I found this anonymous quote in the National Association of women Writer's Newsletter this morning and loved it. Thought I'd share.

I'm putting it in this forum because just being outside helps my mental health.

"An hour outdoors can be worth ten in the therapist's office. Make the most of nature's blessings: fresh air, sunshine, trees, grass, the ocean. This time of year, the best things in life are free."

Yeah chatty, I was worrying aboaut you when you had the wasps on your porch. I thought you may never get outside again!

I have a big swing right outside my back door, across from my carport, and in the shade. Some days early, early, in the morning, or even sometimes when I get home from work, I'll take a cup of coffee and go and sit in the swing. I don't have an agenda. If it is early, I greet the sun, if it is evening, I kiss it goodnight.

You wouldn't believe the stress and/or problems that are left behind on that swing.

JJ

If my hammock could talk!

I have two decks in the backyard. One near the pool and one higher up the cliff with a table on it. It overlooks the woods and a creek. We eat there a lot.
Last week, we watched a bunch of bluejays diving at a tree. We got the binaculars and saw that they were after a hawk that had captured a rabbit. The hawk finally got away and flew with the rabbit in his claws to his nest in a big tree near the creek. I guess he was taking home dinner to his babies.
A deer comes to the deer lick I put near the creek and my grandsons love to catch turtles and lizards in the mud along the creek. We enjoy the creek almost as much as the pool and it is much less work.
It seems to be so energizing to be outside (Unless it's miserably hot or freezing cold that is).
smile

Working in the garden is therapy. Deadheading the flowers I leave a lot behind. Picking whatever my husband has planted takes a while and yes the wildlife there is wonderful. I do think two birds were chewing me out for picking their strawberries. I told them there would be plenty left for them and there was.
Must head out there soon. Didn't get to the raspberries yesterday.
Maggie

I used to like pottering in the garden but these days it is just another CHORE - and we are in drought with water restrictions and can't water the garden anyway. It is a dust bowl and we need to have some tree lopping and other major maintenance done. Like everything else it just seems to weigh on me at present. But I did pot up some geraniums yesterday so maybe I can manage to keep them alive in pots?

(If this mood persists I'm going to change my login name to Eyore)

Julie, the mood will change. Not to worry. Nothing ever stays the same. Thank God.

Please find some time to do a few things for yourself. I wish I lived closer. We could walk the beach and talk about all the books we've read.

My wishes for you:

-take a walk all alone

-soak in a hot bath with bubbles and then lather yourself with lotions and potions

-read a funny book

-watch a funny show

-read scripture

-meditate and pray

-call a friend

Give yourself the break you need. We boomer women are cheering for you to tend to yourself.

Dots I'm working through your list (although it will take some time!) and feeling better already.

If you get an overseas phone call...don't be surprised...

Hi friends:
Enjoying the outdoors is just so relaxing! Thank God for nature and fresh air, and gardens...! I just love to look at the sunset, or just follow a butterfly in the garden... It does the soul such good! For me its just a great blessing to spend some time outdoors!

This is so interesting. I had dinner with my "church ladies" the other night. Some of them are involved with our Bible Camp that's going on this week.

Our church owns a couple hundred acres in the country so every year we take the kids outside for Bee Tree Bible Days. They spend days in the fresh air. It's a lovely setting. There are pavilions, open fields, streams for walking, and trails to hike.

It's always a very spiritual week for the kids and adults.

My friend commented that she belives it's the outdoors that moves everyone. It's such a rarity for the kids to be outside today. WE decided it wouldn't have nearly as much meaning if we did it in the church building.

Get outside, feel the fresh air, see God's creation, and give thanks. It's rejuvinating for the body, mind, and spirit.

You know Dots, that is so true. Sometimes when I get so bogged down that I'm overwhelmed, I go outside because I know that smelling the air, feeling the OUTSIDENESS (yes, I know this is not a word) just has a way of splitting the inside woes in half. I usually just dabble, but it is therapy...amen to that.

Julie, when my children were small, I somehow would manage to find the time to lock myself in the bathroom, fill up the tub with really hot water, take a glass of wine or a cup of hot chocolate (depending on time of year and mood) and just lay in the soothing water and think...sometimes I would take a tape recorder and record my thoughts, other times I would just say prayers out loud and have a good old heart-to-heart with God, jawjaw style, and then sometimes I would just play classical music and listen and try and pick out a particular instrument and follow it, like a flute...okay, so you didn't know the Queen here likes classical eh? some of it...anyhooo...the point I'm trying to make it that the TIME was TOTALLY mine even though it may have only been 30 minutes or so, it was MINE...that help me to not loose ME. Make sure you don't loose the ME...

