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#32852 - 06/01/04 11:37 PM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Maggie, I guess loneliness is universal. Big city, little town, it probably doesn't matter. I think some of it is natural and maybe even a good thing, but somehow it seems to be turning pathological lately.
I think creating things together really helps alleviatte the pain for everyone. For that reason, a craft group would probably be extremely beneficial for a lot of people.
When I have been lonely, I have reached out to my writing group and I think it has been good for all of us. All of the writers are older than I and one who was much published died recently at the age of 93. He was my hero. He wrote up until the moment of death and published some work we helped him with just before he died.
I too seem to attract people who need to talk. I meet people on the street and astound my family and friends with what I learn about them in a fifteen minute conversation. People just confide in me. Probably because I listen. I love hearing everyone's story. I learn from them.
smile

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#32853 - 06/01/04 11:44 PM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
This subject fascinates me so I did some research that opened my eyes to the truth of what this situation really means, bear with me:

LONE
abandoned, alone, deserted, forsaken, isolated, lonely, lonesome, one, oneliest, particular, secluded, separate, separated, single, singular, sole, solitary, solo, stag, unaccompanied, unique. [Frown]

LONELY
feeling friendless, forlorn, alone, apart, comfortless, companionless, deserted, desolate, destitute, disconsolate, down, empty, estranges, forsaken, godforsaken, homeless, isolated, left, outcast reclusive, rejected, renounced, secluded, troglodytic, unattended, unbefriended, uncherished, unsocial, withdrawn. [Embarrassed]

LONESOME
forlorn, friendless, alone, cheerless, companionless, deserted, desolate, dreary, gloomy, homesick, isolated, lone, lonely, solitary. [Mad]

God Lord almighty have you ever read anything sadder than this. Such a little word that demonstrates such desolation of the mind, body, heart and soul...

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#32854 - 06/02/04 12:01 AM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Chatty,
You are so smart to post those definitions on here. Before I posted this subject, I looked up that stuff up too. Isn't it amazing that loneliness has not been openly addressed by the medical community except recently when they seem to be calling it 'social phobia' and prescribing pills.
I am so drawn to lonely people. When we go out to eat, I smile and talk to people who look lonely. In stores, I tell little old ladies they look pretty and flirt with old men.
I just love to see their posture change and their eyes light up. I have a lot of older friends who are widows. I would love to fill the void in their lives, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I listen and that's about all I can do.
I wonder if there is a solution. Or if there should be. Maybe, like with other emotions, if we stopped fighting, the pain of loneliness would be eased. ??
smile

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#32855 - 06/02/04 08:06 PM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I love this topic. Wouldn't it be cool if doctors would prescribe activities like, joining a church, a social club, a quilting club, a travel club, etc.? Anything that would put people who are alone with others would be beneficial.

I'm a people person so this makes sense to me.

However, I do have a tendency to want for others what they don't even want for themselves. [Eek!]

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#32856 - 06/02/04 08:49 PM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
You know Dotsie, doctors do prescribe all kinds of beneficial lifestyle changes and almost no one follows through. It would probably be the same with loneliness.
Also, loneliness seems to be complicated by shame. Being ashamed of being lonely seems to be a problem of society and it seems to keep lonely people from reaching out. Maybe they can't. Maybe someone has to reach out to them and maybe more people would reach out if they understood loneliness better. Knowledge calms fears and can help us cope with difficult situations.
Maybe the first step to easing what appears to be an epidemic of loneliness in this country would be some sort of education project where people would learn about loneliness and become more skillful in helping others.

I have no solutions to loneliness though. Seems like we need more data. We seem to be at the first step of the scientific problem solving process. We're "recognizing a problem."
As we gather more information, a solution may be discovered and we can take the next steps to implementation, evaluation, and re-planing.
I heard a story on Oprah yesterday about a lonely child who committed suicide at the age of twelve. Didn't watch the whole thing, but it terrified me.
There must be a solution.
janis

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#32857 - 06/02/04 09:56 PM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
I thought everyone might like to know why I put 'loneliness' on here a while back as a topic. This is what started me thinking about it.

