I don't care for this term because I've never been fashionably late for anything. I leave that up to my mother who was a very beautiful woman in her youth. She admitted she liked to be the last one so she could make "an entrance."

My hostess can always count on us to be precisely on time. Not early (so as to catch her still running around with preparations) and not late even by five minutes. I value the very few people who cook us a nice meal.

My good friend never fails to arrive here for a sit down dinner anywhere from one half hour to 45 minutes late. She and her mother live only 25 minutes away. I have kept dinner warm while waiting. I go to great lengths to entertain my guests. This means my silver, best china and crystal. Fresh flower arrangements and lit candles atop the table runner and damask (my favorite type) table cloth on our dining room table. It always gets ooo's and ahhh's. She even takes pictures and her and her mother remark how her own sister-in-law always uses paper plates.

While my good friend has never invited me to a meal in the home she shares with her mother, I would think her mother would realize the work I go through to make a gourmet meal for them. I would think they could be considerate enough to arrive on time. This has even happened when I made reservations for us to an expensive restaurant for her birthday. When she arrived I was wringing my hands. She offered the lame excuse that she had diarhea! When she arrives late for dinner she never says "I'm sorry" or even an excuse to explain.

So, what I have done is ask her to come at say, 6:00 p.m. and then plan to have dinner 45 to 60 minutes after that time.

My question is, how can a person be so late and not realize how very rude that is?

The only answer I can offer is that she doesn't care how rude she is. But, I have a question: Why do you kep on inviting her? She obviously doesn't appreciate your efforts and she never reciprocates. Just curious.
Louisa

Ladybug, it's a control and power issue. She has to know she's always late. How could she not?

Have you spoken with her about this? I would.

I had a friend (notice the word had) who was always late, no matter what. I would be sitting in a restaurant for 45 minutes waiting for her. I learned to order my food the minute I was seated and my friend was shocked that I had done it. I waited until she finished her meal and said I had to run because she had thrown me off schedule.

It's rude too. Very rude and I'm also questioning why you continue to invite her.

I should have added that it's been a very long time since she and her mother have "graced" my dinner table.

I have talked with her about this, but that was many years ago when I had no spine. The talk came out weak and without conviction on my part to get through to her how annoying this was. She was always so generous in other ways that I felt I should overlook this one fault. My mom said, "if you kick every stone that gets in your way you won't have any shoes left." That said, I learned to "try" to overlook this major annoyance and work around it. My friend doesn't know how to cook. The work of entertaining me would've fallen mostly on her elderly mother's shoulders.

Chuck's mother is cronically late. I can't tell you how many dinners she ruined for us and how many occassions she tried her best to spoil. I honestly think she did and does this to get attention.

I guess I should have know when she had my family there for dinner when Chuck and I were first engaged. My mother is punctual to a fault and insisted we arrive on time, despite the delaying tactics we tried. When we got there, Chuck's mother was in a bathrobe with her hair in curlers and dinnner wasn't even started cooking. My mother's never forgotten or understood. I've learned to live with it, but I don't like it. At 91, she isn't likely to change.

However, if I had a friend who did kept me waiting like that without a reason more than once, that person probably wouldn't get another chance.

I only choose friends who are like me. Punctual, considerate, fun, happy etc.

As I "mature" I have little time for friends who waste mine.

They come and go from my life, but that is their choice.

Di,
I don't associate with people like this . This is a new one on me never heard of "Fashionably Late" This does not happen in my neck of the woods. New one on me. My circle of friends don't do this.

[ December 18, 2005, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]

When someone is always and forever late...it normally means they have big time control issues.
I am a stickler for being on time, always have been. Rather be early, than late anyday.

So...if their late...it better be a good reason.

