Lil -- you're going to be just fine -- oh, there's going to be very bumpy roads ahead for you -- and an occasional backtrack here and there -- but you've made the first step -- and the hardest, I think. You've begun the process of "dropping the bomb on the right target" -- as you said ;-)

I don't mean to "demean" the use of medicine for when the brain goes a little off balance -- my son had schizophrenia and if it wasn't for the medicine he would have continued to be totally insane -- I just don't want YOU to give all the credit to the medicine and forget that the biggest part of this is because YOU made the first step forward. Pat yourself on the back girl -- you deserve it !!!

Abuse has a lifelong effect on a child -- be it physical or mental -- and we do follow the pattern right through adulthood -- unless something triggers us to STOP and say ENOUGH -- which is what you are finally doing -- I didn't become a multiple personality for the fun of it -- it was survival -- but I'm here to tell you -- you can get past it and have a wonderful life AFTER abuse

i agree with everything Merideth said -- and I add a big HURRAH FOR YOU !!! keep talking -- journalizing -- scream it from the roof tops if you need to -- but now that it's started to come out LET IT OUT -- we'll be here to listen -- by the way Lil -- do you live in Florida ????? if so -- i have a wonderful place for you to call -- they know how to put humpty dumpty back to gether again afterall

((((((( lil )))))))))

When people are abused or neglected as a child, sometimes there's a black hole where the love should have been, and the child spends a lifetime trying to fill that hole. Food, drugs, alchohol, sex, any kind of addiction. It's a temporary bandaid on a hole that can never be filled... until you learn to give yourself the love that is everybody's birthright.

The black hole where love should be is the loneliness I see in my addicted friends. They seem to have been abandoned even by themselves and they float untethered in a vacuum always searching for something, anything, to fill the emptiness of their heart.

Sometimes we are emptied of love by giving ourselves away and other times, it is stolen from us. Either way, it must be replenished. Love can't be created in an empty heart. It is only available from the source.

The source of love is love itself, God.

smile

[ January 06, 2004, 11:56 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

My religious views are different from most of the women here. I do not have a deity with a name or a religion with a name.

I believe in the interconnectedness of all things, and that everything we need is potentially inside us. We choose which energy we connect with.

Call it what you will.

Lil,

Wanted to write a few lines and say that what you're doing--seeking and getting help--is good. Medication and sometimes counseling helps a great deal. I have found that getting anger out--by talking or writing with someone trustworthy---helps get out the hostility and fear.

As Dotsie mentioned, doing some volunteer work, attending church, possibly checking out an area of employment or a hobby that you've always wanted to do--also might help. A trusted friend or family member can also be very comforting.

I can also recommend prayer--one on one with God. He is always there for you and wants the best for you. If you want, I will keep you in my prayers. Psalm 91 is a wonderful psalm, because it is a psalm of protection and guidance.

Keep in touch and know that we women of the forum care and want the best for you.

Ann

Meredith, I think it's great that we can all be in here together and have differing faiths without us feeling like we are trying to convert one another. I, for one, appreciate the education of other faiths and enjoy listenting to what gives women strength.

I agree with you Meredith -- I believe in the "spirit" of religion -- just not in the "religion" part of religion --

I think the power is within us all -- some people find that the way to tap into that power is through prayer -- I, for one, have found other ways to tap into that healing energy -- and feel that it's up to me to repel the NEGATIVE energy around me and embrace the POSITIVE energy around me.

That's why I say to you, Lil, it's up to YOU to change your life -- use the power of prayer -- if that's what you believe -- but realize that no one is going to get you out of your situation but YOU -- pick up the phone and don't put it down until someone gives you the help you need --- and when you finally get that little bit of positive energy near you --- grab on and hang on for dear life !!! cuz believe me -- it's a great ride

and Dotsie -- I agree that it's a great feeling to know that I don't have to worry about being edited or judged because of my words

My Pastor says 'religion' is a series of rituals and that you can 'religiously' wash your hair.

I suppose it's what's in the spirit that counts and it looks as if we have lots of spirited women willing to share themselves with others on this site.

smile

When I was in Bali many years ago, I really appreciated their ecumenical attitude towards religion. The main Balinese religion was native animism combined with Hinduism, but individuals felt free to embrace any religious ideas or customs that personally resonated, regardless of origin. All religious tenets were treated as valuable and possible paths.

Lil, I can't believe the difference in your posts. You are definitely on teh right track. Just remember that medication is a temporary thing. You will need to work out your issues to truly get yourself together. It sounds like you want to now and with all the support you're getting in here, I think you can see that you deserve more.