I am trying really hard to be outside or go to the tanning salon. I am very depressed right now, and wonder when things will start to feel normal again?

Sherri

Sherri hon..give yourself some breathing room and allow your emotions to just be. Don't deny them like I did. I was under the impression that if I actually let all the tears out that I had been holding back since Daddy died, then it would be like saying goodbye and that would be the end of it. It was almost like I would be breaking my last tie with him and his memory if I cried. But cry I did, feel all the pain I did, and BE DEPRESSED I was...and you know what? Besides all of this terrible English I am writing here, I need you to know that I did start feeling better and the depression started seeping away...just a tad at a time, but at least...at least I could tell I was sensing some "normal" in my emotions...so go ahead, feel what you want to feel, but keep the outsides and the tanning things a part of your everyday life...your Daddy would want that, would he not?

Hugs, JJ

Sheri, I agree with JJ. I have written this before, but it so greatly impressed me that I must remember it over and over. Sigmund Freud said that it is not emotions themselves that cause us pain, but our fight against them.
I have certainly found that to be true.
Sometimes tears are deep within us and not yet ready to come, but when they do, they cleanse our spirit and strenthen us anew.
It is not wrong to hurt and the pain will be over in its own time. Allowing the times of sorrow to draw us closer to God is all that we can do.
smile

[ July 01, 2004, 03:40 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Dear Jaw Jaw, it's so glad to hear you sounding like yourself again. Sherri, it will take time but you will too. Promise.

JJ you hit the nail on the head - I'm looking for some quality ME time but maybe it is the mental space I need, to re-establish WHO that is? As a mother of a 18 yr old and a 3 yr old, I feel like neither fish nor fowl, just de-categorised and disconnected. I don't belong in the "Young Mums" (what a derogatory depersonalising term that is anyway, as if that is all they are) and all my own age group are doing the mid-life stuff with the smell of freedom in their nostrils.

Ahhh...but Julie my dear friend...are you the lucky one? You get to experience both perspectives! The "Young Mums" as you put it, and the boomer's.

We, on the other hand, only get to talk about our menopauseness...

So see? You are already one up! So enjoy both sides, but keep Julie in the middle, and declare that 1 hour on Thursday night (for instance) THE JULIE HOUR and whoa be unto anyone who intrudes on that sacred hour...capice?

Hugs, JJ

Julie, I know you're a faithful woman and I wonder if you've talked to the big guy upstairs about your feeling of being neither here nor there. I know You are not in this position by any accident of His. Please try to embrace your uniqueness.

Lynn may be able to shed some light on this because she has an older step child and a 5 year old. Lynn, where are you?

I remember a time when I was so wrapped up in being a mom that when I was frustated and needed to get away for a couple hours, I didn't even know myself well enough to figure out where I could go that would meet my needs. How's that for needing some "ME" time?

All of life is a stage, and this too shall pass.

Meantime, wrap those loving arms around yourself and share a hug from us.

This is but an ironic topic here. Just today at the hospital during the long delivery of my sister's child, the trio of us privied to be at her side were asked to leave for a few. One third is this trio was a 15yr old pregnant young lady. The other, dear hubby.

Well, this young lady is very depressed about her condition, with good cause since she has no money and very limited education. The way she'd been tending to these sad feelings were to stay locked up in her room. She wanted to go into the lobby to wait. I insisted that we went outdoors. Of course she didn't understand my persistance, but once we were out, I explained the medicinal benefits of 'outdoors.'

As basic as I could get with her (a few other consderations too) I explained the sun. I explained that it helps her body absorb the nutrients her body needs to sustain. I explained the her need for fresh oxygen...and so forth.

As I explained this to her, I realized that I don't get enough of the same myself. I sat out today and sure enough, I left a few problems right there at my patio table.

Sugaree

Sugaree, congrats on being an aunt. I have a 3 month old grand-nephew and adore him. It's been so long since we've had a baby in the family and his precious ways remind me of all that innocence and sweetness.

The mother in me wants to know if there's someone who can take this 15 year old mother under their wing?

We (me, hubby, and our little poppet) spent yesterday outside in the wonderful winter sunshine
tramping all over the zoo (her first visit!) Our zoo is on the harbour front and the views are to die for. We all had a great time. Then we went home to dinner cooked by our sons. I'd say it was the best of both worlds Mind you, we were both so tired we could barely move last night!