Ladybug, I too have no use for this term "fashionably late" or people who are constantly late. We have a family member who was constantly late for meals at our house. We put up with it for a long time until finally I had had enough. When issuing the invitation, I began to stipulate that supper was being served at 6pm to whoever was there at the time. So the first time they arrived late after that notice, they found us more than half-way through our supper. And the next time they arrived quite late for the 3pm shrimp cocktail, we had already served and eaten the shrimp and there was none left. Ever since that one, they've usually been on time...and when they've been running late, it's been a legitimate emergency and they've called to let us know. In those circumstances, we hold everything until they come.

Dr Phil often says something that took a long time to sink into my people-pleasing head...we teach people how to treat us. Well, I think that's finally sinking in, and I'm expecting people to treat me/us with more respect, and living my life around those expectations (i.e., having supper at the time we specified in the invitation). Now they know we're serious about it, they make sure they're on time.

[ December 18, 2005, 07:38 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

I would use the term rudely late - nothing fashionable about it.

I will allow for someone to be late the first time, but they don't have a good excuse, like they had to stop and give CPR to a dying person, they pay for the consequences. I just leave if I'm waiting too long for someone.

Daisygirl

I read these rules of etiquette in Edith Post's column:

It is okay to be five minutes late for a buffet style dinner but not more than this.

For a cocktail party with snacks a 15 minute late arrival is okay, but not more than this.

For a sit down dinner you are required to be on time.

I guess I should've clipped the newspaper article for her. When she was my children's Godmother she arrived on time at our home to go to the church.

One Christmas Eve my mother kept us waiting for two hours! My mother-in-law and father-in-law were also here as guests for three days. My poor mother-in-law was wringing her hands and couldn't believe the audacity of my parents keeping us all waiting to eat. I was steaming! When my mother finally arrived I asked her what had happened. She said she was doing some last minute Christmas shopping!!!!!!!

Later on when we were talking I brought this up to my mom and told her I would never wait that long again. Boy did that make her angry!

Ladybug maybe leaving her off the guest list a few times would suffice and when she inquires as to why, just say "well it was a gourmet meal that would be ruined unless served on schedule," BAM, hopefully that might get her attention....Its suttle but to the point.

Once my new sister-in-law was invited with her husband (my husbands brother) over for Sunday dinner. i slaved for two days making meatballs, stuffing sausage meat into cassing and cooking my sauce for n5 hours on the stove, the table was set, the salad dished and in they walked only a half hour late BUT the kicker was they said casually when asked by my husband if they had trouble finding the place, "oh no but Pat (the wife)wanted to stop at Burger King for a snack." My husband was so livid I thought he would burst a blood vessel. They just picked at the food and were never invited over again. Oh and believe it or not, my brother-in-law had the nerve to say, "man that sausage & meatballs were was so good, how about making me a couple sandwich for lunch tomorrow?" I did too...

I so agree with Eagle Heart when she said that "we teach people how to treat us"...I spent my first fifty years treating people the way that I wanted to be treated...but I realize now that by always being sweet and accepting rude behavior by excusing it I had become a doormat...I intend to spend my second fifty years still being sweet...but "sweet with a backbone" if you get my meaning...I'm no longer going to excuse rude behavior just so as not to make waves...
Ladybug..you are so thoughtful to worry so about your brother's friend..I am sure being with you on Christmas will be such a blessing to him..
Chatty...how long ago did you make those extra sandwiches for your BIL? I'll bet just thinking about it today makes you wish you had told him to stop at Burger King on the way home as well!!!
There is just no excuse for anyone to arrive late to a planned meal...How Rude!!!!

Don't mean to belittle this post because I have to laugh. I just told family members who are typically late to be here 15 minutes earlier than everyone else. I think it's rude too. When people are late they are saying, "my time is more important than your's." That's selfish.

One friend used to pick me up for church and she was always 10 minutes late. She would usually say she was picking up at her house. How rude! She was obviously being passive aggressive.

This is a pet peeve of mine.

Daisygirl

That was my first husbands brother and his wife so it was in 1960. I haven't seen or heard from any of them since my husband passed away and don't ever care to either....