Site Links










Top Posters
Dotsie 23647
chatty lady 20267
jawjaw 12025
jabber 10032
Dianne 6123
Latest Photos
car
Useable gifts!
Winter wonderland/fantasy for real
The Soap lady meets the Senator
baby chicks
Angel
Quilted Christmas Stocking
Latest Quilt
Shelter from the storm
A new life
Who's Online
0 Registered (), 170 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
3239 Members
63 Forums
16332 Topics
210704 Posts

Max Online: 409 @ 01/17/20 03:33 AM
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#32748 - 03/02/04 11:22 PM A Trickle of Help
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hey, Ladies! Help is trickling into my life like a slow Chinese water torture. I had hooked up with a psychiatrist in January, and last week I finally got to see a psychologist for psychotherapy as well. They are both great women, gentle and caring. The psych thinks she can hook me up with a social worker so that we can maybe expedite some benefits... so that I don't have to live in this crappy situation forever.

Meanwhile, the roller coaster continues at home. Money troubles all over the place, and short tempers, including mine. But our neighbors downstairs, my friends, generously helped me by sharing a word processing program when my computer died, and now I will be able to get back on my feet as far as writing is concerned. That's a relief!

But creepily... I can't cry on Celexa. My cat died a horrible, lingering death, and I need to cry for her, but I can't. I can cry a little bit, sometimes, but normal grief is just beyond my reach. That cat was my soul mate... I had to give her away because the landlord was going to throw us out for having animals... I gave her away to someone who loved her very much, but then she encountered a dog... the person tried to nurse her back to health, but poor Precious died a day or so later. My friend buried her in the yard next to some flowers... I hope that my poor little one is with me in spirit. I love her and I miss her terribly. I can feel blue about it, but I can't weep for her. It feels strange.

I suppose it's OK because I'm fragile right now, and I don't need any more pain... but somehow it doesn't feel right not to mourn for such a dear, sweet friend. Such a beautiful little soul.

Well, that's me in a nutshell, at least as much of me as will fit in a nutshell.

Love,
Lil

Top
#32749 - 03/03/04 07:09 PM Re: A Trickle of Help
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lil, it's great to *hear* your voice again. Glad there's tricles of hope. [Big Grin]

Is this a new neighbor that's helping you with the computer? If so, you make friends quickly!

Sorry to hear about your cat. And the no tears thing is probably fine for now. Perhaps after you're on the medication for a bit longer, the tears will flow again. Not sure about that.

For now, give thanks...and keep smiling like you are in the photo album.

Top
#32750 - 03/05/04 08:52 AM Re: A Trickle of Help
Toni Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 504
Loc: Pennsylvania
Lil,

I can empathize with you on this issue. My husband and I had to put our beautiful collie, Lady to sleep because we could find no other way. We tried to find her a home, but couldn't. I cried buckets but I can understand why you're having a hard time--you are protecting yourself from pain because you've had too much.

Try and let your emotions come forth--don't push or pressure it, just let "everything be" and put this grief in the Lord's hands. He will comfort and you and give you His wonderful peace.

God Bless..

Top
#32751 - 03/22/04 05:26 PM Re: A Trickle of Help
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hey, Ladies! Thanks, my dears! I was able to cry a little bit here and there, but you're right, I've shed way too many tears already, and I need to act on my own behalf without emotion so that I can at least survive. Otherwise, I think I might have done myself in if I weren't on the medication when my cat died.

Ironically, we still have a cat in the house, although technically she isn't mine. One of the 4 kittens that the momma cat delivered, they decided to keep because they just fell in love with her. I still do almost all the caring for the kitten, feeding and cleaning the box, plus trying to bathe the fleas off her and putting a flea collar on her. And in spite of the fact that I gave her a bath, Simba sleeps with me most of the time. In fact, she curls up in my spot on my bed when I'm not there. Well, I've always wanted a ginger tabby, and I sort of have one. I'd rather have my sweet little Precious back, but that's impossible now.

Paraphrasing the old song: "If you can't be with the cat you love, Honey, love the cat you're with."

Simba's soulful looks aren't quite the same as the ones Precious used to give me, nor even as deep as the ones the momma cat used to give me... but they ARE soulful looks, and somehow I believe Simba and I understand each other on a deep level. Thank God for animals.

On another note... a friend sent me $500! So I can pay for my medicine now, and for a few odds and ends. I have my own bank account now, which Xhubby and roommate told me I needed to do anyway... and ironically, even though I don't have any other $$ coming in yet, I have a whole lot more than the lovers do. In fact, Raul is jealous of the fact that I have some and he doesn't. They should consider partying less and concentrating on bills more! In fact, when he confronted me, wanting me to give him some $$, I asked him why they were spending so much money on parties and barbecues when they were so short on funds. He said he didn't know, but dismissed the idea that they should change their economic strategy.