Julie,
That sounds like a magical day...one of those you couldn't duplicate if you tried. Good for you both I say! And congrats once again. How nice too that your sons cooked the dinner. What good children you have there kiddo. And too tired last night? uh huh...tell that one to the Marines girl, we ain't buying it here...hhahahah

Hugs,

JJ

Jaw Jaw

Just have to point out that here it is already Monday morning! Last night was Sunday - the day AFTER our anniversary dinner.

oh yeah...I knew that.......did too!

Hey, it's winter there Julie? (and for all you teachers in here, yes, it's a dumb question, so sue me)

JJ

Great and truthful point! I've noticed the times when I'm outside and then come back home, I feel so refreshed and renewed.

Absolutely the way to go!

Ladies: the reason why a time outdoor is so beneficial is that nature brings us back to our Creator. It helps us connect with him. And, of course, offers us many other benefits such as the many described before by all of you! God is great.

Nature is God's second book. Through it we can learn and understand more of his character. Remember the many times Jesus taught lessons through examples in nature?

So let's enjoy as much as possible the great oudoors and take advantage of the many benefits it provides us emotionally, physically and spiritually!( Now, that goes for you too, Songbird! You NEED to get out more!)

Sheri,
I don't know how long since your loss, but I do know that after I lost my dad, the first months were a terrible blur of grief. I was constantly picking up the phone to call dad w/ some news of the kids. My heart would break all over again when I realized that he wouldn't pick up the phone. So I grabbed a new marble notebook and a good pen, went out back and sat in the yard and began my Dear Daddy Journal. Everytime something happened that i wanted him to know or I missed him or needed advice, I'd write him a letter. Between the fresh air and the "conversation" w/ dad, I always felt a little better. God bless you and give you his peace.

Being outside is wonderful for most people, but what about those of us who have a phobia of being outside?

I have social anxiety disorder and find it very difficult to go out in general. Along with a general anxiety disorder where around every corner is something ominous and scary.

I go through phases where I can enjoy my backyard at times..and at other times, not. Right now it's the NOT phase.. I prefer not to leave the house, not to go outside, and not be with people.

Vickie,

I can relate to you on this; there are times when being outside doesn't bother me at all and there are times when it takes a great deal of will power to go out. (When I do go out, it helps--the sunshine and being outside is uplifting.)

I don't know about you but if I don't inwardly think too much about it before going out, it goes better. What helps me when my nerves act up, is to have a plan--a goal--before I even think about going out and doing things.

Sometimes I make up a small list of what I want to accomplish or people I have to deal with. I do this the day before. Getting it on paper helps me to put it away for the night and then I know in the morning exactly what I want to do.

When I do this, my plans for the next day usually go pretty good. I make allowances in my mind (and on paper) for some things to not go as planned. Making these allowances for diversions makes it go better.

Would this kind of plan help you?

Toni, that kinda helps, yeah. I've learned to schedule appts and errands in the morning. I'm better then. I get up, get ready and go, and sometimes I'm out and busy before I even realize it.

However, if I have an appt in the afternoon, I'll think of a hundred excuses why I don't need to go before I have to leave.

I like making lists, so making a list of what I need to accomplish during my errands would work. I like to schedule them all on the same day. I figure since I'm out, I better make the most of it.

Vickie,

I'm so glad this helped. Like you, I'm a list maker and it really does help to make a list of what needs to be done.

I'm also like you in that I'm a morning person and like to get all my errands done at that time. If I can't, I make up another list for what needs to be done in the afternoon, and the people and events that await me. (Again, I try and make allowances for 'turn of events' and this really helps.)

Sometimes I even write down things to say when confronted with a difficult or new situation. This gives me confidence and 'boldness' when dealing with difficult or confrontational people. Really helps!

Somehow, putting it on paper releases emotions, problems and concerns and then the mind is able to relax. Relaxing and releasing thoughts makes the following day go much better.

I'm so glad that I was of help.....

Some time ago, during therapy in trying to deal with some childhood issues and a few issues that took place in my adult life that triggered those childhood memories, I was totally afraid to go outside. I would actually have panic attack upon my feet hitting the first stair toward leaving my safe haven.

Soon, my children and friend and siblings carted everything that I needed in to me. Thank and praise God, my fears were lifted and I was finally able to leave. My doctor named/labeled this as agoraphobia. To date, I still do most of what I need to do inside. If/when people want to see me, they almost already know that it will be here.

What I do is make sure that their experience is extremely comfy so that they wont be so fast to say, "It's your turn to visit me next time."

I still have my days that even sitting on the patio is hard. But, I still reach many from here.

Once a person I'd known for about three years saw me outdoors. He stopped talking mid-sentence and then said, "You're outdoors!" He hugged me. We laughed and stayed out just a wee-bit longer. My children are always surprised. They watch me as though I'm a stranger when I do leave.

