FYI: I did e-mail this to Dotsie first to get aproval for this to be posted.
The following is of a sensitive nature.
(Actual Names have been changed as to keep anonymity and personal safety.)
My dearest Daddy,
I am writing this letter for my therapy with Bob. I know that today we have a very healthy and good relationship. However, there are many, many things in my past with you and times in my past that you were abusive to me. There are many, many times where you were just plain emotionally unavailable to me.
You were my daddy. I loved you with all my heart. You were supposed to love me unconditionally and protect me and love me no matter what. There were certainally times when you did do just that. However, there were many times in my life that you just plain failed at being there for me.
I want to talk today about a few specific ones.
The times when I was young and you left me with sitters. I hated that. I am sure you were making the best choice you could at the time but they were not nice to me and mean and hurtful. You made very bad choices of people to take care of your babies. These people were not good and reliable healthy people. I did not like them and they abused me. You know about Kelly and the dresser incident but what you don’t know about that is my feelings. I felt abandoned and alone. I felt like I might die litterely and that no one may care enough to help me. Daddy I was scared and alone and I was only five years old. I was a very insecure and sad child at five years old. I don’t understand why you left me with people like her. And that Julian guy who used to make me undress and lay over that bar stool so he could beat me with a belt. He was awful. He did not have a clue how to take care of children. Just because I tried to make koolaid water and used sugar………..that is not okay. I wanted you to get mad at him for undressing me and beating me with a belt. You did not protect me daddy.
The incident of me being raped by my Step-brother. I don’t understand to this day why you did not take my side. I am your baby girl. Your supposed to hear me, believe me, and protect me. Why daddy? Why did you take her side. I know she is your wife but you’re my daddy. Blood is thicker isn’t it?? I know you love her but I am your baby girl. That hurt me so bad daddy. He did rape me and I did not know what to do. I felt so scared and confused and intimidated by him. I felt intimidated by her, and her words at me too. I just knew that if I said something you would not believe me. I was right. You didn’t. That hurt me bad.
Dad then there was all the abuse when I was a child. Throwing me down and kicking me in the ribs. Why would a daddy with so much love and kindness do such hurtful and harmful things. I always knew you loved me yet felt hated and unwanted many times because of the punishments you gave me.
I love you dad and have forgiven you but am still to this day effected greately by your bad actions.
Your loving daughter,
Me
Authors Note: I know this is a sad letter and a bit graphic....but it is my real life experience, except for the changed names. I have wanted forever to get this out to share this place in me that feels sad. I wanted to share so that I might heal and hope you will all help me in doing that very thing. I also wish to let anyone else who went through simular stuff to know.......Your not alone!
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