I made the mistake of paying the light bill last December. They spent hundreds of $$ on Xmas and New Year's parties -- most of the food went to waste, and then the lights were about to be shut off. So I paid the light bill, and they were still bitching about not having enough money to do what they wanted to do.

HAH! and I'm the one on Celexa. Hey, I may be suicidal and hear voices and see bats flying around a lot of the time, but am I really the one who is crazy? At least I can balance my checkbook, do my own taxes, and make ends meet.

And I can ALWAYS find my keys and my hairbrush... unless someone else has borrowed them.

I can tell when my blood sugar is too low, and I do something about it. I can tell when I'm having a manic episode, and calm myself down or at least keep to myself until I mellow out. I can deal with the sight of blood, I can drink till I feel good and then stop, and I can live with very, very modest means. I get the job done, and I try not to bitch about it. In stark contrast to my roommates....

Am I crazy? They seem to think I am. Oh, well. Here's a toast to my kind of craziness. Long may it reign.

Bright Blessings,
Lil [Cool]

Top
#32752 - 03/22/04 05:57 PM Re: A Trickle of Help
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Lil, you don't even sound like the same person. With a lot of prayer and perseverence, it looks like this change may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Keep smiling.
smile

Top
#32753 - 03/22/04 10:50 PM Re: A Trickle of Help
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lil, so great to hear from you again.

You mentioned hearing voices, and have shared in the past that you thought you could be bipolar. Have you checked out www.bipolarhappens.com

Julie Fast has now written and published 2 books about being bipolar. You may be able to find some solace in her newsletters. [Wink] Just a thought.

Looking forward to having you hang out with us again! [Big Grin]

Top
#32754 - 03/23/04 06:40 AM Re: A Trickle of Help
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
LillianOwl. I only know about you what you've shared and I've read BUT it sounds to me like you'd be much better off without those roommates. Losers like those two would make anyone feel alittle nutsy. I hope all works out for you and God Bless....

Top
#32755 - 03/27/04 09:24 PM Re: A Trickle of Help
Vicki M. Taylor Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
Lil, I've followed your progress along the boards and I feel such a "kinship" with you and your situation.

I too, went through something similar many years ago(more than 10).. however for me.. there was no diagnosis.. none.. until a year ago.

I did have a support network of friends, but no one understood what I was going through or why I had such a "high" life. I hid my lows from people, because they "loved" the "high" me.

It was horrible and wasteful, all those years. But, now I am "stable and normal"... whatever that means!!! I take Risperdal and Lexapro on a daily basis along with Ativan for episodes.

I have a wonderful husband who totally GETS me and understands my way of being. He recognizes my manic symptoms even before I do.. and he helps me congnitively deal with them.

I wish love and light upon you and may you find success along the way.

Peace.

Top
#32756 - 03/28/04 12:05 AM Re: A Trickle of Help
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I don't want to sound stupid or cold, but I would like to know why you gave away your faithful and loving Precious because you weren't allowed animals, she suffered miseraby and died and now you CAN have a cat, and have one?? Then I read that someone else put a collie to sleep NOT because she was sick or suffering but because she became an inconvenience?? I am an avid animal lover and activist and have one question. Don't you people know that animals are forever, like your children almost or should be. They are living, loving, feeling creatures, and are NOT disposable for your convenience. Some of you may get mad at this and thats fine, I have a good chin and can takes the punches but I mean every word and say "shame on you!" [Mad]

Top
#32757 - 03/28/04 05:16 AM Re: A Trickle of Help
garrie keyman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/03
Posts: 101
Loc: Lititz, PA
Lemme take a wild stab at this ... you probably believe in abortion "rights," too, don't you?

-- gar

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >



NABBW.com | Forum Testimonials | Newsletter Sign Up | View Our Newsletter | Advertise With Us
About the Founder | Media Room | Contact BWS
Resources for Women | Boomer Books | Recent Reads | Boomer Links | Our Voices | Home

Boomer Women Speak
9672 W US Highway 20, Galena, IL 61036 • info@boomerwomenspeak.com • 1-877-BOOMERZ

Boomer Women Speak cannot be held accountable for any personal relationships or meetings face-to-face that develop because of interaction with the forums. In addition, we cannot be held accountable for any information posted in Boomer Women Speak forums.

Boomer Women Speak does not represent or endorse the reliability of any information or offers in connection with advertisements,
articles or other information displayed on our site. Please do your own due diligence when viewing our information.

Privacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer

Copyright 2002-2019 • Boomer Women SpeakBoomerCo Inc. • All rights reserved