Okay all your single women out there, tell me

What is the one, most important SINGLE thing you feel you have gained from being SINGLE?

I'll get the ball rolling with my own.

For me, it has been what I've learned about myself. You're thinking, why didn't you know things about yourself before? Well, I put everyone else before ME. I have been single for 12+ years now, and so I do have a history with singleness. I am NOT an authority on being single. I AM an authority on me.

I found out that I can and do like being alone sometimes. Other times, I like having my friends and family surround me. But I discovered its okay to feel either way.

I discovered other hobbies that I now enjoy and didn't have time for previously (or so I thought) and have made numerous new friends. I do set limits with my time with friends and family, and have amazed myself at how sufficient I've become imitating Bob Vila...It seems the more I learn from either friends, books, or classes, the more eager I am to learn even more, or something totally new. I take trips to places I only dreamed of taking, and have been known to travel by myself. This is NOT to say you can't take trips if you are married. THIS IS ABOUT BEING SINGLE.

Do I ever get down? or Lonely? Sure I do. Don't you? Being married OR single doesn't guarantee you that your needs on a certain day or week or month, will be met. BUT...recognizing the reality of a situation and taking the focus off of yourself and placing it somewhere else, will certainly help put things in a new light. Whenever I feel myself getting down, I read a book, rent a movie, or volunteer at the Children's Advocacy Center. Think you got something to whine about, go to the CAC...

Someone mention in an earlier post that people who say they love being single are hiding some truths...that's generalizing to me. I think we should take people on a person-to-person basis. I also think some people ARE suited to being single. Like ME. Do I date? Occassionally. When I want to. Which isn't often. I do have a friend who is special. He lives out of town and let me tell ya, I love it that way. I guess what I am saying is that learning about what I like, what I don't like, what I want and don't want, is what being single has provided for me. IT MY HONEST LIFE. I love it.

not only that...I eat as much cholcolate as I want. No kidding.

JJ

JJ
Loved your post. I am not single as most know but I hope I am not excluded from this site. You speak alot of truth for married or single.

Looking forward to more!

Lynn

Yeah JJ,

Just cause you got you're the queen with your own little ole' topic thingy, and you got to name it, and then you got a PRIZE to boot.... Well, don't go thinkin' you're leaving us out.

Nosirree!!
Just cause we're married doesn't mean we weren't once single.

And furthermore, we're full of ADVICE. Some of it is good too. Well, a little of it might be.

Anyway, don't think you're getting away from us just cause we're married. We're STALKING you.
smile

You know something? It's a really bad feeling to be ignored, especially when it comes to intellectual property. I'm so glad that it's nothing serious, like an actual work of art, literal or otherwise.

If you check the original post, you will find the answer to my feelings here. And then for the person to just go for it w/o even considering where the thought, or name originated....dang. Like I said, I'm glad that it's nothing with BIG DOLLARS and real acknowlegments attached.

No matter how small though, to be ignored, given no credit what-so-ever still has this nasty little feeling some may compare to jealousy, but, then there wouldn't be the word plagiarism. The title seems a bit ethnic to boot...where did it really come from?

When I read the posts today, I discussed my feeling with my close friend. I expressed the idea of this forum actually becoming a real big hit with a subtopic, "Singlehood." The real big picture of this. We discussed why I harbor these feelings. It came down to whether or not I'm just too passive or simply invisible.

We discussed the two other times that something similar happened and I never voiced my feelings. One was during a huge group project. The other, a personal relationship where we brainstormed names, concepts and business ideas. In short, I noticed that our personals turned more business each time...no problem, right? Well, after 'personals' really ended, about three mos. later, the Doc launched the very business, name and all w/o giving me credit nor dollars. That hurt.

Unfortunately though, I never got the opportunity to discuss 'why' I with drew from him. He passed of lupis. I guess he was so desperate that he needed to piggy back. The other was a programming project. Again, in a group of three, one person had nothing to say. The next time we met for this class, all of my ideas, title included was presented to the entire class...since we were called to present in a certain order, I came after her, making my own project with my ideas appear 'borrowed.'

