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#59587 - 11/10/03 03:57 PM Brink of Divorce
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Yep... we're starting to talk divorce. Hubby tells me there is nothing left inside to rekindle, romantically speaking. He says it hurts him, because he never, ever thought that he could ever stop being in love with me... but that part of us has died in him.

He loves me, he says, but he's not in love with me. He cares about me as a friend... but not as a lover. He's tried, he says, to rekindle the romantic love, but there's nothing left inside of for me. He's madly in love with Amy, and that's all there is to it.

I would think... if he really cared for me as a friend... he wouldn't be slobbering all over her in public, right in front of me, for me to get jealous and feel horrible. We all went to a party yesterday, a nice barbecue with friends, and his behavior was so bad, so dishonoring of me, that I finally broke down and wept.

They were all very sympathetic... someone took me home... and when he and Amy finally came home, quite drunk, he kept saying the same B.S. over and over again... I'm sick of hearing it... now he wants me to feel compassion on him, for his pain, because it hurts him to not love me that way anymore....

What a crock of shit. And he doesn't want me to move out, because he says when we all work together, we make a great team. I'm thinking that when I wash the dishes, cook the meals, mindthe kids, shop and do the laundry, it frees them up to screw around and such. Neither one of them even bothers to feed the dog or the cats.

I'm not going to be their maid. No way. I'll be kind to the children, but I'm not their f*cking maid. My plans are to find some way to support myself and get the hell out of here.

I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish that. I'm just hoping they can behave themselves well enough so that I don't beat one or both of them to death before I'm free of the situation.

Wish me luck. [Mad] [Eek!] [Confused] [Frown]

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#59588 - 11/10/03 06:57 PM Re: Brink of Divorce
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lil, sounds like the emotions are flying...and no wonder. So much going on there. Have you considered your way out and what that would look like? I'm praying no one gets physical. Do you have someone to turn to that can help YOU during this time?

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#59589 - 11/11/03 02:46 AM Re: Brink of Divorce
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Lillian, be strong. By their public displays of lust right in front of you and the neighbors, your husband and GF are being emotionally abusive and basically don't give a crap about how you feel. Get out before you start to rationalize your servitude and get stuck in a no-win situation.

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#59590 - 11/11/03 02:47 AM Re: Brink of Divorce
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Oh, and talk to a lawyer/ legal aid person.

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#59591 - 11/11/03 04:27 AM Re: Brink of Divorce
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Oh...it got a bit physical last night. I smacked him around a bit... actually played with a small whip on his behind at the party... he was sloshed to the point where he seemed to be enjoying it... I stopped, because I realized he wasn't in his totally right mind and wasn't going to stop me... plus I figured, and I was correct, that he was feeling guilty and giving me a chance to unleash my anger....

Later, I went hom first; they came back about an hour or solater. He tried to pretend that everything was Ok, or would be OK between us, if he got a little lovey-dovey... told me he was talking to me from his heart... I smacked him hard in the rib cage and told him he HAD no heart... knocked him down hard on the bed and got in his face... he had the nerve to tell me how much it hurt HIM to have fallen out of love with me... how sorry he was... he started crying.... there was so much going on.... I grabbed him by thecolar and just started chaking him, lifting him up by his shirt and throwing him back down.... I'm bigger than he is, though usually not nearly as strong...and not nearly THAT strong....I scared him so badly he almost left the room... but he seemed to feel such a strong need to make me understand....

I've decided that I will stay only as long as I absolutely need to... a friend is goingto try to help me get published in such a way that I actually make money, soon and plentifully. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm not putting up with any domestic servitude. I will do what I do, what I've always done as a wife, which is maintain the household in the best manner I can, because that's what I do, and I did it before he turned my life upside down, and I do it well. But I'm not going to be anybody's maid. I've made that clear, and everyone is actually pitching in, now that I have become a real bitch about it all. It's all business now.

As far as getting a lawyer... heh heh, we don't own anything of great value, and there's no way I'm going to get any alimony out of him. We've only been legally married for 2 years. The previous 4 do not count. If he wins the lottery, I will get half, or if I win the lottery, HE gets half. I won't care, if lottery funds are involved. Half of a couple of hundred is better than what I've got now.

He's not getting any of my earnings as an author. First of all, he has no idea of what to do to press such an issue, and secondly, he is so phobic about courts and all, he always leaves me to handle such matters... and he has been such an idiot about my writing, never read anything I've written except a few of my poems... hasn't helped me with my writing, in fact, has gotten in the way in more ways than one.

I'm sure he will go along with whatever I manage to say is the quickest and easiest and least painful way to divorce, which would be a simplified divorce, which is something we work out for ourselves, without any help or hindrance from lawyers. And I don't think he would give me a hard time about keeping my own earnings for myself. Deep down inside, he knows the truth.

I just have to get to the point where I am able to stand on my own two feet.

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#59592 - 11/11/03 05:04 PM Re: Brink of Divorce
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lil, I have to remind you that according to our Community Guidelines which all of us agreed to when registering in these forums:
"Profanity and symbols for profanity are forbidden."

Sorry for the reminder. [Wink]

I know you're hurting and I don't want to delete your post because many of us in here are keeping up with your posts, praying for you, and supporting you the best we can. But the next time I'll have to delete the profanity. Hope you understand.

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