My youngest son is 28 years old and lives in AZ. He's getting married next September.

I leased a car for him a few years ago because he has not established credit yet. Now, I have to call and threaten him to send me the payment. Well, I don't really threaten him. I just tell him I'll have to come to AZ for a fly in shooting or something like that.

It seems because I'm his mom, I don't come first in his financial scheme. "Oh, I'll be sending the payment to you next week!" However, he's two payments behind and I only get one. I don't like to discuss this with him all the time. I think he's old enough to take care of this himself and both he and his fiance are working. Gads.

Do any of you have this problem and if so, how do you handle it?

Dianne:
If he isn't sending payment on time i believe YOU MUST discuss this with him. He is old enough to be responsible for his debts. Don't let him take advantage of you ! That isn't right!!!

I have a 16 yr. old you recently got his first car (About a month ago). When we went to register, I paid with a check, but he already gave me the $ back. See, he knew if he wanted a car he needed to have the $ upfront, so he worked for it.

I also signed for him to get a wireless phone, but he paid me back too! And he's only working a few hrs. after school.

Now, he knows, if he doesn't save his $ to pay his telephone bill, he will simply not be able to use it- I am not gonna be paying for him if he doesn't do his part!

Talk to your son and demand responsibility. He's an adult!

Oh my gosh...I have! I mean, I've been nice and I've been very strong. I told him I could very easily fly to AZ and take his car away and drive it back to TN...given I was paying for it anyway, I might as well be driving it. He handed me a fist full of cash on Thanksgiving but I want him sending me money every month! I'd hate to repo the car but will if I have to.

Good for you Dianne, my God he's 23 years old and should know this is an obligation and not a favor from mommy....I would tell him you want a check every month and on time and if he's short of money see which of his other creditors will wait for their money. I hated to be that way with my son but I was and he is a very responsible man today because of it....

I think teaching kids these kinds of lessons is so hard, but I believe we have to do it.

Isn't it funny how you can raise several kids, teach them all the same morals and values, and have them all turn out differently?

Yes and amen! My daughter would never think of not paying me back or not making her car payments on time. It seems my son tries to get away with anything he can. And, it sounds really tacky to say this but his dad is the same way.

I learned a very valuable lesson about MY kids years ago...

When I asked my Daddy why my son did so N so...he said simply, "Because he can." nuff said.

JJ

Yup, we let them get away with it! We're not helping them become independent by doing so either!

I had to do something similar with my daughter. I leased an apt for her, making the first payment and then letting her go on her own. It wasn't long before she had mismanaged her money and wasn't making her rent payment any longer. Even though I co-signed for her on the apt, I wasn't going to bail her out. She ended up getting evicted and had to rely on other people to have a place to stay.

She's learned the hard way that she's responsible for her life and if she doens't put herself first, then no one else will. She also learned that mom does generous things ONCE and mom doesn't repeat mistakes.

Now, she and her boyfriend are living at his house (with his parents) and they're saving their money to make a down payment on a house.

Big difference, eh?

How did you keep from having that listed on your credit? I refuse to let my son ruin my good credit so I make the payment and know it will be on time. He's supposed to send the payment to me to cover my payment, which rarely happens on time. Darn kid anyway! Grow up already! Since going through this with him, he's asked me for loans and I refuse. So, I guess he's making it on his own. Has a roof over his head anyway.