I need help. My daughter 18 left home two weeks ago. She left home because she didn't like her curfew of 12:30- 1:00. She felt younger kids were doing more than she. She left to live with friends, she want to be on her own, support herself and do want ever she wants. The problem she wants to stay where she lives and go to the community college because thats where her boyfriend attends. I sold my house to move upstate new york because i thought she was settled in college. However, she is missing out on a $32,000 schlorship for swimming. She says she doesnt want to swim anymore. She has been doing it much of her life. How can u let something like this go? She came over with the police officer and picked up some of her items. The rest is stored. Any ideas. I have grieve forher and now again Im angry.

She came over with a police officer? Why in the world did she do that?

I have four grown children and one thing among many, that I've learned is you just have to let them learn from their own mistakes as painful as it is. That's how I learned at that age.

Sounds like the love in her life is influencing her. Maybe if that goes away, her brain will kick into gear again. I swear, they go through a span of mental craziness for a time.

If it helps, my oldest son is visiting me right now with his little family and there was a time I felt he'd never live to see 25. They do pull out of it.

My oldest left home right after she graduated high school to live with friends. She was only 18. She moved out for the same reasons. She didn't like her curfew and the rules of the house. She felt she was "old enough" to live on her own. She's now 24 yrs old and has been married for 4 years. I think she's grown up a lot and has turned out okay.

I, too, grieved when my daughter left home, but I came to understand that she was growing up and becoming independent. Since it was I who raised her to be independent, I could only blame myself.

As for your daughter coming back home with a police officer to pick up some of her things, she may have felt threatened on some way (pre-conceived or not) that she would find resistance from you. This could be from the influence of her friends as well.

Teenagers have so much pressure on them from their peers and society and themselves to prove that they're grown up. It's rough on them. They so badly want to establish their independence.

Go with your feelings. Feel your grief, be angry, and then accept the inevitable. Your daughter is growing up. Most of all, be supportive and let your daughter know in some way that you still love her. It helped in my situation, it might help in yours.

The survival of my 18 yr. old is a tribute to the L.A.P.D.
She packed up her clothes in trash bags, bungie corded them onto her mustang and took off with a friend for California. She called every day while camping up and down the west coast spending every penny I sent her for hotels, etc on having fun.
After she trading her car meaning I didn't know her tag number, she called crying about having a fender bender somewhere in the greater L.A. area.
When I reufused to pay to get her car repaired and insisted she come home, she hung up on me and didn't call for a week.

I couldn't sleep and was losing my mind with worry. I didn't know if she was just being spoiled or if she had been murdered or was being held hostage or no telling what.
Finally I called the L.A.P.D. They asked where they could get her dental records which really got me nuts.
But that very afternoon, she called from the police department. She was sooo upset. She said, "Mom, don't ever do that again!"

Seems the L.A.P.D. had tracked down the car accident to get her tag number then pulled her over and took her to the station. They handed her a phone, stood over her, and ordered her to "Call your Mother!"

She came home right after that.

I still love the L.A.P.D. When I hear them being harrassed in the media or something, I want to just go out there and give them all a hug.
They do survive!
smile

[ July 22, 2005, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I'm sure your heart is aching. I'm praying for you and your daughter. I have 20 and 16 year old sons, and a 17 year old daughter. My heart goes out to you.

I think the most important thing you can do for her is to let her know you love her, but don't approve of her decisions. But be certain she knows you love her.

How are you managing? Please remember to take care of yourself, talk with friends, pray, meet with a counselor, exercise, sleep, etc. It's important that you keep your sanity.

Unfortunately most of us grew up with the Father Knows Best TV show and The Cleavers well let me tell you that was all crap...Most of us that have older children have gone through much sadness and dissalusionment when we were faced with the realitys of "the real world." Michelle, my son at 17, 18 and probably until 22 gave me more missery than you can ever imagine. Horrible nasty girlfriends, they stole from my home, my purse. He was smart mouthed and insolent and left home. First he lived in a commune then he lived under a picnic table near our home at the beach. I went by to see him and said that "no matter what he did, how he felt about me, I loved him totally and when he was ready to act his age and follow the few rules of the house, my door was always open to him." A day later after a very cold and snowy night, he came home and now he's married to a wonderful woman and is the best son, father and step father anyone could ever ask for. Once he came home long ago, he appologized and has never hurt me since. I too ran away at 18, my father was unreasonable and mentally ill but when I saw what it did to my mother, I came back got engaged then married a wonderful boy. My mother never turned her back on me and I always remember apreciated that. I hope your child comes to her senses as many of us has an no harm comes to her in the meantime. It seems no matter how much time passes, some things never change....

Hello, I just want to ask something. Is it legal for a 18 years old to leave home? Sorry I m not originally from here so I dont know how the law works here in these kind of cases. are they still minors at the age of 18? If so why cant we just call the police and bring them home? Can a 18 years old leave home just for his or her own decition? I thought they had to be at least 19. I live in the state of New York so please, somebody answer me I dont know what to do.

Thank you

Americans are considered emancipated adults at 18.
Most people I know take quite awhile longer to become adults, myself included. I'm not sure I qualify now and I'm 47! But seriously, at 18 a "child" can leave home and pretty much do as they please (although the national drinking age is still 21 as far as I know).

And for Michelle....I understand your heartache completely...my son walked away from a full 4 year scholarship after a semester. He lounged around for about a year and then decided to enlist in the Army. My dreams of watching my son play lacrosse in college, visits home for holidays and summers, evaporated over night. But he has grown up a great deal in a short time and I am very proud of him.

Your daughter has made a choice and it's probably not a good one....the hard part will be letting her live with the choices for good or ill. If the first time she has a problem or needs help she calls you to rescue her, you're going to have to do the tough love thing and let her deal w/ her own problems. The one thing I'm sure of is that if you rescue her, she'll learn nothing, and she'll keep doing the runaway then come home routine. I have a 40plus sibling who is still pulling that w/ my mother!

This is the part of motherhood that is the most gut wrenching of all. We're all with you here and will pray for you.

I believe they can leave at 18 but you're still legally responsible for them until they are 21. Not 100% sure on that but I think it's true.

I left home at 18 and am here to say I wasn't old enough mentally. Thought I knew it all as do most 18 year olds but was so wrong. In Illinois, Nevada and DC a parent is off the hook at age 18. Don't know about any other states.

[ August 23, 2005, 07:59 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]