Site Links










Top Posters
Dotsie 23647
chatty lady 20267
jawjaw 12025
jabber 10032
Dianne 6123
Latest Photos
car
Useable gifts!
Winter wonderland/fantasy for real
The Soap lady meets the Senator
baby chicks
Angel
Quilted Christmas Stocking
Latest Quilt
Shelter from the storm
A new life
Who's Online
0 Registered (), 127 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
3239 Members
63 Forums
16332 Topics
210704 Posts

Max Online: 409 @ 01/17/20 03:33 AM
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#4173 - 11/30/04 07:26 PM Do your kids do this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
My youngest son is 28 years old and lives in AZ. He's getting married next September.

I leased a car for him a few years ago because he has not established credit yet. Now, I have to call and threaten him to send me the payment. Well, I don't really threaten him. I just tell him I'll have to come to AZ for a fly in shooting or something like that. [Razz]

It seems because I'm his mom, I don't come first in his financial scheme. "Oh, I'll be sending the payment to you next week!" However, he's two payments behind and I only get one. I don't like to discuss this with him all the time. I think he's old enough to take care of this himself and both he and his fiance are working. Gads.

Do any of you have this problem and if so, how do you handle it?

Top
#4174 - 12/01/04 08:30 AM Re: Do your kids do this?
Songbird Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
Dianne:
If he isn't sending payment on time i believe YOU MUST discuss this with him. He is old enough to be responsible for his debts. Don't let him take advantage of you [Eek!] ! That isn't right!!!

I have a 16 yr. old you recently got his first car (About a month ago). When we went to register, I paid with a check, but he already gave me the $ back. See, he knew if he wanted a car he needed to have the $ upfront, so he worked for it.

I also signed for him to get a wireless phone, but he paid me back too! And he's only working a few hrs. after school.

Now, he knows, if he doesn't save his $ to pay his telephone bill, he will simply not be able to use it- I am not gonna be paying for him if he doesn't do his part!

Talk to your son and demand responsibility. He's an adult!

Top
#4175 - 11/30/04 11:28 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Oh my gosh...I have! I mean, I've been nice and I've been very strong. I told him I could very easily fly to AZ and take his car away and drive it back to TN...given I was paying for it anyway, I might as well be driving it. He handed me a fist full of cash on Thanksgiving but I want him sending me money every month! I'd hate to repo the car but will if I have to.

Top
#4176 - 12/01/04 05:30 AM Re: Do your kids do this?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Good for you Dianne, my God he's 23 years old and should know this is an obligation and not a favor from mommy....I would tell him you want a check every month and on time and if he's short of money see which of his other creditors will wait for their money. I hated to be that way with my son but I was and he is a very responsible man today because of it.... [Eek!]

Top
#4177 - 12/01/04 10:23 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I think teaching kids these kinds of lessons is so hard, but I believe we have to do it.

Isn't it funny how you can raise several kids, teach them all the same morals and values, and have them all turn out differently?

Top
#4178 - 12/01/04 11:44 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Yes and amen! My daughter would never think of not paying me back or not making her car payments on time. It seems my son tries to get away with anything he can. And, it sounds really tacky to say this but his dad is the same way.

Top
#4179 - 12/02/04 01:28 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
I learned a very valuable lesson about MY kids years ago...

When I asked my Daddy why my son did so N so...he said simply, "Because he can." nuff said.

JJ

Top
#4180 - 12/02/04 05:59 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Yup, we let them get away with it! We're not helping them become independent by doing so either! [Wink]

Top
#4181 - 12/02/04 07:18 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Vicki M. Taylor Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
I had to do something similar with my daughter. I leased an apt for her, making the first payment and then letting her go on her own. It wasn't long before she had mismanaged her money and wasn't making her rent payment any longer. Even though I co-signed for her on the apt, I wasn't going to bail her out. She ended up getting evicted and had to rely on other people to have a place to stay.

She's learned the hard way that she's responsible for her life and if she doens't put herself first, then no one else will. She also learned that mom does generous things ONCE and mom doesn't repeat mistakes.

Now, she and her boyfriend are living at his house (with his parents) and they're saving their money to make a down payment on a house.

Big difference, eh?

Top
#4182 - 12/02/04 09:36 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
How did you keep from having that listed on your credit? I refuse to let my son ruin my good credit so I make the payment and know it will be on time. He's supposed to send the payment to me to cover my payment, which rarely happens on time. Darn kid anyway! Grow up already! Since going through this with him, he's asked me for loans and I refuse. So, I guess he's making it on his own. Has a roof over his head anyway.

Top
#4183 - 12/02/04 09:58 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Dianne, I just read read the statement at the bottom of your post. It says "If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice."
Maybe that's a message to you and your son. Maybe if it doesn't feel good to him to miss the payments, he won't do it again . And if it doesn't feel good to you to trust him to make payments that he doesn't you won't do it again.

Of course, as we all know, when you love someone, a lot of good advice just goes out the window.
smile

Top
#4184 - 12/03/04 12:03 AM Re: Do your kids do this?
Vicki M. Taylor Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
Dianne. Somehow, through fate and a desire to re-rent the apt as quickly as possible. The apt complex did not report the eviction on my credit.

