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#46311 - 01/06/06 11:14 PM THE LEAKY PEN
Sandpiper Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 1158
Loc: Kissimmee, Florida
Ok, can you guess I am cleaning out my office and finding all these cute little stories. I think this is the last one, I promise, but I have kept it for several years now. I think it is right on about our computers and how we love/hate them. I hope you all like it.

THE LEAKY PEN - AUTHOR vs EVIL COMPUTER GREMLINS
by Rebecca Wade (romance author)printed in the Outreach International Romance Writers newsletter April/May issue 1999

"Pssst!" Crabby the Computer hissed.
"Here she comes everybody. Play dead."
Pooey the Printer and Icky the Internet Connection immediately quieted. The animated discussion the three cronies had been having about how to torture Annie Author droned into silence.
"Look, she's trying to turn me on," Crabby Computer said. "Hey guys, what if I just don't respond? It was kinda funny last time I did that. Remember, she pulled her eyebrow hairs out one by one."
"No!" Pooey Printer and Icky Internet wailed. "You promised to share the fun this time."
Crabby sighed. Though he wasn't happy about it, he obligingly whirred to life. Behind the blank-looking screen of his monitor he made obscene faces at Annie as she waited for him to finish pretending to boot. "What if I released just one really scary grating, bumping hard drive sound? Can I guys?"
"NO!" Pooey and Icky replied in unison. "Our turn today."
Annie rested her fingers on the keyboard and all three villainous friends leaned forward, anxious to see what she'd attempt.
"Any bets on whether she'll go to work or procrastinate by checking her e-mail first?" Icky asked.
"E-mail."
"E-mail."
Sure enough, Annie clicked on the Outlook Express icon.
"Did you know," Icky said, "she actually tells people that e-mail is part of her warming-up-for-writing routine." All three burst into peals of hysterical laughter.
"What can I do today to make her crazy?" Icky asked.
"Member," Pooey said, "we decided that you'd act like everything was going fine, then stop for no reason as you're downloading her messages and then just freeze."
"Oh, yeah!" Snorting with pleasure, Icky selected a harmless e-mail containing a joke that had been batted around cyberspace 3,999 times in the last week. It was a joke he knew for certain Annie had already read twice. Without remorse, he swallowed it. And then pretended to choke.
Annie frowned at the monitor, a line of concern bisecting her brows. She looked at her watch, then keenly eyed the little bar that pushed eastward, indicating incoming mail. Nothing. No movement.
The three pals chuckled and punched each other in the shoulders.
Annie finally disconnected. And tried again, and again. Each time, Icky downloaded the same 23 messages, then ate the joke, keeping 40 important messages to himself.
"You think she'll try and call Internet customer support this time?" Crabby asked.
"I hope so," Icky mumbled between his brimming mouthful. "Last time they kept her on hold for thirty-five minutes and then she got that fourteen year old genius who can hack into the FBI computer but can't explain to a normal human how to find their power switch."
More uproarious laughter. The furrows in Annie's forehead were deepening by the second. Finally, she threw her hands into the air and gave up on Icky and the Internet.
"Foo!" Icky spit out the mangled message and grinned. "Pretty soon she's going to need to put up her own web page. I overheard her say that she wants to learn how to do it herself!"
"Oooh," Pooey rubbed his hands together in glee. "I can't wait for that. She doesn't have a clue that html stands for Harder Than Microbiology to Learn."
"Look guys!" Crabby yelled. "She's opening the file that contains her manuscript!"
"You think today's the day she'll try to print it?" Pooey asked hopefully.
"Well, she got the call requesting the full manuscript yesterday and she promised to send it today," Icky said.
"Oh, I hope, I hope, I hope!" Pooey crossed his wiry fingers. All three watched Annie peer at the work she often called her baby, the work she'd bled and cried over. They saw her roll her lips inward and they saw her eyes light with hope as her index finger clicked the mouse to highlight print.
"She's going to try and print all 400 pages in one setting!" Icky screamed jubilantly.
The cronies laughed so hard they had to bend over and hold their bellies. They were still cackling when Annie went to the cupboard to check her paper supply. Pooey had mauled so many pages last week when she'd printed out her critique group chapter they they all knew she wouldn't have enough paper left.