If I'm not home when my daughter comes home from school, she gets worried. When she finds that I am ok, she is very happy that I left.

I guess, for those that have heard my single plights, Mr. Right wont find me in here. Funny though, when I do go out, I always meet someone new.

I think that therapy kinda messed me up. We discovered that some of the experiences I was feeling that led me home and afraid were triggers. For instance, during the summer months, many businesses tar/repave their parking lots. There were some very traumatic things happening in my life as a child while a company was tarring the school I went to. My olfactory association to this always made me sick. Now that I know what was making me react so negatively, I avoid it.

The unfortunate part about that is that I miss the sun and many of the other months here in WI are cold.

Hmmm, time to move to a country setting where there is no need for pavement, right? LOL. I wish.

Vicki, I absolutely love your site! It is so wealthy with information.

Sugaree

thanks, Sugaree, and thank you for posting about your agoraphobia experiences.

I'm glad you visited my site and found it full of information you can use. I like to hear back from people who find it helpful.

Peace.

Vickie,

Just checked out your site and it's great! Very attractive with a lot of information...

You have so many accomplishments in which to be proud of..

I agree that an hour in the outdoors is worth ten in a therapist's office--and I'm a therapist myself. I got a great email from a young friend this morning. Lisa Braner, who just moved to Germany this year with her family (and author of The Mother's Book of Well-Being--wish I'd had it as a young mother) wrote: "The sky is wide above me, and seems to listen to what is in my heart."

The air is so thick here in midsummer Georgia that we can hardly get outside. Maybe that's why I'm needed around here?

Hi Daphne. Welcome.

Ladies, please check out Daphne's site. I met her through this site. She's asked me to review her book. You can learn about it by clicking on the link in her signature. I think you'll like what you see.

Can you imagine how many therapists are needed in Alaska when it's dark all day and night?

I checked out Daphne's site. We have an expert among us!! Very nice site. Easy to use.

Welcome, Daphne - I hope you stick around and post often.

What is your opinion for those of us who have a social anxiety disorder and can't seem to make it outside?

Thanks for the site Daphne, I am interested in anything that will bring me relief from stress and panic attacks. I am seeing a therapist and on medication but can't seem to shake this. Probably due to all the stress I have been under in the last 2 months. That list is endless!

Vicki, what aroma do I need for peace and tranquility? Daphne I will be signing up for your newsletter. I think I need all thehelp that I can get.

Sherri

Sherri, try Lavender for relaxation therapy. Put a fewdrops into your bath and spray some oil on a light bulb in whichever room you're in the most....sure helped me lately when my sight was faltering.

Sounds good Charleen, I will p;ick some up. Thanks for the tip.

Sherri

Sherri, Lavender is a good oil to start with. It will help you sleep. But, if you use it too much during the day, it won't help you at night.

Another oil you can try is Geranium, it's great for the nervous system. Very relaxing and pleasant.

Chamomile works too. If you're looking for something to wear, you can try Jasmine or Rose.

Daphne, it is great to have someone with your expertise amomgst us. You do have a great site, full of much needed info.

Sugaree

You ladies are so welcoming! I appreciate the feedback on my post and my web site. Vicki and Sheri, some thoughts about your questions:

1. Stress is best managed by the wisdom you've probably heard elsewhere, but it's worth repeating. Get plenty of exercise--aerobics like walking or swimming, and stretching like yoga and Pilates-- but don't forget resistance training either. Weight training does wonders for increasing the body's capacity to relax (not to mention combatting osteoporosis). Watch nutrition. Minimize the consumption of sugar and alcohol, since both affect blood sugar, which can wreak havoc with your moods. Emphasize plenty of fruits and vegetables and complex carbs. Getting out in the sunshine every day (an hour or so is ideal), since exposing the eyes to natural sunlight helps with the conversion of melotonin to serotonin--the "feel-good" chemical in the brain--and encourages good sleep. I agree that boosts like aromatherapy can be helpful--lavendar is relaxing, and rose lifts mood--and I also agree that you don't want to expose yourself to too much of each, since the olfactory system tends to get desensitized--it's best to switch to different scents. I also recommend things like massage therapy, which helps in a myriad of ways. A good acupuncturist or energy healer can make a big difference. And the judicious use of medication can be very helpful. Just make sure you find a doctor with whom you can be a real partner in decreasing your stress and optimizing your health--stay away from "rubber stamp treatments" that may not be geared to your particular needs. And it goes without saying, but Dotsie's "friends heal friends" motto is critical. Being able to laugh and cry with people you trust, to vent your emotions, and to gain some perspective, can make the difference in being chronically stress-plagued and seeing periods of as a signal that you need to focus more on self-care, rest, and exercise.

