I once attended a Bible study with a pastor who was newly married. The topic for the day was kindness in marriage.

He referred us to a verse (and forgive me, I don't remember where it is) that said we should outdo one another with kindness.

We should love our partner so much that we want to please him endlessly. When two people treat one another this way there's sweet bliss.

We put our spouses happiness at the top of our priority list.

Fortunately I married a guy who communicates and reciprocates. We've been married for almost 25 years and we talk, talk, talk. We have trained one another through the years and his happiness is sooo important to me. I also know my happiness is sooo important to him. It's a blessing.

This is what the message is about. God wants us to constantly seek the best for one another.

I was reminded of this when I was reading Thistle's post in another forum.

Praying for happiness in everyone's marriage.

Dotsie,
I bet your husband's got his work cut out for him if he wants to be kinder than you. It's a wonderful thing that you have that type of competition.
I have friends who are getting divorced and seems like they are competing *not* to be kind, *not* to give, *not* to need the other, and *not* to want to stay married. A very bad thing.
You've spoken of how you and your husband communicate. I've noticed that talking is not the only my husband and I communicate. We talk, work and play together. We communicate physically, emotionally, intellectually, and socially. Sometimes we just sit silently together, and sometimes we communicate by praying and worshipping together.
Of course we're still sort of newlyweds so maybe we'll settle down to one way sooner or later.
It's nice to hear about a happy couple.
smile

[ May 22, 2004, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Dotsie,
Your post was interesting and I've thought about it this week. It is true that marriage is a give and take union. I remember when I was first married, I did EVERYTHING possible for my husband,he was the focus of my everyday. When I got pregnant I was so thrilled -- I wrote poetry and baked him everything and gave him cards. He was military and always gone. I kept busy raising the kids and keeping the house and working for family support organization.

He was busy...always doing things for himself...going to craft shop...having to run in to work to take care of matters that arose between the troops. One day, I just decided that our marriage was ONE SIDED. I was the only one that was giving extra. He was just there and supplying money for our life. But, I loved him and life went on.

Over the years, our kids grew up, we've been there for each other through thick and thin. I realize that he did love me and care, but he was just a man of little words. A man dedicated to his work.

I guess we are both going through MIDDLE LIFE CRISIS, because he's become more loving and caring and I've become more dependant. I have been taking time for myself. Improving my body and mind and doing my writing (which I'd always put on hold to support him and raise the kids). He seems a bit sad sometimes, but as I told him, I was there for 27 years, ignoring myself and doing for them. Now I am approaching the last 50 years of my life and I need to focus my attention to me. I am still there for my kids and my husband, but I am also for the first time, there for me.

I hope this makes sense. I love my family very much, but I am starting to really get to know me too.

Smile, I know there are people who may not go out of their way to be mean in a marriage, but they certainly are stuck enough that they can't even think of being nice to one another. They're in such a routine of not getting along that they can't get past it. Miserable sad isn't it?

Betty,I applaud you for taking time for yourself. I've received stories from enough boomers to realize that many of us are reflecting on this time in our lives and realizing it's our turn. We've raised our kids and we're ready for the next stage.

You're smart to recognize it and move with it. Some women know it's their time but have a hard time switching gears because they are so use to doinf for others. Some haven't figured out what the next stage should consist of. What can I do with my life?

I say...you go girl!

Dotsie thank you for reminding me that love is a "doing word" not just a feeling.

Dotsie,

Thank you for the wonderful message of 'kindness.' You are so right, kindness in a marriage can conquer just about everything.