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#6727 - 09/08/05 05:27 PM ah, the perils of separation
msdiana Offline
Member

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 93
Loc: Stuttgart, Germany
a day in the life of legal separation...

so yeah, we adopted nina (a blind miniature daschund) over a year ago...turns out she only likes my soon-to-be-ex-husband, robert...for the rest of us, she mopes around like she doesn't know where anything is and poops on the floor no matter how many times she's taken out...for him, she jumps and scampers and follows him all over the house -- and waits to go til she's outside...
when robert moved out, i asked him if he would take the dog with him and requested that she not return...he agreed...i said again "she doesn't come back"..."okay!" he said in that way that husbands say "okay" when they really mean "okay bee-yotch"...

he's spent the last 20 years deployed for 6 months to a year at a time many times to include iraq...i won't go on and on about the sacrifices me and the kids have made but it's worth noting that the two most beloved dogs on the planet got left behind because we knew we couldn't have animals in lodging for the ninety days it took to secure housing here in germany...me and the kids, who spent the last 6 months of our stateside time with those animals while worrying our heads off about whether he would come back from iraq or not, were very upset about not bringing the dogs with us...

yesterday he announces that he's going to quantico VA for a week...a week...he tried desperately to get the kid's sympathies but they weren't biting...even 12 yr old amelia said "see ya later then" and went right back to her national geographic for kids magazine...she was probably a little miffed with him already because when she looked up from her magazine a few minutes earlier and said to him "guess how tall the tallest giraffe is!" (giraffes are her favorite animal), he didn't respond...he just sat there...

so he tells me, he doesn't ask me, he tells me "i'll bring the dog back over before i leave"...i didn't have words formed in my mouth before all three kids went off like a semi-automatic weapon: amelia rattled off "i'm not taking her out", 20 yr old abram shot "i'm not cleaning up after her", and my hyperactive-from-birth 19 yr old therese looked around blankly with "dog? what dog? we don't have no stinkin' dog"...this latter child would be the one who spent time in jail shortly after robert deployed to iraq (in 2003)...it would've been more stressful if it hadn't been for so many teenagers in the area reacting to their father's wartime deployment in the same way...we mothers formed a group...ah, the good old days...

so he laments to me about how hard it would be to find doggy-day-care when there are no kennels around (that's true, germans don't believe in them) and adds that i've never had to worry about finding accomodations for an animal "just to go to work!" whimper moan groan sigh...
i immediately pictured myself breaking a chair leg off and shoving it down his throat...for some reason the image had a calming effect and i said sweetly "i'm sure it's no harder than finding daycare for 3 children under 10, one of whom had to have a liability waiver and ongoing proof of a tetanus shot"...
he stormed out...
amelia asked "can we get a giraffe?"

back to work...

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#6728 - 09/08/05 10:17 PM Re: ah, the perils of separation
Fiftyandfine Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 154
Loc: FL
Oh my...a giraffe?
Is there any possibility of forming a support group where you are now? What can we do, here, to help you? From what I've seen so far, there's a wealth of good "listeners" here, so post away...

Fifty

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#6729 - 09/09/05 01:18 AM Re: ah, the perils of separation
Anonymous
Unregistered


msdiana:

I, too, was a military dependent, brat and active duty (2 enlistments) and lived in GE (Hahn AB - now closed). Thus, I know some of the isolation you may experience. Both my father, grandfathers, and ex-husband are or were military (E-9s and Colonel). Always distant (both physically and mentally) and very little time for us girls. I essentially married my father (or a man like him b/c I knew no other -- yet my ex was abusive). It is lonely being a military wife. Yet, while I was active duty (and single) I did enjoy my TDYs and adventures, so I know how these men feel about new experiences, the excitement, being on the verge, etc. Yet, it is very hard on the family, wife and children who not only need (whether or not they know it at that time, age depending) a father, but a friend, guidance, etc. The time he takes away from the children and family may benefit his career, yet hinder family relations.

If there is something I can help with, please do not hesitate to ask me, I'd be more than happy to assist.

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#6730 - 09/09/05 03:44 AM Re: ah, the perils of separation
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I get so bummed out these days about peoples marriages that have gone bad and the way everyone has to suffer from it. I wish we could find our soul mates, marry and live like the folks in Mayberry USA. Being together in a loving relationship and the kids all doing well and growing up well adjusted. Yea I know, shut up Chatty and get real!!!! Its just a dumb dream of mine, kind of like the Boomer Bed & Breakfast I wrote about.

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#6731 - 09/09/05 06:09 AM Re: ah, the perils of separation
msdiana Offline
Member

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 93
Loc: Stuttgart, Germany
i liked the boomer bed and breakfast idea...
your dreams aren't dumb or unrealistic...

lots of people had the idea to go to the moon and some worked hard to get there but they didn't...it takes just the right combination of things and sometimes we get so caught up in what we think is right that we pass right over what really is right...sigh...

i bought a giraffe today...it's carved out of wood and beautifully painted, about 3 feet tall...i bought it off the guy who comes up from kenya every now and then...his skin is so dark it's hard not to keep looking...it makes his eyes shine all that much more when he smiles...the little tent he sets up is no bigger than would house a car but it's a respite from all the noise and commotion outside of it...
i buy a lot of stuff from him, soapstone and batiks...he always gives me a little something for free...today it was a tiny soapstone elephant with an upturned trunk...he said elephants with upturned trunks bring good fortune...i started to say something, he stopped me and said "you need good fortune"...
who am i to argue?

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