But, I that was a lesson I had to learn too. I had to step back and stop bailing her out. She's 21 now and I had to let her grow up. It was hard. Really hard for me. I enabled her for a long time. Too long in some people's opinions. [Smile] (Like my husband.)

I really feel for you. I know what you're going through. You want to help protect them from making mistakes, but instead you're buffering them from real life.

Top
#4185 - 12/03/04 03:57 AM Re: Do your kids do this?
angelsmuse Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 170
Loc: Pennsylvania
This is a hard one. I have three grown children and we have done some bailing and some not bailing. Each kid has been different in their response to money. My oldest son is 25 and living in New York. He is a starving actor, tried college but then quit because he wanted to try and make a go of it on his own. For his 21st birhtday we bought him a brand new car and agreed to make the payments until he graduated or quit school. Well we just finished paying on his car this last June of which he only contributed to for a few months. We will be getting the car in January to do with what we want because he really has no use for it in NYC. He rarely asks us for money. My second son is 23 years old and a senior in college. He bought his own car agreeing to make the payments but once he got involved in college he had to stop, so we took over his payments for him to avoid getting our credit messed up. He also had messed up three semesters at the University of Alabama before we decided to bring him home and make him go to a state school. He also needs to find a way to pay for his own college although we do help out with his rent and food expenses. When he goes for his Master's in the fall he will be doing it on his own except for the car payments. Now my 20 year old daughter is another story. She is living at home with her one year old daughter. Has had three attemps at starting school and is starting her last chance in January if she messes that up I told her we are no longer bailing her out. We also bought her a brand new car a year and a half ago. Because she needed a safer car for driving her baby around. We are making payments on this car also. Now she wants to move into an apt with some co-workers and her baby. We will see how that goes. I babysit for her while she works and when she goes to school I will babysit then also. So ladies where do I draw the line. Yes you have to let them become responsible but it is so hard to decide when to let go.

Chris(angel) [Confused]

Top
#4186 - 12/03/04 06:54 AM Re: Do your kids do this?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
I have a daughter who dropped out of college twice, packed up her car and took off to the West Coast with a girlfriend, camped up and down the coast, spent every penny I sent her on silliness, stayed in the homeless shelter, slept in hospital lobbies, and showered in people's sprinklers. I was worried insane when at last, she decided to come home. Pregnant.

In the midst of losing my mind, I bought her a house. I wanted her to have a roof over her head. But I refused to make the payments on a New car she bought and so it subsequently got reposessed, I bought her a used car and refused to waste any more tuition money.

The baby was born-a great and wonderful child-and my daughter got herself an education grant, went back to college, finisehd in less than three years with a 4 point gpa, and is now a CPA.

I am certain it was prayer combined with love. I had personally given up, but when the baby came along and filled us all up with such tremendous love, even my daughter could do nothing but excel.

That was my UNsolution. She solved it on her own. Now she the father of her child is her husband. He's good to her and she's happy. She gave birth to my granddaughter in May. I pray they stay happy forever.
smile

Top
#4187 - 12/03/04 06:49 PM Re: Do your kids do this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
It IS hard to know when to draw the line. If you throw them out, they stand the chance of being on the streets and all that goes with it. If you let them live with you and buy their cars, they take advantage of you! Geesh! I leased my daughter's car but she always makes the payment on time, by herself without me writing a check for her. But, it took a while for us to get to this point. It was hard for me to cut her off, very hard but now, she says it's the best thing that ever happened to her. Hated me for a while but now understands. Do we ever get them raised?

Top
#4188 - 12/04/04 01:55 AM Re: Do your kids do this?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I think it was Dotsie that said you can have more than one child, raise them all the same and some turn out and some don't. I have 2 sons, one is gone and I haven't seen him now for almost 10 years....The other, my oldest son, has a beautiful new home and wonderful family and they beg me to come live with them so we can see one another every day. [Big Grin] Its funny because this son gave me the most trouble as a teenager while his younger brother (by 5 years) got straight A's and was a health nut and body builder, now I don't have any idea where he is or what he's doing. Go figure! [Frown]

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >



NABBW.com | Forum Testimonials | Newsletter Sign Up | View Our Newsletter | Advertise With Us
About the Founder | Media Room | Contact BWS
Resources for Women | Boomer Books | Recent Reads | Boomer Links | Our Voices | Home

Boomer Women Speak
9672 W US Highway 20, Galena, IL 61036 • info@boomerwomenspeak.com • 1-877-BOOMERZ

Boomer Women Speak cannot be held accountable for any personal relationships or meetings face-to-face that develop because of interaction with the forums. In addition, we cannot be held accountable for any information posted in Boomer Women Speak forums.

Boomer Women Speak does not represent or endorse the reliability of any information or offers in connection with advertisements,
articles or other information displayed on our site. Please do your own due diligence when viewing our information.

Privacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer

Copyright 2002-2019 • Boomer Women SpeakBoomerCo Inc. • All rights reserved