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#4173 - 11/30/04 07:26 PM
Do your kids do this?
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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My youngest son is 28 years old and lives in AZ. He's getting married next September. I leased a car for him a few years ago because he has not established credit yet. Now, I have to call and threaten him to send me the payment. Well, I don't really threaten him. I just tell him I'll have to come to AZ for a fly in shooting or something like that. It seems because I'm his mom, I don't come first in his financial scheme. "Oh, I'll be sending the payment to you next week!" However, he's two payments behind and I only get one. I don't like to discuss this with him all the time. I think he's old enough to take care of this himself and both he and his fiance are working. Gads. Do any of you have this problem and if so, how do you handle it?
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#4174 - 12/01/04 08:30 AM
Re: Do your kids do this?
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Member
Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
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Dianne: If he isn't sending payment on time i believe YOU MUST discuss this with him. He is old enough to be responsible for his debts. Don't let him take advantage of you ! That isn't right!!! I have a 16 yr. old you recently got his first car (About a month ago). When we went to register, I paid with a check, but he already gave me the $ back. See, he knew if he wanted a car he needed to have the $ upfront, so he worked for it. I also signed for him to get a wireless phone, but he paid me back too! And he's only working a few hrs. after school. Now, he knows, if he doesn't save his $ to pay his telephone bill, he will simply not be able to use it- I am not gonna be paying for him if he doesn't do his part! Talk to your son and demand responsibility. He's an adult!
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#4184 - 12/03/04 12:03 AM
Re: Do your kids do this?
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Member
Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
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Dianne. Somehow, through fate and a desire to re-rent the apt as quickly as possible. The apt complex did not report the eviction on my credit. But, I that was a lesson I had to learn too. I had to step back and stop bailing her out. She's 21 now and I had to let her grow up. It was hard. Really hard for me. I enabled her for a long time. Too long in some people's opinions. (Like my husband.) I really feel for you. I know what you're going through. You want to help protect them from making mistakes, but instead you're buffering them from real life.
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#4185 - 12/03/04 03:57 AM
Re: Do your kids do this?
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Member
Registered: 11/12/04
Posts: 170
Loc: Pennsylvania
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This is a hard one. I have three grown children and we have done some bailing and some not bailing. Each kid has been different in their response to money. My oldest son is 25 and living in New York. He is a starving actor, tried college but then quit because he wanted to try and make a go of it on his own. For his 21st birhtday we bought him a brand new car and agreed to make the payments until he graduated or quit school. Well we just finished paying on his car this last June of which he only contributed to for a few months. We will be getting the car in January to do with what we want because he really has no use for it in NYC. He rarely asks us for money. My second son is 23 years old and a senior in college. He bought his own car agreeing to make the payments but once he got involved in college he had to stop, so we took over his payments for him to avoid getting our credit messed up. He also had messed up three semesters at the University of Alabama before we decided to bring him home and make him go to a state school. He also needs to find a way to pay for his own college although we do help out with his rent and food expenses. When he goes for his Master's in the fall he will be doing it on his own except for the car payments. Now my 20 year old daughter is another story. She is living at home with her one year old daughter. Has had three attemps at starting school and is starting her last chance in January if she messes that up I told her we are no longer bailing her out. We also bought her a brand new car a year and a half ago. Because she needed a safer car for driving her baby around. We are making payments on this car also. Now she wants to move into an apt with some co-workers and her baby. We will see how that goes. I babysit for her while she works and when she goes to school I will babysit then also. So ladies where do I draw the line. Yes you have to let them become responsible but it is so hard to decide when to let go. Chris(angel)
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#4186 - 12/03/04 06:54 AM
Re: Do your kids do this?
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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I have a daughter who dropped out of college twice, packed up her car and took off to the West Coast with a girlfriend, camped up and down the coast, spent every penny I sent her on silliness, stayed in the homeless shelter, slept in hospital lobbies, and showered in people's sprinklers. I was worried insane when at last, she decided to come home. Pregnant.
In the midst of losing my mind, I bought her a house. I wanted her to have a roof over her head. But I refused to make the payments on a New car she bought and so it subsequently got reposessed, I bought her a used car and refused to waste any more tuition money.
The baby was born-a great and wonderful child-and my daughter got herself an education grant, went back to college, finisehd in less than three years with a 4 point gpa, and is now a CPA.
I am certain it was prayer combined with love. I had personally given up, but when the baby came along and filled us all up with such tremendous love, even my daughter could do nothing but excel.
That was my UNsolution. She solved it on her own. Now she the father of her child is her husband. He's good to her and she's happy. She gave birth to my granddaughter in May. I pray they stay happy forever. smile
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