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#69295 - 09/09/04 04:48 AM Financial Passion
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
There was something about the way the bills hit my single income this month that perked my interest in a 'suitor' that's been attempting to court me for a very long time. He's a college grad, with an ok career, kind and caring and extremely boring. I used the yeild sign for this particular post because I need to express his carnal discrepancies /inadequacies.

Last year, after his courtship to me for years, we had sex. I was not inclined to move not one inch. I was disgusted! (could have been due to the fact that I 'loved' someone that I was no longer with and substituted in an effort to move on)

I talked to him like never before but soon realized that my efforts to communicate were strained, not natural, not a single spark. I soon realized that I would only be making the two of us unhappy. He would be with me because he really wants to. I would be with him because my bills are too high, right now.

Well ladies, be proud of me. I chose the struggle; Alone. I explained my position to him honestly, as I have with you. I told him that his conversation, his being, his sex, was not what I was anticipating spending the rest of my life with. He listened. Once I was done, all he said was, "I'm a grown man. I know what I want. Let me make my own decisions."

Now, am I supposed to view his persistence as a sign or as a crazed man? [Confused]

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#69296 - 09/09/04 08:03 PM Re: Financial Passion
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Sugaree, I'm proud of you. Your honesty is refreshing. I think lots of people consider finances when merging these days.

He's boring, plus you aren't attracted to him. Don't allow his persistance to captivate you. Run the other way!

I like your backbone!

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#69297 - 09/09/04 11:17 PM Re: Financial Passion
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Ya know, I hear stories directly from women that say that their husbands bore them, don't satisfy, ect. I understand that two incomes are much better for them. Understand the security. What I don't understand is how someone shares such intimate space with someone you truly don't love...someone that bores you.

[Confused] They aren't worried about bills though. Am I missing something?

Thank you Dots for being so open-minded, especially respecting that we all have different maps in our lives that make us who we are. My backbone that you speak of is getting pretty weakened with the loads I carry and have for years.

I didn't choose this man because of another larger reason. I fear God knows my heart and would not like for me to intentionally use him.

Maybe I should ignore that if I ever want a husband? Maybe I can learn to love him?

My bathroom window is alway sorta cracked for fresh air. Many days when it extremely dark out and I'm using the bathroom, I chuckle to myself that a monster is going to come out of that darkness, stick his hand in there and still me. Juat a fleeting thought to myself occassionally...Well, one day when my 'boring friend' was over, I went to use the bathroom. I looked outside into the dark and whispered, "Monster, if you're out there, this would be the perfect time to steal me cause this man is boring the *$*$ out of me." He never came so I went back to sit with Mr.Boring. This time I was laughing. He was just happy that I was happy. Isn't that 'cute'?

[Big Grin]

Sheree

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#69298 - 09/10/04 03:39 AM Re: Financial Passion
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Sugar, from one woman who thought she would make her single life better by marrying a man because he loved her and would make the load lighter,
[Frown] RUN FOR COVER [Roll Eyes]
Not only do they not really mean it when they say all they need is you, not your love. Lies!!!and they will whine and carry on forever after. Or maybe get tired of working and feel you can carry most of the load, move into your space, drive your car and literally eat up your finances. No man worth your time or his salt would settle for a woman that did not truly love him. [Embarrassed] RED LIGHT FLASHING HERE He is a loser and believe me, I learned the hard way. It as taken me years to get rid of such a man. I hope you can lighten your financial burden in another way, apply for a grant, get a roommate anything but a loser, boring man who will only make you more miserable....

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#69299 - 09/10/04 04:07 AM Re: Financial Passion
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
LOL.Chatty u're too funny! You're also right. I can say though, this man really does work and hard. But, like you say, NO MAN in his right mind is going to settle for someone that does NOT love him. Well, he must be out of his mind because I never ever call him. When he wants to come over, I give him a hard time, ask him why, "I just wanna to see your lovely face...I really do care about you..." living in lalaland somehow.

Well, I'll have my running shoes on cause the way you've put it, even if I did want to get with this man, I'd be scared. LOL.

