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#2737 - 08/28/05 03:43 AM Ruffled Feathers???
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Ladies, fellow Boomers I have to get something off my chest....I put in a post about lonliness today which says more about me than I like but this also brings back a question I have been pondering for sometime now. As you may have guessed I am a straight shooter and say whats on my mind, no flowers or conceilments, just stgraight out and honest. I am wondering if this has turned off some of you? I notice that sometimes when I answer a post NO ONE comes in after me. I have also started posts NO ONE seems to read or want to join in on. I hope I am being paranoid yet this has been going on for awhile. There are those of you that do jump in and seem to actually want my contriutions. What I am asking is whether you feel I am too tough, too outspoken? I would appreciate your responses and hold no negative answers against you as I am looking for "help" here. I do not want to be the playground bully so to speak and would take any comments you could give me as a lesson learned. Private mail me if you'd rather. Please be blunt and honest. I always am....Thanks for your time.

[ August 27, 2005, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#2738 - 08/28/05 03:58 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
quote:
from Chatty: I notice that sometimes when I answer a post NO ONE comes in after me. I have also started posts NO ONE seems to read or want to join in on. I hope I am being paranoid yet this has been going on for awhile...I would appreciate your responses and hold no negative answers against you as I am looking for "help" here.
Chatty, I just finished writing another post under yours about the loneliness...it took me about 20 minutes to compose it, thus the delay. I also didn't want to overwrite it too soon, giving others a chance to read your post before mine took it over.

I think it might be a combination of paranoia and time constraints. I read most of your posts, but some (about pets and recipes) I just can't think of anything to contribute. I don't have a pet, and I might not respond to a recipe post until I try it out, which could be weeks or months later, so of course, I forget to post a response.

Chatty, I for one deeply value your presence and wisdom and postings here. My personal hesitation or inability to respond right away NEVER has anything to do with it having been your post...it's always to do with my time constraints, or my energy level, or my brainfog, or my ineptitude to contribute anything more meaningful to what you've already said. You DO post very wise and read-worthy posts, and some of us just may not feel adequately capable of posting a reponse that befits the wisdom you have already spoken.

I've only ever once seen you even remotely playing a "bully" role...it was many months ago, with someone who didn't appear to be able to listen to the advice that people were offering and you finally spoke truth to her. She was offended, but that's what the truth does to some people. I was uncomfortable with the rift that the ensuing argument opened, but then I was very new here and quickly realized that sometimes we do have to speak tough love to each other, and that this place will not be everyone's cup of tea. To preserve the safe environment, we will have to speak truth and let the listener decide if it's worth staying for or not.

Time is a huge issue. Not just for me, but probably for many of us. Somedays I only get on the computer for ten minutes, somedays for 5-6 hours. And energy/brainfog is another huge issue. Somedays I'm as sharp as a whistle, and somedays I can barely log in here, much less try to be wise and eloquent. I tend to hide those days. But NEVER does it mean that I don't value anyone else's opinion or eloquence here. My lack of response is because of MY problems, not because of anything to do with who has posted...especially you. You are near and dear to so many hearts here.

But I can't speak for everyone here, so I better shut up and let others have their turn. I consider you one of the mainstays of this community, one of the wise ones that we all see as a vital link and essential to the well-being and safe environment we all enjoy here.

Okay, I'm shutting up now. But let me know if you want to hear more from me...this is one topic I can elaborate on at length if you want...that's how much I admire and respect you.

[ August 27, 2005, 09:11 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

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#2739 - 08/28/05 05:15 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Chatty,

I for one, am one of your biggest fans! You know that! I scanned quickly through the forum today and didn't see your post. Ughhhhh!

I sometimes feel the same way you do - I just chock it up to - well, nobody is interested. LOL (sniffles). This is why the "hall monitor" thing is in place -- so people don't get overlooked!

You are a treasure, missy! You have impacted my life greatly!

I'm sorry that your post was unanswered --- I have to go back and find it now!

Keep posting -- we need you!

Danita

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#2740 - 08/28/05 06:54 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I still havean't seen the loneliness post. I need to go hunting for it.

Chatty, please do not take the replies to posts personally. Trust me, I have had tons of posts that haven't gotten replies. I just chalk it up to lack of interest on that topic at that specific time. Or, maybe it's lack of time to compose a post. Also, sometimes posts get covered up.

This is something that really bothers me about the forums. I wish there was time to give constructive replies to every post, but time doesn't allow, nor does my brain function well enough to do so.

We need honesty, and we need you. Please don't take things personally. It makes me sad.

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#2741 - 08/28/05 06:54 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I still havean't seen the loneliness post. I need to go hunting for it.

Chatty, please do not take the replies to posts personally. Trust me, I have had tons of posts that haven't gotten replies. I just chalk it up to lack of interest on that topic at that specific time. Or, maybe it's lack of time to compose a post. Also, sometimes posts get covered up.

This is something that really bothers me about the forums. I wish there was time to give constructive replies to every post, but time doesn't allow, nor does my brain function well enough to do so.

We need honesty, and we need you. Please don't take things personally. It makes me sad.

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#2742 - 08/28/05 06:56 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Chatty, I have nothing to say because Eagle and Danita just said it all. As you might know, I am letting my positions as hall monitor go because of time limitations and prioritizing. I can spend many hours a day with my boomer sibs, but I have to work on a book. I don't have any problem with your personality, nor have I ever been offended by your straight shooting style. I think it might be coincidence that you are the last to post on a thread or that no one responds to a thread you start. And where is this lonliness post? If you are feeling lonely, I want to know, so I can let you know that I am sending you lots of love and light. Lynn

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#2743 - 08/28/05 07:46 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
I like straight shooting people. I think they are being themselves. I want to know people as they are, not as they think they should be.

I found myself writing things I didn't really feel and I stopped posting for a while. I don't want to hurt anyone, but if we can't express our opinions, even if they differ, we might just as well not post at all.

Sometimes I disagree with a post and if I feel deeply about it, I will post my opinion. Some people see disagreement as aggression so I try to be gentle, but some people just use rhetoric and emotional overstatement to make a point andit is not supported by fact. If I ask for facts those same people are sometimes offended.

People sometimes seem to come here wanting, not help, but sympathy, but they need honesty. If they only get false sympathy it is destructive to everyone involved.

Chatty, your posts are full of intelligence and great wisdom so for heaven's sake, don't run off. We need your honesty here.
smile

[ August 28, 2005, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#2744 - 08/28/05 10:08 AM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Maggie Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/03
Posts: 765
Loc: Oregon
Chatty,
You are valued very much here in the forums. I think you can see that now by everyone who's posting.
Like I told you in another post I wish I had the time to post to everything but I just can't especially during the summer. It is hectic here.
Keep up the great work that you do. I love honesty and respect that much more than anything else.
Maggie

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#2745 - 08/28/05 06:19 PM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
And, you KNOW I love you! Bunches.

Bisou-Bisou

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#2746 - 08/28/05 06:22 PM Re: Ruffled Feathers???
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
P.S. Loneliness is under menopause thread.

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