This is the appropriate heading to post this in, I do believe.

I wrote this true story for a contest called “Unhappy Childhood.” I attempted to write it through the many tears that ran down my face as I recalled these times. Writing this story was supposed to be therapeutic but instead I think I need a therapist to help me unravel all that has happened (BTW- I laughed out loud instead of crying just then)


I was sad that I have such a story to enter into a contest like this. Sadder when it won a ribbon. Even sadder that since I wrote it (one of many) those memories are resurfacing and interrupting my sanity…sorta stealing my joy but suppressing them has done no good. They have to be released in one way or another I guess but my goodness how these hurt.

The explicit words used in this story are quotes demonstrative of the verbal, emotional and “you name it” kind of abuse endured.


http://mem.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/956902

Hi Sugar, I eagerly tried to get to your article but no success. In the web address, are there spaces between the words "view" and "item" and the words "item" and "id"? I'd like to take a look see at what you wrote. I am sad and sorry that you had to experience so much abuse. I had to resume therapy during the course of writing my book. The thing about suppressing bad memories is that you suppress the good too. A good way to release them is by writing and also by seeing a counselor. Let me know a better link, okay? Love and Light, Lynn

[ August 08, 2005, 01:35 AM: Message edited by: lynn329 ]

Lynn, the address took me straight to the story.
I copied and pasted the link into the forum. Did you try copy/paste?

Let me know and I'll send it to your email address if it doesn't work.

Thanks for the comfort of your words.

http://mem.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/956902

Here it is again though.

This is so sad. I'm glad you won the contest but sorry you had to go through so much crap to get there.

Oh honey. Your story just broke my heart. There are no words that I can write to make it better or make it all go away. I'm so, so sorry. We love you.

Sugar,
I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I'm praying that your heart and soul heals from this. May God bless you & comfort you, today - and every day.

Sugar. My heart goes out to you. You've uncovered some horrible, heartwrenching memories that need to be dealt with. Your suggestion for a therapist isn't a bad one. I'd consider it. There's nothing wrong with getting help. Please, do so. You'll be so much better for it. Be Strong.

Vicki, I'm going to get thru this. I've been working on it for a very, very long time. I will be one of those women you have posted...strong women...unforgettable.

The part that really slows me up most of the time is having to relive it while writing. I know this story has only described what I've been thru but soon I'd like to see a transition to the real meaning behind these horror stories. I want to share what I did to survive. It's hard to get to the survivor in me right now and that is so dissatifying because I want to be better right now.

Thanks all for the support here. Send the prayers to help me defeat this so that I can continue to move forward.

Ironically, all of those men have since died horrible deaths. I think that bothers me too since I can't get revenge. Well, revenge isn't mine to have anyway, huh?

My peace is here right now. I'm at work on break. Fortunately, I am working on a Catholic college campus for the next two or so weeks where there are many gentle souls walking around speaking and smiling and even talking and laughing with. God must have placed me here. Of course I have never shared any of this with them. Just being here around humble beings is good enough.
Have a blessed day to all,

Sheree

[ August 08, 2005, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

Hi Sheree, I am so sorry for what you have been put through. I hope you move through these memories and events with hope and peace. Love and Light, Lynn

Dear Sweet Sugar,

I have to tell you a little bit about this story of mine. I want you to know - really, really know - that God can give better revenge (He calls it justice) than we could ever dream up for our enemies.

When I was in the Air Force in my early 20's, I had a boss who really went out of his way to harrass me & make my life miserable. There was no justification for what this man did to me.

Shortly before I left the service, God allowed me to see what happened to this man. Believe me, he got what he deserved and then some. The fact that I was allowed to witness it is nothing short of a miracle.

We started out on opposite sides of the world and ended up in the same place at the same time. A huge place, where the odds of us even meeting were astronomical.

I managed to forgive that man and even pray for him - awful as he was to me - because it was just about like the Lord speaking in my ear, "See, you don't have to worry about those who persecute my children. I have ways of dealing with them that are far better than your ways."

