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#211980 - 04/07/11 09:35 AM For better or worse!
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Having been marrid three times, although I don't count number three, I was asked would I do it again knowing what I know now. Yes to number one; it was a lot of fun for most of the marriage until he became so ill.

Then there was number two who I truly believe was my soul mate. I would have never left him and loved every minute of our life together, he was my hero and I adored him.

Number three was a stupid mistake, one I made after having been a care gtiver for five long years to my kid sister with MS and Dementa. It was too fast, didn't really know him and he is the biggest loser on this earth, "I CAN'T" is his mantra and it fits because he never could...
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#211994 - 04/07/11 03:48 PM Re: For better or worse! [Re: chatty lady]
jabber Offline

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10019
Loc: New York State
Well I'd marry my current hubby again. He's easy to live with and
a really, really nice human being. Was too young for marriage the
1st time around.

#211996 - 04/07/11 05:58 PM Re: For better or worse! [Re: jabber]
yonuh Offline

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
Knowing what I know now I would definitely marry the same guy. Even though the marriage ended badly, I grew as a woman and as a human being and gained two wonderful sons and now three fantastic grandchildren. I can't help but think that I would be somebody totally different if I had married someone else. Maybe it would have been better; who knows? But I like who I have become and don't think I would have grown and matured as much as I have with a 'normal' husband. Plus, I probably wouldn't have met my current partner!
Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

#211997 - 04/07/11 08:58 PM Re: For better or worse! [Re: chatty lady]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3198
Loc: Illinois
INTERESTING question, Chatty! You have certainly caused me to pause and think.

OK, my first husband was a charming and very good looking man - also very smart. I met him my first month in college, we dated for 4 years and were married for -- EXACTLY -- 10. Our divorce became final on our 10th anniversary.

From him I gained two wonderful children, and got moved to the part of the country where I eventually met Steve.

While Bill always had a job, he wasn't very ambitious. He was perfectly content to put in a day's work, come home, drink beer, watch TV -- and hang out with friends. He had no interest in taking classes, going on trips, fixing up/improving the house, etc...

My father told me after we were engaged that he worried that husband #1 wasn't very ambitious, and I blithely told him, "Don't worry, Dad. I've got ambition enough for both of us."

Which might have been true, but I understand now, based on my life experience, that my having more ambition was NOT a good thing for our relationship.

Bill traveled a lot in his work, and refused to call me when he was out of town. Supposedly because his employer (the Federal government) wouldn't reimburse him for his personal phone calls.

Left on my own for two weeks or more at a time -- and armed with all that ambition -- I took on projects that he didn't understand and/or support.

So we grew apart. He started drinking more and having affairs with co-workers. Told me life was fine and he had no intent to change it. So I took the kids and left.

Eventually we got a no-fault divorce and joint custody -- I insisted on that because I wanted the kids to know their father.

Shortly after the divorce was final, he was diagnosed with non-Hodgekin's lymphoma, which certainly added to the complexity of our lives.

Steve and I met 5 years later and were married less than 6 months after we met. That was 22 years ago. He adopted the kids a few months after Bill died. Prior to that, we three did a great job as co-parents and the kids loved having two dads...

There's a lot more to the story, which I won't bore everyone with.

But long story short, I am glad I married both of them.

Thanks for sending me on that trip down memory lane, Chatty!

Edited by Anne Holmes (04/07/11 08:59 PM)
Boomer in Chief of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.

#212585 - 05/04/11 08:52 PM Re: For better or worse! [Re: Anne Holmes]
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I know what you mean Anne about trips down memorty lane. I so often think of my two prior lives with men I loved and admired. I too divorced number three but he is so needy and still won't go away. I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like if my second husband, my soulmate, was still alive? Yo know I believe sometimes I am angry, angry that a man who was so good and loved life so much was taken from me, Humm, maybe so, makes perfect sense.
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