When her supply finally ran out, Annie shook her head, muttered some choice words and made an emergency trip to Office Depot.
At page 307, Pooey mysteriously quit. He send Annie a nasty error message with a little bomb on it. Annie screwed shut her eyes and massaged her temples. All three friends raised their voices in a joyful chorous of "Na na na na na!"
Crabby joined the fun by refusing to acknowledge Annie's attempts to rectify the problem. Annie was forced to restart the computer. When she opened her manuscript file, he gave her a blank screen. To his delight, Annie laid a hand over her heart and nearly fainted. Once she'd gathered her courage and pressed the down arrow, Crabby reluctantly revealed her work.
At page 390, just ten pages from the end, Pooey drank the last of the printer fluid. Her words got thready before disappearing altogether from the page.
This time, what they'd been waiting and praying for happened. Annie plunked her head on her desk and started to sob. Crabby, Icky and Pooey held hands and launched into an exultant jig.
"Yahoooey! We've beaten her!!" Cackle, cackle, cackle. "Yeah, now she'll slink off like a whipped dog and leave us alone for a few days!"
"Get along little doggie!"Pooey yelled.
"And, guys!" Crabby paused in his hilarity to gasp for breath, "next month we get to start throwing weird glitches with Word 97, just like Holy Father Gates told us to do."
"Yeah! She'll have to pay through the nose for new software!" Hee, Hee, Hee, Hee, Hee!
"And don't forget!" Icky chimed in. "In three months, we've scheduled the big shutdown where we'll pretend to die, wipe out her entire hard drive and gat a trip to the spa because of it!"
"Yippee----"
All of a sudden the world quaked. All three were knocked off their feet and they landed on their bony bottoms. They turned to gape at Annie just in time to see her lower her hand from the broad side of the monitor. They could hardly believe it. Annie had dealt them a walloping slap.
Their laughter choked into silence. "Uh oh."
Tears glinting along her lashes, Annie faced them down. All three cowered at the determination and courage blazing from her expression.
"That really hurt," Crabby squeaked. "What's she gonna do?"
"She's opening the file for her new wip," Icky groaned.
"No!" Pooey whined. "Shoo! Slink away!" But Annie set her chin at a fearless angle and placed her fingertips on the keyboard. She bagan to type. And type and type.
"She, she's working," Crabby said.
The anxiety on Annie's face softened as she poured her words into her story. Soon her cheeks blushed with the rose of her dreams. And her fingers flew with a tale of grandeur and passion.
"Is there anything..." Icky gulped. "We can do?!
Pooey's eyes rounded with terror. "No. There's only one thing more powerful than our trickery. And that's her love for her books. Run for cover!"
"Ack!" "Somebody save us!" "HELLpp!!"
Gurgle. Gurgle. Gurgle.
Annie pumped the air two quick times with her fist. They slowly, triumphantly, she began to smile.
The End

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#46312 - 01/08/06 03:28 AM Re: THE LEAKY PEN
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
After all the work it took Sandpiper to type this the least we can do is read it before covering it up and its a hoot too...loved it.

[ January 07, 2006, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#46313 - 01/08/06 04:02 AM Re: THE LEAKY PEN
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Very cute!

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#46314 - 01/08/06 05:34 AM Re: THE LEAKY PEN
NHJackie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 868
Loc: Merrimack, NH
It's very cute. I thought I said that before. SOmetimes I think responses and forget to post them.

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#46315 - 01/08/06 08:46 AM Re: THE LEAKY PEN
Sandpiper Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 1158
Loc: Kissimmee, Florida
Thanks, Chatty, Bluebird and Jackie. I did enjoy typing it in. You never know if it will get covered up, but thought I would post it for those who decided to give it a look see.

It is a favorite piece for me. I have kept only a few that I truely love. This is so cute, it stuck with me and I kept a copy of it. Somedays our computers act just like those gremlins.

Glad you all enjoyed it.

Sandpiper

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