Just some basic ideas. As to the question about social anxiety, it helps to practice getting out for small periods of time. Try to avoid seeing any outing--a trip to the grocery or a party or church--as a "test" of your wellness. Try to see it instead of an opportunity to practice being out among people for a period of time you can tolerate. Social anxiety can indicate several things: A brain chemistry imbalance that needs to be addressed medically. A problem with your energy system, addressed by an energy psychologist or healer. An unhealed trauma or a loss or grief that is asking for your attention. Or it can indicate simply a new phase of life--and midlife is filled with changes, as we all know.

This is what I've learned from both personal and professional experience: Self-judgment is the primary enemy of wellness, both in stress management and in social anxiety (and, for that matter, in a lot of other mental health challenges. .) It helps sometimes to simply notice the self-judgmental thoughts we are feeling. Know that those anxiety-demons tell us lies about ourselves. They're implanted in our psyches by the culture, and sometimes by our families. Every symptom is really a signal from the psyche that we are ready to become a little more whole. . .

Thanks for asking--hope this helps.
Daphne
www.daphnestevens.com

thanks for your wonderful insight, Daphne. You make some great points. I think it's awesome that you mentioned energy healing, as I'm a Reiki Master and Healing Shaman. I provide energy healings both in person and from a distance.

As for the SAD, I am being treated chemically for it, along with a myriad of other MI, and it is working. Making a trip outside the house is still a major production for me, but I do get out. It's just easier to find excuses not to go, until it's necessary, like grocery shopping.

You're a great asset to BWS. I hope you post more.

Peace.

Thanks Daphne for your insight. I am right now on stress leave and my medication has been doubled and then doubled again. Each Dr that I have seen or counselor says, "You really have a lot on your plate!" I know that! I have to know how to get rid of it. Panic attacks, that leads to depression. I saw a therapist, and had an appointment for the following week at the same time. I went, after having a bad panic attack at work and was sent home, and I wasn't in the computer. I couldn't get in!

I called employee assistance and they set me up with a counselor, I went to her last night, didn't connect with her at all, except that she says "You have a lot on your plate" and "I know how you feel with panic attacks. Handed me some literature and then said she would be gone for 12 days. So I called the original therapist, and I am seeing her tomorrow. I am on at least 2 weeks of stress rest from work. At least she told me to write and pray, the one last night just said, I can tell you I went through a couple of years of hell with panic attacks too.

She also said, your mind and emotions have reached the boiling point and you need help before it starts affecting your BP and kick up your heart arrythmia again. Not like I didn't realize that!!

My Dr is wonderful, he said he would be praying for me and urged me to find a church home. I have not attended regularily for some years. Long story about that! So, anyway that is where I am at. My session did me no good laset night and I am hoping for more tomorrow. The Dr will review in 2 weeks if I am balanced out enough to resume working. He will be speaking to my therapist and I have an appt again for next Friday with him.

I am so sorry for rambling on, but really feel that I have no one to talk to. My husband, as much as I love him, does not understand. He is also worried that I will lose my job again. I don't know about that either, and that does tend to increase stress and tension between us.

So friends, think of me please and say a little prayer that I will be able to have the time off to get the help that I need and give my medication time to kick in.

Thanks for listening.

Sherri

Vicki, it's wonderful that you do energy healing. And my experience (for myself as well as my clients) is that healing shows up through whatever channel God wants to send it. One thing I love about this time of life is that I've let go of the need to be attached to one idea about healing. God is infinitely creative and gracious in the ways He provides healing, and we can grow more and more open in our capacity to accept it in all its manifestations. . .I also agree with Sherri, that finding the right therapist is an alchemical process: We have to find one who is respectful of us, and able to be caring while offering expertise. And I love the expression "stress rest." I've been knocked down this week with a tooth-ache. After months of driving too hard and trying to keep up with my practice while finishing my book, I've been a little ragged around the edges. While facing a root canal isn't my idea of psychotherapy, I'll be spending tomorrow and possibly the next day waiting for the endodontist to work me in. I'm in too much pain to see clients, and taking enough pain meds to ease it makes me sleepy. So I'll be gorked out, waiting by the phone--a kind of tooth-impost stress rest. .

aww, glad it struck home when you needed to hear it.

It reminds me of reading the Bible. Though I know I've read the same verse in the past, certain days a verse SPEAKS to me like I've never heard it before.