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#57349 - 06/12/03 04:44 PM Doing things alone?
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I only put this in travel 'cause I couldn't think of a better place. Caloona mentioned in her post about Menopause the Musical that she has a hard time doing things alone. She asked if we have any suggestions on getting over that.

I guess it depends on the reason we won't do things alone. I remember I didn't like to eat out alone because if someone saw me they might think I didn't have anyone to eat with, think I was a loser, whatever..., doesn't she have a husband, friends, etc...WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?

How insecure of me to worry about what people think, but you have to understand that I have been spending most of my adult life getting over that because it was ingrained so much as a child...What will the neighbors think? [Mad]

Fortunately I have gotten over that and actually enjoy going places alone. I seem to revel in the peace and quiet, an opportunity to unwind, relax, and be peaceful. [Razz] Not having to consider if the other person is enjoying themself.

Caloona was talking about going to a show alone, and I haven't done that and don't know if I would. Her point was that it is better to share it with someone. I agree!

What are the reasons we don't do things alone(if that's the case) and how do we get over it?

#57350 - 06/12/03 10:34 PM Re: Doing things alone?
Candice Johnson Offline

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
There are some things I'll do alone and others I won't. I don't mind seeing a movie or a show by myslef. The reason why is because everyone else is watching the show or the movie and not really looking around at who's there, so it doesn't bother me to sit there by myself. You can still share with people who didn't go with you.

I can't bring myself to sit somewhere and eat alone, unless it's lunch when I'm at work. I guess it's because people do look at you in restaurants. It really shouldn't be a big deal, but it is to me.

I think this is also a girl thing. I see guys doing things by themselves all the time and it doesn't seem to bother them. I wonder why that is.

I also think sometimes it's a safety thing. I know my husband doesn't think it's a good idea to walk out of a movie theater at night by yourself.

#57351 - 06/13/03 02:39 PM Re: Doing things alone?
caloona Offline

Registered: 11/03/02
Posts: 90
Loc: baltimore
I agree walking out of some places by yourself is not a safe thing.I am very aware of that when I come home at night and have to make it to my front door,since I live in the city and don't have a driveway or a garage.
I do like to go someplaces by myself,walks,harbor,museums,shopping.Then I get to go where I want and have my own time table.Don't get me wrong,I would like to have someone to go with but these places are ok alone.
Eating alone has it's stigma, I imagine, because of the "breaking of bread" as a "communion" with others.What do we do when we get together with family or friends?-We eat!From "let's meet for"- the simple to the more elaborate-coffee,lunch,dinner,barbeque,picnic.Eating is associated with associating.
I've eaten by myself while doing work-correcting papers or highlighting a text.Then sort of like you said,Dotsie,people won't feel sorry for you.And then it is only at a "you can eat at this bar" type setting.There are sometimes other loners at the bar,there's not an empty seat across from you like at a table. Plus there's always the possibility that there might be snippets of conversation with the bartender.
There's a Baltimore's Best Ribs place where I have eaten by myself,but it feels safe because it's kind of more family oriented.
Going to a movie by myself I might do at a matinee so as not to be an object of too many stares.It only exacerbates the loneliness for me when you I get looked at or especially have no one to share with right after leaving the theater. [Frown]
I thought once I got married again the alone thing would be no more,but alas not so.Family 3 hrs. away and my 2 closet friends living down south doesn't help the situation. I have another single friend but she has 3 children,my only is on the west coast, and 5 siblings. Her time is taken up with family a lot and we don't have a chance to get together but maybe once a month.
Married friends are with family on weekends.
I guess I am flashing back to all those years of single parenthood and having married friends that couldn't spare time away from their families.Whole 'nother story.
Guess the basis of my fear of going somewhere alone may be the fear of me realizing how alone I may really be.
Am I making sense?

#57352 - 06/25/03 01:41 PM Re: Doing things alone?
Kathryn Offline

Registered: 11/20/02
Posts: 317
Loc: Towson
As a married parent I was never physically alone it seems. Maybe in the car on the way to work or at the grocery store....but never really alone. Now that I am suddenly a single parent with 3 children, I still have very little alone time. I am craving time to myself, just to cry or scream or reflect. But I am wondering how I will face building a new social life alone. All of my friends were sort of "our friends", couples with kids. I'd love to go out for a burger and a beer, but I always think of women alone at a bar or tavern as "on the prowl" or just pathetic. Now I am one of those "just pathetic" women. And I remember this one older woman (I was 15 so she must have been all of 45) who used to come into a place I worked and eat alone and drink alone. Her lipstick was always on askew, she was usually intoxicated. That is the image that is seared into my brain. Ridiculous, huh?

#57353 - 07/07/03 12:55 PM Re: Doing things alone?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
This is an interesting post as I too am single and can relate. I guess I can say that being alone is like anything else. It has it's advantages and disadvantages. I know for me, I like it "most" of the time. When I first started going places by myself, I felt like I had a sign tatooed on my forehead which stated "loser here, she's all alone." So I couldn't agree more with the feelings someone expressed in one of the post. Then, as I continued to go solo, I started to really see my surroundings and learned to enjoy whatever the atmosphere offered. I also realized the freedom of choices that went along with being one. So, I guess what I am saying is that I learned to see the positive in the situation instead of the negative (i.e., everyone else has a mate, I'm all alone, etc.). Also, from listening to co-workers and friends that had mates or significant other, I also learned that most of them would give up their right arm to be in my shoes. Seems all they did was gripe about their whenever I felt myself becoming uncomfortable, say, in a restaurant, I would remember the "gripes" and earnestly looked at the couples surrounding me and think..."you know, bet they wish they could have this silence sitting across from them." It worked for me. I agree wholeheartdely with the safety thing though. I never go to a movie at night for fear of leaving alone. Just my 2 cents worth.

#57354 - 07/21/03 03:24 PM Re: Doing things alone?
gwinny Offline

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 17
Loc: Dallas, TX
I've been single now for 26 years. Eating out alone has never been a problem - cause I always take a book to read with me. I guess that doesn't make me appear very sociable to those around me - but it is the one time that I can read with no interruptions (other than the ever present waiter asking if everything is okay - lol). For way too long now, I have hermitized and there is a growing desire to find some running buddies to go out with.

#57355 - 07/21/03 03:38 PM Re: Doing things alone?
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I say, "JUST DO IT". You never know until you try. Just think about what a success your returning to school has been. Who knows, maybe you will be running marathons before you know it if you venture out with running buddies.

Every day we are a new woman if we choose to be! [Razz]

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