Not that this situation warrants the alarms afore mentioned, the feelings are similar. Maybe I'm just trippin'. Maybe not.

God bless,

Good-bye

Ok, just needed to vent that, if you will. Tonight a man that has always been in my corner visited. He, as usual, didn't come empty handed. Instead, he came empty minded, as usual. I find it sooo hard to believe this man graduated from Fisk U with honors. His conversations are very limited right along w/his sex appeal.

Now, my problem w/him is that I don't like him the way in which he adores me. That makes me feel bad too. See, there aren't many men like him...breaking down the door baring an array of generousities. I just don't feel him. But, then I don't feel the man that will visit w/o offering the same 'gentleman' ways. You know, the nice bottle of wine, the entertainment of plays, concerts and an outfit per event.

I feel like a ingrate as he showers me with flowers and my foods of choice. I've known him for several years, therefore know he's consistant. Why can't I like/love what is good for me, dispite how much he bores me.

I usually leave my bathroom window open about six inches. When I use it late at night I often peer over at it with some paranoid feelings that a 'monster' could snatch me out.(don't laugh) I know that wont happen. But, he was over recently...just stopping by. I was bored that when I used it and peered over at the open window, I wished that a monster would pluck me right then and there!

Dating sucks!

Ok?

Later

Dots, that's right. He must not be good for me. In some ways I pitty him because of his feelings for me, so I give him some time. The other reason being how generous and kind he has been, how he anticipates my needs. Somehow, since the others that I have dated have not been so kind, I just sorta feel like I am overlooking the 'good' man that is standing right in my face. That's how I end up dating him. Then, all too soon, he is just sitting there, staring at me or doing something else to bore or irritate me. Recently, I attempted to force myself to find something about him to 'like.' I tried striking up the conversations he lacks. I guess he was so shocked that he mumbled and studdered. It was easier to just sit there in silence, again.

So, if I do decide that he is good for me, I will still be lonely.

So, one the one hand, I could have potential men that have great conversational skills, entertaining and even sex appeal. But, very self centered and spend their money them, with the exception of the date. THe other hand, a bore, nothing to say but showers me with gifts and kindness, even extends this to my children when they need/want help with something that I can't provide.

Hmmm

Hi there, single gals!
You've got the power - unite!

I have to say that JJ's post was so insightful and dead-on that it hit me like a thunderbolt. I always tell my single mom seminar audiences that getting to know yourself is the most important thing. Being with yourself is the way to power and to knowing what you might eventually want in a life partner. I can really relate to that; I was a single mom for 17 years before I found mine.

It's just as 'the Queen' says - it's all about the learning process. (You are so very wise, oh Queen.) I had to laugh when you wrote about your special friend out of town, and loving it that way. Remember what Joy Behar said: 'Of course I want a man in my life; I don't want a man in my HOUSE, but I want a man in my life!'

So know yourself and be yourself. And when the going gets tough, get a hold of a copy of Travels With My Lovers and be inspired by what this nervy single mom did on her adventures.

Write on,
Erica

Somehow I must have missed this one before but madame Queen you took the words right out of my big mouth, well thought out and even better said and oh so true....Thanks for all us single women out here.....been married 3 times now and single and prefer SINGLE anytime, I liked that reference of the man in my life just not in my house, very good...

Yes INDEED, dear Queen! I've cleaned my closet out and my electronic roladex of duds, and not milk duds either. If either of those listed there had any potential/compatibility, I would have known by now.

It's been since the latter part of September, since my very short escapade with the minister since I last dated. I'm happy about that.

Actually, the minister ministered to me. I realized that although he may not be the one (personal issues for him) there is hope for the right one to find me out there. Why should a dud be occupying space should this knight knock one day?

I'm happier now than dating days! I dont even think about it! Does that mean I've hit another notch of maturity?! Yippee!

If God wanted a man here, he'd put one here anyway.

Sugaree, I don't know if you've seen my posts about the book He's Just NOT That Into You, but you should get a copy and read it. You will NEVER settle for second best again.

Ok Dots. Think I will. But I also think that the forum and the replies did it for me too. I haven't even had the urge to date (well, somewhat) But just in case that 'urge' reappears.