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#34288 - 08/11/03 03:20 PM finding balance
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
For the most part I have been a full time homemaker since my first son arrived 18 years ago.

Other than a 3 year, part time stint with a job at my church, I have done the mom, hubby thing for a very long time.

I am now balancing the full time job and mom/hubby thing and I am feeling crunched.

I know I have to delegate more, but it is a hard transition. I actually liked being a stay at home mom, but decided it was time for this woman to branch out.

Any ideas on keeping my sanity and branching out. I tend to be getting less sleep in order to DO IT ALL!

Fall will help because I won't be squeezing everything in while the kids are home like I am doing this summer.

Why do I feel guilty when I have to tell my kids that I am working and can't run them to a friends, take them shopping, drive them here and there, etc.?

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#34289 - 08/13/03 05:13 AM Re: finding balance
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
Because you work at/form/in home is why you feel bad. Everyone I've talked to about working from home and every book and article I've read says that the biggest barrier to working at home is setting boundaries. While you may be at home, that doesn't mean that you have time to do things you wouldn't do if you were in a office. Mainly the articles I've read have to do with spouses who believe that since you're at home, you should be doing all the house stuff. As it seems in your case, it is happening with your kids. In my house, I close the door. When the door is closed, it's like I'm away at work. My husband does not bother me unless it is time for dinner or needs to come in to our bedroom/my office for something.

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#34290 - 08/14/03 02:13 PM Re: finding balance
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Thank you! I love the door closing idea.

Your post and my just writing about it has helped me come up with some simple ideas to make this a little easier for everyone.

My office is on the end of the house which should make it easier to cut myself off from the rest of the world.

My problem is that I love being involved in my families life (being the busy body that I am) so I like taking them places and spending time with them. I just have to draw boundaries and STICK to them.

Summer is hardest because the kiddies are home more often.

I am going to write an article about this. I know it will help me sort it all out! [Wink]

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#34291 - 08/14/03 03:47 PM Re: finding balance
Kathryn Offline
Member

Registered: 11/20/02
Posts: 317
Loc: Towson
Walking the tight rope of motherhood without a net is overwhelming. I've learned recently that balance is extremely important. Setting priorities, taking time for our husbands and ourselves, while still being an active involved parent is difficult. It is only since tumbling from that motherhood tight rope that I have discovered how much I need to learn about balance.
One thing I definitly learned is that I don't intend to do the high wire routine anymore. I'm going to find a way to do my balancing on the ground....so what does that leave in life's circus? Ringmaster, no! Lion tamer, always! I know, I'll just be the circus clown who makes everyone smile, NO, No and No! What does that leave....ah, spectator! I will watch the circus as it evolves and see what happens.

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#34292 - 08/15/03 04:35 AM Re: finding balance
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Kath, I can certainly relate to watching the circus as it evolves around me, but I just can't keep myself from joining the circus!

I need to get better at minding my own business in my household, but with three teens around (plus their friends who often live here) it is hard to find that balance.

Always something to strive for! [Wink]

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#34293 - 08/17/03 07:30 AM Re: finding balance
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
It'll be easier to mind your own business once their away. It's harder to know everything when you only hear about it rather than see it.

[ August 16, 2003, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: Candice Johnson ]

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#34294 - 08/18/03 08:32 PM Re: finding balance
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Candice, Amen to that. And what I don't hear about...all the better, right? [Big Grin]

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#34295 - 08/19/03 06:09 AM Re: finding balance
Julie Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/03
Posts: 332
Loc: Australia
Dotsie,
since having a "second go" at motherhood with my baby daughter and going back to work full-time a year later, I have learnt that it is OK to modify my standards in housework and VERY OK to get my teenage sons to do more around the house. It is very good training for them as future husbands. The only thing they will not do for me is change nappies. (Sorry, I forgot, vomit is also a no-go area). I now have paid help to clean the house, rarely do the ironing more than once a fortnight and although the neighbours may not like the weediness of our garden, the earth has not stopped turning.
Don't expect things to be the same when you are putting in place choices that affect your whole life. And isn't change what makes life interesting?

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#34296 - 08/22/03 10:11 PM Re: finding balance
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Julie,
Nappies must be the American version of diapers. [Big Grin] Can't get most teenage boys to do that here either.

You are so right about it being good for the guys to do house chores. Our guys know how to do most of the lovely chores around the house, but I still think I don't make them do enough.

If they knew I was considering this due to the connecting I am doing in my forum, they might hack the computer! [Big Grin] HA!

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#34297 - 10/21/03 11:49 PM Re: finding balance
DJ Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
I too have been in both these situations. I've worked in the office as well as at home. I actually like working out of the house. Let's be honest about working in the office -- there's a LOT of time wasted there. There's a lot that has to do with office politics, useless meetings, parties with sugary treats for any excuse, etc. In the US, probably most 9-5 jobs could been done a lot more efficiently, in much less time. It's just a convention that we HAVE to be in the office 5 days a week, during "work hours." In many ways, it's much easier than doing the mom at home with kids routine. I agree that if you're doing everything then you have to lower your standards about something. The most logical place wuld be housework. How can you lower your standrads about child rearing or about what you're being paid to do, if you want to keep your paid position. And let's be honest again here -- most women in the US are still responsible for kids and house, even if they have full time jobs. The best thing any of us can do is to have friends (and family members) with whom to trade and to share, childrearing, errands, etc.

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