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#220899 - 06/13/15 10:52 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: Anne Holmes]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
The punch line is [you can see yourself washing windows] thy reflection in the window glass...writing is just background setup. Joke I heard on radio the guy used DJ as his job, of course. You can be doing anything, it wouldn't matter!

Sorry! I thought it was funny. Okay here's a better one.

A little boy said to his mommy: "I'm gonna draw a picture of a horse-drawn cart." The lad draws a horse.

Mommy said, "Where's the cart?"

Boy said, "The horse draws the cart."

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#220902 - 06/17/15 01:31 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: jabber]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Q. Why does the capital have so many one-way streets?
A. So that all the civil servants coming in late won't collide with those going home early.
_________________________________________________

CHIP AHOY

I bought the latest computer;
It came completely loaded.
It was guaranteed for 90 days,
But in 30 was outmoded!

_________________________________________________

When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle.
Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.
"I really can't remember," the snail replied "You see, it all happened so fast."

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#220913 - 06/22/15 06:50 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: jabber]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
It's only Monday, but I just ran across this great cache of jokes courtesy of Carol Wyer, so I thought I'd share:

These are ALL "Amusing Things Women Want To Hear But Never Do." Hope they brighten your day:
Quote:

Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.

What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't seem to have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.

What a break, I won a prize on the radio station.... tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.

Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.

Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

If the guys call and want me to go to that new sports club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.

Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.


Which one made you laugh so hard you choked on your coffee?
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#220916 - 06/24/15 04:00 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: Anne Holmes]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
I love anything that makes me smile!

Here's one or two or three:

Las Vegas is loaded with all kinds of gambling devices," says Joey Adams. "Dice tables, slot machines, and wedding chapels."

And then there's the shop-a-holic whose friend complimented her on her new car. "Oh, thanks," the woman replied. "I'm getting about 20 malls per gallon!"

Q. What the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.

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#220921 - 07/01/15 12:42 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: jabber]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, "Now these are real tough guys in here. Do you think you can handle it?"
"No problem," the applicant replied. "If they don't behave, out they go!"

Q: What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street?
A: A large fortune.

John, teaching his parrot to talk: "Repeat after me, "I can walk."
Parrot: "I can walk."
John: "I can talk."
Parrot: "I can talk."
John: "I can fly."
Parrot: "That's a lie."

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#220922 - 07/01/15 07:52 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: jabber]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
Ha Ha! Thanks!!
_________________________
Boomer in Chief of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com
www.boomerlifestyle.com
www.boomerco.com

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#220933 - 07/08/15 12:31 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: Anne Holmes]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Did you hear about the insomniac dyslexic agnostic? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

-------------------------------------------------------
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."

-------------------------------------------------------

And did you hear about the bishop who hired a secretary who had worked for the Pentagon? She immediately changed his filing system to "Sacred" and "Top Sacred."

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#220936 - 07/11/15 10:53 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: jabber]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
Love em! Thanks!!!
_________________________
Boomer in Chief of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com
www.boomerlifestyle.com
www.boomerco.com

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#220938 - 07/15/15 11:20 AM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: Anne Holmes]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in, they had to pay the jockey time and a half?

--------------------------------------------

An excited woman called her husband at work. "I won the lottery!" she exclaimed. "Pack your clothes!"
"Great!" he replied. "Summer or winter clothes?"
"All of them--I want you out of the house by six!"

--------------------------------------------

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, they named a drink after you!"
"Really?" replies the grasshopper. "There's a drink named Stan?"

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#220939 - 07/16/15 10:11 PM Re: Worst Joke Wednesday... [Re: jabber]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
Thanks, Jabber! Funny as usual. You have good sources.
_________________________
Boomer in Chief of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com
www.boomerlifestyle.com
www.boomerco.com

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