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#44979 - 03/12/04 07:10 PM couple weeks
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Ladies, what's the matter here? It's been since Feb. 23 since someone posted in this forum. Where's the queen when you need her? Are we losing our sense of humor? Gonna have to do something about that. [Big Grin]

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#44980 - 03/14/04 01:49 AM Re: couple weeks
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
In answer to your call for HUMOR, I have decided to offer these two Rhymes I wrote for The Washington Times newspapers lunchroom when the items covered became a problem.....

RESPECT THE WORKPLACE..... [Razz]

Micro wave gadget, makes micro wave magic,
A potato bakes in three.
Yet micro wave gadget with all of it's magic,
is not self cleaning you see.
So if you use it, please don't abuse it,
clean up the drips inside.
Because if you forget to, the dirt fairy will get you and she's going to tan your hide. [Embarrassed]

OFFICE ICE ETTIQUETTE.... [Roll Eyes]

This makes twice, I've needed some ice...and found all the ice trays bare.
If your the "ice mouse" remember this isn't your house, it's our office a place we all share.
Lets start fresh from today, if you use, fill the tray, even if you just take a few pieces.
But if you must be a louse mouse, we're not going to grouse, there are better ways to deal with bad mieces. [Mad]

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#44981 - 03/15/04 04:49 PM Re: couple weeks
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
I am going to tape it to the microwave. We definitely have some gross people at the office.

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#44982 - 03/15/04 10:52 PM Re: couple weeks
Thistle Cove Farm Offline
Member

Registered: 01/01/04
Posts: 678
Loc: Tazewell County, VA, USA
A man was returning home a day early from his business trip because he'd suspected his wife was having an affair. It was after midnight when he caught a cab at the airport. While in route to his home, he asked the driver if he'd go into his home with him for $100., as he suspected his wife was having an affair and if he caught her with another man, he'd need a witness. For $100, the cabby agreed.

The husband & cabby tiptoed into the bedroom and sure enough his wife was with another man. The husband put a gun to the man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't, Edward, this man has been too generous! I didn't inherit any money as I said I did - he paid for the new Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our home at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head, the husband lowered the gun & asked the cab driver, "What would you do?"

The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

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#44983 - 03/15/04 11:05 PM Re: couple weeks
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Chatty, I should post the first one on our microwave at home! [Eek!]

Someone told me they have these cloths that you put in the microwave and hit a few seconds and poof...all clean. Anyone know who makes them?

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#44984 - 03/15/04 11:07 PM Re: couple weeks
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Thistle, for the love of money...ha! [Razz]

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#44985 - 03/16/04 02:11 AM Re: couple weeks
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
This joke warranted calling Mom and sharing. She laughed so loud and it reminded me how much I love to hear her laughter. Thanks Thistle woman...your like milk, you do a body good!

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#44986 - 03/16/04 03:44 AM Re: couple weeks
Thistle Cove Farm Offline
Member

Registered: 01/01/04
Posts: 678
Loc: Tazewell County, VA, USA
Someone sent me some doctor stories...this one made me laugh -

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name

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#44987 - 03/18/04 05:32 AM Re: couple weeks
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
A little 85 year old woman who was afraid of the dentist had to go to have her remaining teeth worked on. She was half asleep in the chair when the young handsome dentist entered the room. He began looking into her mouth and probing about when suddenly she reached out and grabbed him by his privates. He took a deep breathe saying, madame do you know what your doing? She smiled sweetly and said, yes sonny, and if you don't hurt me, I won't hurt you. [Big Grin]

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#44988 - 03/18/04 12:22 PM Re: couple weeks
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Love it Chatty! I think I'll try that next Dentist app't! [Big Grin]

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#44989 - 03/18/04 12:35 PM Re: couple weeks
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
My cooking is an acquired taste
and so far I'm the only one who's acquired it.

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#44990 - 03/18/04 05:08 PM Re: couple weeks
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
I'mmmmm backkkkkkk!

Look out! Here she comes!
But then it was done
Her big car ran over me.

My poor car was cracked
It was smashed it was hacked
And my hand & ribs made three

All the docs said oh pooh
No worries for you
Some day you’ll be as good as new

So I hobbled I crawled
It wasn’t a breeze
And my prayer became don’t let me sneeze

The drugs were all handy
And taste quite like candy
And for hours there was no pain

But healing came sooner
In notes from my Boomers
Cause friends heal friends again…

Being in a wreck is such a bummer
But I’m here to tell you
I’m getting a hummer!

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#44991 - 03/18/04 07:41 PM Re: couple weeks
DonnaJ Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 1076
Loc: Ohio, USA
ROFLOL!! Good to see you back! I give it two thumbs up and one cracked rib as a bonus. LOL!!

Donna

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#44992 - 03/18/04 09:36 PM Re: couple weeks
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Queen, good to see you're back at it! Hard to picture a queen in a hummer. [Big Grin] But you're no ordinary queen! [Wink]

Thistle, smart cabby,huh?

Chatty, unfortunately I don't have a young,handsome dentist!

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#44993 - 03/25/04 12:04 AM Re: couple weeks
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
THANK GOD FOR ITALIAN MEN......
On a recent transalantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm..The turbelance is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stnds up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable. [Roll Eyes] Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone seems to have forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then an ITALIAN man stands up in the center of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark curly hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves...
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps...
He whispers; [Wink] Iron this, and get me something to eat, pronto....!!

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#44994 - 03/26/04 01:50 AM Re: couple weeks
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Dotsie, or anyone with this knowledge; [Wink]

If I get a really funny email with pictures, how would I send it to this site as a joke under; [Big Grin] Laughter, The Best Medicine. [Big Grin] OR is it even possible. I await your reply and thanks. Boy do I ever have to take a computer course, so dumb, [Roll Eyes] eek's.

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#44995 - 03/26/04 05:01 AM Re: couple weeks
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Chatty, and everyone...Dotsie is having MAJOR problems with her computer so if you don't get a timely reply, not to worry. She may be off even a couple of days...Then again, she may jump on her hubby's computer...

But just in case, I wanted to let you all know.

JJ

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#44996 - 03/26/04 05:29 AM Re: couple weeks
Evie Offline
Member

Registered: 08/27/03
Posts: 791
Loc: Nipigon, Ontario Canada
geez, JJ - if she "jumps on her husbands computer" won't she break it? [Razz]

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#44997 - 03/26/04 06:27 AM Re: couple weeks
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
nahhh...she ain't heavy...she's my sistah...teehee

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#44998 - 03/26/04 06:29 AM Re: couple weeks
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
chatty, very funny joke about the airplane. For a moment I thought we were going to get a peak at some of the writing you do.

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#44999 - 03/26/04 07:32 AM Re: couple weeks
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Candice, I would be happy to send you a sample story anytime, [Wink] I'll send anyone one BUT you will be squirming in your chair, I guarantee it. When my writing mentor read it she said she had to run outside and chop a load of firewood. [Big Grin] To think that I write this all from memory too, LOL [Razz]

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