A couple of years ago after not working as a nurse for a very long time I was recruited to a short term job relieving a friend who is Director of Nurses at a nursing home.
I was half afraid to do it because my nursing skills are very rusty. But my friend assured me that all they needed was someone with a nursing license and that my knowledge of nursing theory would compensate for my rusty skills.
I was alone a lot at that time had been searching for something worthwhile to do so I took the job for a couple of months while my friend took some much needed time off.
Every day as I drove to the nursing home I was terrified that I would do something wrong. In the car on the way to work, I prayed that I would not do any thing to hurt anyone then I prayed that I be a blessing to someone that day.
The facility was nice, but I have never seen such profound loneliness. I'm pretty sure it's the reason people don't want to be there or even work there. People seemed to sit around all day just waiting to die.
I fell in love with the patients. I tried to give each one special attention, especially the difficult ones whose family never visited, but the work was very demanding and there was just not enough time to listen. I tried to smile a lot and listen when I could.
The moment I entered the building, the patients would gather around all talking at once trying to get my attention. They seemed to be so desperate to be heard and they wanted to be touched. I tried to take each one's hand, but even that was interrupted by the demands of the job.
Eating was about the only thing they had to look forward to. There was a total of eighty patients and they waited in groups of forty in front of my desk for an hour for dinner. That was the time allotted for charting, but the patients seemed so lonely. They just stared off into space waiting.
One day, one of the patients told me it was her birthday so I tried to get everyone to sing Happy Birthday to her. When no one would sing, I sang alone. I sing pretty badly, but I sang loudly. At first no one joined in, but eventually I talked a couple of patients into singing with me and I praised them so highly that a couple of others decided to sing too.
I sang directly into the ears of patients who couldn't hear and soon more of them wanted to sing along so we sang the Birthday song, which was the only one everybody knew, again and again. We wound up singing Happy Birthday for almost an hour.
The next day when I came into the facility, the patients immediately began asking me if we were going to sing again. They all said they had not been sung the birthday song on their birthday so when they were all gathered around my desk, we sang Happy Birthday to every one of them and anyone else we could find.
Within a week or so almost all those who could speak were singing Happy Birthday and we began to expand into a few familiar choruses. They greeted me at the door with song requests and we sang anything anyone could remember. I began to sing directly into the ears of the patients who were paralyzed, even those who were confined to stretchers and couldn't talk.
The more I sang to them, the more they tried to join in and after a while, even some of the ones who couldn’t move their bodies or talk began to sing. I was amazed. Their voices were weak and their words were garbled, but they were singing.
I got some discarded hymnals from a church and I began to lead them in singing the old hymns. We sang a whold medley of patriotic songs on the Fourth of July and Happy Birthday every day. We sang it to anyone who didn’t object. I told them that anyone who let us sing Happy Birthday to them when it was not their birthday, got to take a year off their age.
They sang Happy Birthday to me so many times that pretty soon, in more ways than one, I was practically a child.
One day one of the patients wanted me to tell a joke so I began telling jokes and a few of them told some jokes. I began to look for jokes online and would yell them into the ears of the half deaf patients. Many couldn't hear well enough to get the punch lines and most just laughed out of politeness, but they laughed.
The staff who had teased me about singing with the patients began to sing along with us and when the jokes started, they began to ‘gong’ me when I told a bad one. Pretty soon the patients were gonging me too and then they began gonging each other and even themselves. Everyone was laughing and singing so much they didn‘t want to go to dinner and would try to stay around with the next group so I made a rule that they had to eat in order to sing.
We sang for an hour every day and it meant I had to work over time to finish my charting, but the singing and the laughter really energized me.
I began to look forward to going to the facility, but still every day on my way to work I prayed that I not harm anyone and I als prayed that I be a blessing to someone that day.
Pretty soon, I noticed myself singing on the way home and I realized that it was me who had been blessed.

About the time the Director of Nurses returned to work my father became ill and I had to leave, but I still visit the nursing home occasionally and I sing with them if I can. I still sing terribly, but they don’t seem to mind and it is still a great blessings to me just to be there.
smile

[ June 02, 2004, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#32858 - 06/03/04 03:41 AM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Excuse the long post. I wrote that a while back and I guess it was longer than I realized. Sorry.
smile

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#32859 - 06/04/04 07:19 AM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
You are such a loving, giving, warm woman. Your story moved me to tears.

We should plaster the story on all the entrance halls to retirement communities, hospitals and nursing homes.

Smile, have you had that published in any magazines for the elderly? What a ministry. Your article alone could change so many lives.

We need to get you to submit your work again. No pressure girlfriend, but you have too much to offer to hide it under a bushel. You gotta let it shine! [Big Grin]

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#32860 - 06/04/04 05:21 AM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Smole, I did watch the whole Oprah show and the boys mother was on. Shes waiting to be sentenced for his suicide, they figure she'll get 10 years.
With this poor and might I say, adorable little 11 year old boy, everyone missed the sighs, too busy to pay attention. Finally feeling totally alone and afraid, he took his own life. The signs were there and I believe his mother was a negligent parent. You have to hear the whole story, she let him down as a parent and the school (jackass's that they are) ignored the problems he was having and chose to ignore them. [Mad]

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#32861 - 06/04/04 05:22 AM Re: "Loneliness" the essay
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Sorry SMILE my mistake. I just wanted to reach out and hug this child, he needed love so badly.

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