Does anyone here deal with reclusiveness? Lately is the first time in my life that I have been a full time emty nest homemaker and I think I may be becoming reclusive.
Of course being in pain and in this cast may be the problem, but I find myself enjoying just being alone with my husband more and more. I don't entertain or go out as much.
When I am with others I find myself feeling out numbered and I censor my conversation. I just want to get home. Maybe it is being in this cast and in pain, Either way, I am becoming less and less social and more and more reclusive.
Is that normal?
smile

It's "normal" if it feels right.

When I was 25, it was normal for me to go out dancing 4 times a week till 3am. It would be highly abnormal for me to do that at 54. Even one night a month. Even until 1am, with a lot of sitting breaks in-between.

My point is that our parameters for "normal" change during our lives, not just for age but also for specific circumstances.

You already knew this answer, but you want someone else to validate what you know you know, so here it is, and you can say that Ms. Brilliant told you so:

You're in a lot of physical pain. You have a long way to go in the healing process. Your body knows this. Your brain knows this, both intellectually and emotionally. Your ex-nurse self knows this.

All of the above components of you know that for this to happen, you need to REST. The part of you that thinks you should be out doing things may not want to rest, but every other facet in this equation knows you should.

Think of it as a survival instinct. Your body/intellect/emotions synchronize for your survival. If you need to physically rest, then your emotions also say REST.

But you already knew this. And wanting to survive and thrive is one of the most normal things we do.

Meredith,
Love ya' girl. You are one smart cookie. And eloquent too. Just what I needed to hear.
Knowing those things and believing them for yourself are two different things. I guess I needed reinforcement.

Maybe it's just that entertaining and going out are just more trouble than they are worth at this point.

Guess I'll just enjoy whatever I have to deal with for a while longer. Over soon I hope.
smile

Smile, I think it's beautiful that you are feeling this way. It confirms the fact that you are capable of being content with whatever the Lord throws your way.

Enjoy the reclusiveness for now because I have a feeling that when the pain and cast are no longer around you'll be out socializing again. And if not...then so be it. Rejoice and be glad you have Mr. Wonderful to chill with.

I'm really glad you brought this up because just this morning, I was talking to myself and questioning if maybe I'm becoming too reclusive. If I do go out, I want to go back home. I was supposed to go out last night and canceled at the last minute. I had "cuted" myself all up and went back into the bathroom and "uncuted" myself and read a book. It kind of worries me a bit.

Dots,
Thank you for reminding me that he still is Mr. Wonderful.
It's not even been two years yet and we've already been through a lot. We've dealt with death, aging parents, kids, moving, remodeling, illness, surgery, and now what seems like never ending recovery.
I had no idea how debilitating this surgery would be. I would never have survived without him. He took off work to take care of me like a baby for a week after surgery then came home and fixed dinner every day until a couple of weeks ago when the swelling finally stopped and I got a walking cast.
He made chili for Christmas dinner and wrapped all the presents. He got the white lights on the tree and when he couldn't figure out the decorations, he just added a lot of colored lights. He called me from work several times a day and came home exhausted to fix dinner when I couldn't.
He bought the weirdest stuff when he was grocery shopping, but he got it done. And when I absolutely had to get out of the house he loaded me and the wheelchair into the car and we laughed like idiots as he wheeled me through the gift shops. He drug the wheelchair, coffee, cookies, and me to the poetry reading. He applauded and told me I was wonderful.
We've laughed and cried, agreed and argued. And through it all, we've had fun and made love.
Thanks for helping me remember to count Mr. Wonderful among my blessings.
smile

Oh boy, I'm the Queen of reclusiveness!!

I only go out when I absolutely have to. I'll go to the grocery store when we need it and I go out to get my hair cut every 5 weeks.

If I need to go shopping and I can buy it online, you bet I do.

Just last week I found a place online that sells my dog's favorite biscuits for less then what it would cost me to go out and get it. (Not including the anxiety of just going out.)

Yes, I have an anxiety disorder that keeps me in my house. But, it's so nice and comfortable here. I don't have to put up with people and their antics, I can write whenever I feel like it, and my dog loves me to stay home with him. Every afternoon my favorite person and best friend comes home and we get to spend the rest of the day together.

Smile, you and your husband have such a wonderful relationship. It makes me all tingly inside just reading about it.

I tend to be reclusive in the winter months. I get depressed and it takes a crowbar to get me out of the house!! Hate my job, don't want to go, but can't give up the pay yet.

Hi, I agree that normal is what you feel comfortable with. However, if you are questioning what is normal, and it doesn't feel right, or there is a sudden change in patterns, then maybe it's not so normal. There seems to be a common thread of reclusiveness here. I like being reclusive as AHA: artist, homemaker, author. However, there is a phrase of Dr. Phil's that I like: "require more of yourself." So I try to require more of myself. Dianne, what made you change your mind after you were all dressed up? I used to have what is now called "social anxiety disorder" in combination with panic attacks. A trip to the grocery store for 5 items sent me into full-blown panic. Sometimes I'd get myself as far as the store, get out of the car, get back in, get back out, back in, only to go home without shopping. Now, that is not normal. Fortunately, therapy and meds helped me. I'd still rather have the groceries delivered! Smile, I can't believe all that you do while recovering; you sure challenge yourself, what with the poetry reading and all. I would think that an author would have a lot of reclusive time; I know I need a lot of space. But if I want to sell books, I have to step out of my need for space. Today I forced myself to talk to Borders and BN in preparation for presentations during April, which is Child Abuse Prevention month. I don't get too many social invitations, which is okay with me. So, count me in on reclusive. At least there's the web to keep in touch! Love and Light, Lynn

Sherri, mind if I ask what is the job that you hate? That's awful, to have to have a job you hate. I've been there, done that too. We could use a second income, but my mood is so much better than when I was working at a job that we're willing to forego the funds to keep peace in our marriage. I was a b**** to live with when I had low pay high stress jobs that sucked the life out of me. I hope you don't have to hate the job for too long. LLL