I'm looking into other ways to supplement my income though. I have a good feeling about them too. I applied for a Small Business Loan- the minority part--didn't qualify. Hmmm, go figure.

So, I'm taking some webdesign classes, refreshers, and hopefully will be launching my site soon, of course with God's blessings.

TY for the reminder that creeps still have their pickup lines too, not that I shouldve forgotten. But, how will I ever know? How will you ever know, for that matter? Sounds like you've been thru and still going thru the ringer on the male tip.

Is there something stopping you from leaving him instead? I know a lady that died recently. She was 56, married her deadbeat husband when she was 17, had seven children for him (they didnt believe in birthcontrol). He only worked, if I recall what she said right, 3 years of the entire union. She finished school and became a school teacher to financially support herself, her seven children and him. That salary was not enough to support all of them. He didn't care though.

Point? You only have one life. If you're not happy, make some changes. You really do seem like a charming person (kinda rough on me sometimes [Smile]
Sheree

[ September 09, 2004, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

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#69300 - 09/11/04 10:07 AM Re: Financial Passion
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I am truly sorry for having been tough on you Sugaree. I mean no harm but perhaps need a lesson or two or three from Dotsie on the nice way to say things. I am a tell it like it is kind of gal who is harder on myself than anyone else. The anchor around my neck is gone and no matter what happens will stay gone. I have my house back and my life back. You see I know what needs to be done in most cases BUT I let my heart rule my head, by that I mean I feel sorry for people and am easy to take advantage of at times BUT then there comes the awakening and all hell breaks loose. As far as how you ever really know about a man, don't think you ever do. I plan to remain alone. Maybe date every now and then but thats it. My space is my space and good or bad thats the way it's staying. There are toooooooooooooo many snafoo's that come with looooooooove. DAH! Even the word makes my skin crawl.... [Mad] [Big Grin]

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#69301 - 09/11/04 04:40 PM Re: Financial Passion
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
If he bores you now, imagine a few years of being with him! When the bogey man looks better than your date, it's time to move on! [Eek!]

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#69302 - 09/11/04 08:33 PM Re: Financial Passion
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Chatty, you speak from the heart and when I read your posts I know your heart is in the right place. You're just looking out for your sisters!

If you don't mind me asking...how did it happen that you unloaded and are living alone? I missed that.

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#69303 - 09/12/04 04:02 AM Re: Financial Passion
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Dotsie, it came about suddenly when Sherri was here and I was trying to appease three owners of the same business. I guess I was stretched too far and something had to give. I gave him an ultimatum, either walk out or be handcuffed and dragged out by the sheriff. He opted to walk away. Alot of his crap is still here and he has 30 days to get it all out or I call Goodwill to come and take it all to do with what they will. It's scary on one hand especially since I am job hunting again BUT the good part is so good I don't care. It's been along time coming FREEDOM I mean and I am cherishing every second... [Wink]

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#69304 - 09/12/04 04:37 AM Re: Financial Passion
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Chatty, I'm fine and certainly have very thick skin. I know what you mean when you say that you 'appear' to be the type that can be taken advantage of, then all hell breaks loose. I'm like that. I try. Probably have too many times and still dont get it. But, I try not to prejudge, especially based on someone else's wrongs. I try very hard to maintain that human beings can change and very hard to respect and appreciate indivisuallity.

I have become very withdrawn lately though. I guess I just need a rest before I stick my hand back out there...need to let it heal. This last young lady that stayed here was politely dismissed based soley on what SHE did. I asked for the advice to make sure that I wasn't missing anything. Unfortunately, I was missing what became a reality. She was a user. She only hurt herself.

Glad you're happy about your freedom. I understand your happiness. It's just that it's been so long since I've loved and been loved that I get these weak moments where I comtemplate...They pass when I run into a 'bore' like the one in question or worse.

Diane, you're right. See, the boogie man already looks more appealing. I alway laugh about that day. I just sat in the bathroom in the dark until I could finally stop laughing at my quest for the boogie man to come and rescue me. LOL.

You all have a blessed day,

Sugaree

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