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#34273 - 03/30/03 03:55 PM Burned-out already?
maylene Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 9
Loc: baltimore
I guess I am trying to get feedback on the feeling of being overwhelmed and wanting to pull out of everything! I am 37 years old and a stay-at-home mother of three and find myself feeling that I just can't do one more thing! We all say that learning how to say "no" is crucial, but it really takes some resolve to do so when the responses you get from other women see that "saying no" as a weakness. I think I see women saying one thing but relaying another through body language and tone of voice. If we only knew how much we effect each other! We need to be good to ourselves and hold ourselves up when the pressure starts to creep in from all sides to do more and be more. Pretty soon we're walking around resenting the very people we say we're trying to help. I am trying to find the balance, but for right now I'm saying "enough!" I crave things to be simpler.

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#34274 - 03/30/03 04:36 PM Re: Burned-out already?
countrygirl51 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/05/03
Posts: 221
Loc: Clifton, Ks. USA
I know what you mean. Even without working outside the home, a person can burn out on social obligations, civic duties, and volunteerism in a quick hurry. Many people see a fulltime homemaker and think, "well, all she has to do is keep house and raise children." Then they start calling with "can you chair this committee, or will you help with this bazaar?"
Eventually, you will learn that it is ok to say no. Sometimes you can take a break from the extracurricular activities for a few months and find yourself missing them, and will be ready to start again with a fresh attitude and renewed energy. But don't feel guilty if you decide you really don't want to participate.
While I do believe that everyone should do what they can to help their community, when they can, I do understand having limits to energy, patience and money. Just take care of yourself, while you are taking care of the world.
I currently have only one organization that I am active in, other than church. I'm president of our local art club. At times, just that one job can seem very overwhelming, but at the present time, our membership is so low, that if I don't stay on as president, the club will probably die. We are down to 6 members, and there are only 2 of us that make every meeting, myself and the sec/treas. LOL..perhaps our club is already dead? But we aren't ready to give up on it yet...just trying to recruit new members.
Enjoy those children while you can. You never know when one will be lost, and they grow up so fast.

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#34275 - 03/31/03 10:07 PM Re: Burned-out already?
maylene Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 9
Loc: baltimore
Thanks, countrygirl, for your message. I have learned how to say "no" but I am still harboring a fair amount of guilt about doing so. I am gradually learning my limits and am working toward feeling okay about that. As far as enjoying my children...I enjoy them everyday! One thing I am aware of is how quickly it goes; I treasure my time with them. It's really a tightrope walk, this thing called life..balance is everything. Nice to know we are all in it together!

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#34276 - 03/31/03 10:09 PM Re: Burned-out already?
maylene Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 9
Loc: baltimore
Countrygirl, I meant to ask about your local art club. What does the club do? I'd love to know about it. Thanks.

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#34277 - 04/01/03 04:29 PM Re: Burned-out already?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
A little something I always try to remember when I say no to a volunteer project:

When I say no it gives another person an opportunity to say yes. This often allows others the opportunity to draw closer to the community in which I am involved. Isn't that what it is all about? More people involved? Somehow the work still gets done... by someone else. [Wink]

This is especially important at church. Typically it means that others are given the opportunity to get closer to church staff which is usually a good thing! [Wink]

A little crafty, but this is how I sometimes justify a no.

I think back to when my husband and I were youth advisors. Had someone before us said yes we may not be at the same place on our faith journey as we are now. Our youth work sparked our faith at the time.

I must admit that it isn't always easy to say no especially if you are a friend of the person asking...which is usually the case. Try to remember this thought and decide what the best answer is for you! [Big Grin]

I have been burned out before! [Roll Eyes]

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#34278 - 04/01/03 05:17 PM Re: Burned-out already?
Teri Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 38
Loc: Wisconsin
Just remember, if you exercise your "no" muscle it will get stronger and you will be able to use it more! [Big Grin] I always feel too that if you are stretched so thin with activities, they all suffer. I try to give my best to a few things. I also often say "no for now but I may consider doing this at another time".

Hope this helps!

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#34279 - 04/01/03 10:54 PM Re: Burned-out already?
maylene Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 9
Loc: baltimore
Teri,
You're right,"exercising that 'no' muscle" is a must. Also I think one of the things we can try to do for ourselves and other women is positively support those that flex that "muscle" with words and actions that convey that we respect their decision to say "no" and that they should do so without feeling guilty. So many times I have said "no" to a project that I know I don't have time to do, only to be reeled back in by someone who refuses to hear my words and, often times without knowing it, has guilted me into participating. That "muscle" really needs to be in good shape to resist finding yourself in the middle of too much too fast.

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#34280 - 04/11/03 03:48 PM Re: Burned-out already?
Kathryn Offline
Member

Registered: 11/20/02
Posts: 317
Loc: Towson
I know I've mentioned this in posts before, but my doctor diagnosed me with "Mother's disease". He said that was the cause of my stomach troubles and my anxiety disorder. Trust me, better to learn to say no sooner rather than later. Better to teach your children some self reliance earlier because once they get accostomed to you being their maid, it never changes. Learn from the mistakes of this overwhelmed mom....start as soon as possible....saying no, doing only the volunteer things you enjoy, see friends, have dates with your spouse.....be good to yourself and you'll be better all around.

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#34281 - 05/07/03 02:50 PM Re: Burned-out already?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Mother's disease...what a sickness! I believe it exists. We are the generation who tries to do it all. We think we can't ask for help when we really should. I know I am a culprit.

I think of the times friends offered to run the kids places and for whatever reason I thought I should do it because they were my kids, my responsibility. Also, probably because I was a stay at home mom so it was my job! [Roll Eyes]

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