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#2466 - 08/16/05 07:11 AM Re: How to handle this?
TVC15 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 2538
Loc: North Carolina
I agree with smile
Lonely people do desparate things and unfortunately usually end up even lonelier afterwards. I've had experience with this myself and its just not worth keeping someone around like that. They will bring you down if you let them.

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#2467 - 08/15/05 08:25 PM Re: How to handle this?
Itza Offline
Member

Registered: 08/04/05
Posts: 17
Loc: United Kingdom
quote:
Originally posted by TVC15:
I agree with smile
Lonely people do desparate things and unfortunately usually end up even lonelier afterwards. I've had experience with this myself and its just not worth keeping someone around like that. They will bring you down if you let them.

I know you read what smile had written but I'm not sure that you read what I had written afterwards so my reply to your post (above) is basically: If your friend is going through a tough time, you think it's ok for you to ignore them? And when they become aware of your absense (because tragedy is an incredibly lonely time for people) and they then say words to the effect of, "I'm missing you and could do with some friendly support," you're saying it's then ok for you to think, "Woah, this is way to heavy for me so I'll ignore them even more now."

Please tell me that's not what you are saying.

Itza

[ August 15, 2005, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: Itza ]

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#2468 - 08/15/05 09:28 PM Re: How to handle this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Itza, I'm trying to understand why your supposed friends would turn their backs on you during such a sad time in your life. That's horrible. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

As for my supposed friend, she wasn't going through a rough time, she was just being her usual rude self, which after a long time, finally got to me. She would call me a dumb sh** and horrible names like that. The rude and insulting email was the final straw for me. She's old enough to know better.

Personally, I've never backed away from heavy problems since I work with battered women. But, I don't think your question was directed toward me so I'll back away.

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#2469 - 08/15/05 10:00 PM Re: How to handle this?
Itza Offline
Member

Registered: 08/04/05
Posts: 17
Loc: United Kingdom
Hi Dianne

You're right, my question wasn't directed towards you and I can undertand why you want out of your friendship with the way your friend has abused you. That is totally uncalled for and you don't deserve to be treated like that by people who should really be your friends.

My question was directed toward what TVC15 had written. I simply cannot believe someone would turn their back on a lonely person. Ok, so maybe people have forced their own lonliness by acting a certain way towards their friends, much like your friend has done to you, Dianne, but people like myself have been through a tragic time to turn around aghast that people who I believed were friends just gone.

It was an incredibly lonely time so I reached out to my friends without success. God, that hurt. It wasn't lonely just for me but for my husband, too. We almost lost our baby son. Fortunately, he didn't die but he ended up severely disabled. Maybe that's what these 'friends' couldn't cope with which is understandable up to a point but to abandon you at your lonliest time, that is so wrong. Friends shouldn't do that to each other.

I feel like I've hijaked the main point of your post Dianne, so I want to apologise for that.

Take care
Itza

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#2470 - 08/16/05 12:45 AM Re: How to handle this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Oh gosh, don't worry about that!

Do you think that maybe your friends just didn't know what to say? I don't get it either. How long ago was this and have you ever heard from them since then?

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#2471 - 08/16/05 02:35 AM Re: How to handle this?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Itza I believe that some people cazn not or won't deal with unpleasant things. I brought my sister with MS to live in my home till the end of her days and at least 4 of my best friends, people that I saw almost daily stopped coming around. I needed them most then as she was like a simple minded child and at times unpleasant to see BUT that is no excuse. After 5 years she died and only then did these people begin to try to drift back into my circle of friends. One woman inally said I had no reason to be mad because she couldn't stand be around retarded people. At least she was honest. None of these people are still my friends, I guess I can't stand retarded acting people either...Maybe we are better off....

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#2472 - 08/16/05 08:42 AM Re: How to handle this?
chickadee Offline
Member

Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
Here's a list of excuses I've heard whether someone is home alone, sickness, death, in hospital, retired citizens home or just lonely:

I hate hospitals

I don't know what to say

I SHOULD go visit

I"ve been SO busy

I don't have time

She/He complains too much

I don't feel welcome

I can't handle it

She/He's changed

I hate the smell

She/he don't know your there, anyway.

He/she talks to much

It's boring there

I don't like the husband/wife

The kids get on my nerves

and Chatty's rude friend's comment

The list of excuses is long and valid enough for the ones giving them. Unfortunate isn't it?
chick

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#2473 - 08/19/05 06:32 AM Re: How to handle this?
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
chatty lady I'm with you...when people become destructive in our lives it's time to dump them...This woman must be really miserable and unhappy and wants to make her as miserable as she is. Life is short...don't blow it on losers...there's too many wonderful things and people in life to waste time on those who only want to be ugly and bring us down.

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#2474 - 08/19/05 06:04 PM Re: How to handle this?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I've found God replaces the old, rude friends with new ones who honor you. My best friend is moving to Texas this month. [Frown] and I've been bummed but yesterday I was in this little shop and this woman said, don't I know you? She's a neighbor that I met at a party last year. Her husband also works out of town and she's been looking for a friend to do things with. How cool is that? She's really nice too.

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#2475 - 08/20/05 07:22 AM Re: How to handle this?
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Hi Dianne,

Oh boy can I relate or what. When I was younger and working in an office. I worked with this other woman who befriended me. We used to go out to lunch together and then became friends outside of work.

It didn't take her long to belittle me, and to do so in front of other co-workers. In particular the male co-workers. She couldn't stand that I received compliments from them, nothing bad. Just you look nice today or something like that, and even compliments on the work that I would do.

Finally, after a few years I just couldn't take it anymore because she was bringing me down with her. I just treated her like a hot potatoe and dropped her. That was the best decision that I made at that time.

I would suggest to you that, not only to drop her, but to block her email address. That way you don't have to put up with insults. Even when we consider the source, it can still nag at us. So blotting her out will make you forget her in the long run. You don't need that aggravation.

Anyway, my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Cathi

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