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#209151 - 11/25/10 01:41 AM What would you do?
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Ok, here's the situation:

The neighbor girl, who is 7, was selling candy for school. Even though I did not want/need chocolate bars, I gave her $5 any way...actually gave it to her mother in her presence. With the stipulation that she give those bars to 5 kids she knew at school or church who could not afford one.

After asking her the other day if she gave them out, she said, "Well my Dad ate four of them 'cause he did not know whose they were. Then the other one I took to school but I lost it".

So, what do/should I do, if anything? Her mom is my walking buddy so next time we walk, I'll ask her about it.

Thanks!

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#209154 - 11/25/10 05:51 AM Re: What would you do? [Re: Di]
Ellemm Offline


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 601
I think your heart was totally in the right place and can understand why you are disappointed. I really don't think, though, that the average 7-year-old is capable of such a high-level task. (Remembering to keep track of the candy, identifying who might be needy, dispersing the candy properly). What is she, in first grade? Maybe second at most. Honest, they cannot do any of that yet. It's a minor miracle if they get to school with matching socks and shoes on both feet.

The mother, of course, is plenty old enough to have understood your wishes, though. I'd guess she either forgot or isn't really sure who needs the candy either. In the rush of trying to get candy or gift sales recorded and over with, special requests like yours might get overlooked.

I'd suggest that you pass on the candy, if you choose to buy any again, to people in your own church who who take meals and groceries to others. I'd guess they're far more likely know who needs what. Those school sales are a pain, I think. I'd much rather make a donation to some school fund than have to select some stuff I don't want, and I have done plenty of that.

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#209155 - 11/25/10 07:34 AM Re: What would you do? [Re: Ellemm]
Edelweiss2 Offline


Registered: 09/09/08
Posts: 779
Loc: American living in Germany
Ellemm, great reply, and I totally agree.
_________________________
A friend is a gift you give yourself.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

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#209166 - 11/25/10 03:35 PM Re: What would you do? [Re: Edelweiss2]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Honestly, I would not have asked this unless I knew that "P" were capable of doing this. She is very giving and bright...a 2nd grader.

I imagine her mother will offer to give me back my $5 next time we walk. I would've hoped they'd come right to me to "confess"...because I would!

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#209167 - 11/25/10 06:05 PM Re: What would you do? [Re: Di]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Our house is one of the favourite stop-offs for kids selling anything for school fundraisers. We buy everything they sell, chocolate, fudge, candles, wrapping paper. For the chocolate bars, we usually buy 1 or 2 from every kid that comes, and then buy the bigger stuff from only a few of the kids from our block. We know these kids well, some would be capable of managing such responsibility as dispersing the bars as you requested, but others would not. And very few children at that age would have any kind of control over the actions of their parents (eg, the father helping himself - HE'S the one at fault here, not the child!!! How can he justify eating those bars knowing that each one must be paid and accounted for!!)

Rather than take the risk of it not getting done to my liking, I would have taken the bars and put them in the food bank cart at the grocery store, or doled them out myself. And I'd ask my friend's HUSBAND to pay me back the $5, not the friend or the daughter.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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#209171 - 11/25/10 08:59 PM Re: What would you do? [Re: Di]
Ellemm Offline


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 601
Originally Posted By: Di
Honestly, I would not have asked this unless I knew that "P" were capable of doing this. She is very giving and bright...a 2nd grader.

I imagine her mother will offer to give me back my $5 next time we walk. I would've hoped they'd come right to me to "confess"...because I would!



I'm going to admit that I don't understand this. If she had fallen into a puddle on her way to school would you be expecting your money back because the candy got ruined? It's a school fundraiser; the whole purpose of collecting the money is to buy things for the school. Giving to needy people at school can be really problematic anyway. A lot of kids already know they don't have what other kids do and are humiliated if someone calls atention to their situation, no matter how well-meaning they are. Maybe thise little girl could have handled it with tact and discretion, but it's tricky.

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#209172 - 11/25/10 09:10 PM Re: What would you do? [Re: Ellemm]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Of course not. If the candy got ruined, no. BUT, the Dad could have ASKED "whose candy is this?" or at least paid for it!

Granted, it's not the five bucks, the "fessing up" to something like this could have been done.

They are the same parents who, when this same little girl was caught poking our dog with a stick thru the fence, made her confess to me..which she was VERY uncomfy doing. But she knows I love her and forgave her. Yet, let her know that my dogs are "my children."

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#209173 - 11/26/10 01:27 AM Re: What would you do? [Re: Di]
Ellemm Offline


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 601
Well, yeah. The dad should have known better than to just grab stuff that was laying around. I'm going to guess they were probably a little embarrassed. (Well, the wife, probably.) They sound like they are trying to do the right thing by their daughter, so that's good. Good luck with resolving this.

Additional thoughts: It sounds like the dad wasn't clued in on the fundraiser, so the entire family dropped the ball. And I agree with Edelweiss. It would be sad if something like this came between your friendship. I would *much* prefer to simply be asked for a donation to a school. This exchange of goods no one really wants or needs is a huge pain for the parents, the kids and the people who are hit up.


Edited by Ellemm (11/26/10 01:08 PM)

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#209179 - 11/26/10 09:17 AM Re: What would you do? [Re: Ellemm]
Edelweiss2 Offline


Registered: 09/09/08
Posts: 779
Loc: American living in Germany
Di, it might be less stressful for you to just let it go, and to handle this differently next year. These people are neighbours...it's not worth the 5 bucks.
_________________________
A friend is a gift you give yourself.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

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#209183 - 11/26/10 10:48 PM Re: What would you do? [Re: Edelweiss2]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3178
Loc: Illinois
Di, Isn't it frustrating when you find yourself in a situation like this?

I know when I was 7 my mother regularly sent me to the corner store for bread, etc. She expected me to get there and back, handle the selection of the food items and manage the transaction at the sales register.

When my daughter was 4 or 5 she and I used to walk to McDonald's once a month or so, and I would give her money to order her own food. But we discovered that unless she literally waved her money, no one would pay attention to her. And teaching small kids wave money around is not a good thing...

I expect the problem came with the part about selecting the kids who would receive the free candy... And I agree that her Dad shouldn't have eaten the candy without asking. But the damage is done.

I expect that Eagle Heart and Edelweiss are right. Next year, handle it differently, but for now, put it behind you, frustrating as that is.
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