And to this day, I find it much easier to 'let things go' and let God sort it out for me. I hope my little story can give you some peace. Your Friend Always -

Sugar every time I try to email you I get it back undeliverable...I have been trying for months even before I saw the info about the story. We were getting close and then you were gone something about computer trouble. Email me will you please and soooo happy your back. You are a survivor and never forget that....

Chatty, I get your email-especially the funny ones you send to sugaree@writing.com. My primary addy was infiltrated by the spammers. I got so sick of clearing hundreds of spam*$##mail before reading my relevant info that I just stopped opening it at all.

Thanks. I know that I'm a survivors! I have had the blessing of living to see that many don't make it to where I have that have been in my situation and even worse. Thank you God. I especially thank Him for placing loving people in my path that, regardless if they knew the details or not, were supportive of me. The final touches of His true Love are being met here in my mature life...the life where I need to pull what has happened into what can make the difference in someone else's life 'map.'

Throughout my life loving people were placed. I am mature enough to recognize the truth that it was Him now that I'm over my anger with Him for letting me endure and for not rescuing me during. Some are still here but many just came in my moment of need and then vanished. I have heard that I do the same but I want to really heal and do it for multitudes of 'us' similar to what Dianne and Lynn have been successful at doing.

Unique, thanks. I'm sure that must have been a trying time in your life. What I got from your experience when I compare it to my own is that 'I' was not the attraction of abuse. When I experienced similar hellraising experiences, my mind just associated them with, 'it must just be me that has deserved people comparible to my father and stepfathers.' You let me know another part of life. It wasn't just me.

Sheree

[ August 10, 2005, 02:53 AM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

No Sugar, it wasn't just you. I don't know why we go through the things we do, I just don't know. But I do know that we can be stronger for it - and able to help those among us that go through hard times too. Maybe they aren't as strong as we are, or maybe they don't know to cling to God for strength - in that way, our surviving can help them survive, too. (Maybe we would just be bored with a 'charmed' life and God knows that...) wishful thinking on my part?

Hi Sugaree,

New to this forum, but I can so relate to your childhood memories. In my case it was a uncle. Years and years... I kept it completely hidden. Then, in my 30's it could no longer be contained. Through therapy I learned to write everything I was feeling down, get it out. As it appears you have been doing.
Finally, was able to tell my mom....her first words were "don't tell your dad, he will kill him". Sounded good to me.
Dad had an extremely short fuse, very controlling, physcially abusive himself. My mom was the first to pass, so my secret remained untold, by promise to her.
Day it came out was right after my dad was buried, (same day in fact). One of my cousins had a little girl, he was sitting close telling his mom how my uncle had offered to watch his little girl afternoons. Well...that was it, all of it came out. Come to find out he had even abused his youngest sister (who still has trouble coping), his young daughter from his first marriage, and who knows who else.
Did write him a letter, just to pour out all the emotions I felt. He denied all of it. He died years later of cancer.
Just a few years ago I was able to forgive him. Forgave, so I might be forgiven.
Why does this happen? To make sure it doesn't happen to my children, grandchildren, great grand children or any child around me, (looking back I really didn't hide those emotions) sometimes I think it make us more aware of young children & their emotions.
That saying is so true....."Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".
You are safe now, and healing. My prayers are with you, & all the many others who have faced, or are now facing, abuse of any form. Lets all stand together, in knowledge, love, and prayer to rid the world of such hate.

Brenda

I am forever amazed at the number of people who were abused as children, especially those who were sexually abused.

The number of abused boomers must be astromonical. I wonder if the rate of abuse will be as great or greater in the generation.

It must be a terrible thing.
smile

smile, I have to agree. My eyes have been opened since beginning this project.

sugaree, Brenda, and unique, I pray that you are able to embrace the love in your lives and recognize it as the only thing that will overcome all the horrendous memories.I also hope you rid yourselves of the terrible memories and feelings that go right along with them. I know this is easy for me to say, but all they do is rob you of your joy and allow the men to continually disrupt your lives. May you be able to fill your minds with loving thoughts. I admire all of you for being able to carry on the way you have. I don't know how you've done it. May the Lord hold you in the palm of his hand and give you the perfect peace you deserve.