more petty things that disappoint, petty, finicky girls like us. Then we go into hyper excuse mode because the last thing that we want to think is that this perfect man that we are so excited about is the usual, good man, quality man, but definitely not a perfect man.
================================

How desperate for a man were you? Any man? And how desperate were you to believe that he was a perfect man?
Personally I think you should move on too. But not before answering yourself one vital question. Is he good enough for you, not as he was, but as he is right now.
If the answer is no then move on. If the answer is "I'm happier on my own" then move on. I'f the answer is, "I'm not happy as is but I'm happier with him than without him then stick around.
Perfect he isn't. HOw good is up to you.

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#69515 - 05/24/05 05:37 AM Re: he's just not that into you
Sigrid Macdonald Offline
Member

Registered: 01/20/05
Posts: 223
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario
I wasn't going to answer your post because it was so incredibly rude but I would like to set the record straight. Firstly, you did not read my post correctly at all. I was not even dating the man. I fell for him and he made it perfectly clear all along that he wanted to be friends. I don't have any kind of pathological need to find the "perfect" man and I certainly am not "desperate" in any sense of the word.

Don't you have anything better to do with your time than to insult women on message boards? Sigh. Especially women who are opening up and confiding about painful situations? Shame on you, Sparticuss.

Sigrid

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#69516 - 05/24/05 05:44 AM Re: he's just not that into you
Sigrid Macdonald Offline
Member

Registered: 01/20/05
Posts: 223
Loc: Ottawa, Ontario
Ari,

I've heard of the book "Don't Call That Man." I looked for it at my library but they didn't have it. Right now I'm so much in debt from publishing my last two books that I can't afford to buy anything on Amazon, but I will keep that in mind.

In terms of the book "He's Just Not That into You," I expected to hate it but I didn't. I really loved reading it and found it to be hilariously funny.

Some parts were right on target but on the other hand, it was rife with sexist generalizations. I don't believe that men must always be the aggressors, must always pay for a date and must place the majority of phone calls. There are so many reasons why a man may need encouragement aside from the fact that he is just not into us.

Having said that, I did enjoy the book and thought that it was worthwhile and funny. It's pretty obvious when someone is not calling you back that they're not into you -- or to phrase it another way, they are not able to give you what you want or to be there for you -- but breaking away can be hard.

I have managed not to contact my guy for a while but I still think of him every day. I'm sure that will pass with time.

Hope that you're also feeling better, Ari.

Sigrid

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#69517 - 09/03/05 09:40 PM Re: he's just not that into you
Anonymous
Unregistered


Adriane, I too, have been in similiar relationships and understand your situation. Presently, I'm working on getting over a "shadow" relationship b/c I don't want to fall into this type of behavior again -- it is to painful. I shall forgoe explaining the situation (which has mirrored other relationships) as it only rehashes the pain.

Thus, I've resigned to streamline my life, get rid of that which I no longer need (whether it be a relationship, attitude, or object), put more emphasis into my career, and concentrate on myself (spiritually, health and mental attitude), and sherish my animals (I'm 39 and have no children). Easier said than done, huh! But, I am worthwhile, regardless of what another thinks.

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#69518 - 09/04/05 01:16 AM Re: he's just not that into you
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
MustangGal I truly believe we single women must first love ourselves before anyone else will love us....you go girl!!

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#69519 - 09/04/05 08:44 PM Re: he's just not that into you
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
This is a great discussion and I cannot believe I overlooked it. What I want to say is that I found out I liked me. I made the conscious decision to not date, and to spend more time getting to know the "grown up" and "divorced" me. I like what I discovered and am perfectly content to spend time alone. I also like my friend's company, and I like to date as well. But all in all, the decision to do whatever resides with me. It will be my idea, and because it is something that I want to do, not forced into and not because I can't entertain myself. I really believe you have the right idea, actually all of you do. I applaud your healthy way of thinking!

JJ

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