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#204997 - 06/25/10 11:57 AM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: yonuh]
greene Offline


Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 262
Loc: Atlanta,Georgia
I'm so glad you found your strength and landed with your feet on the ground. Isn't it amazing that when we dig down deep we often come up with the strength we need to care for ourselves? Absolutely love you quote!

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#205041 - 06/26/10 02:58 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: greene]
Granny Offline


Registered: 06/13/10
Posts: 18
Loc: WV
Does anyone know why some addicts deny addiction? It puzzles me as to why someone would do that when it is so apparent in a face to face situation they are impaired. Is it denial to themselves?

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#205045 - 06/26/10 04:43 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: Granny]
yonuh Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
Because their brains don't function normally. They don't see what they are doing as a problem. Some addicts, maybe the lucky ones, realize they have a problem - eventually - and do something about it. Addicts sometimes just change their drug of choice thinking that solves the problem. But the substance they are addicted to first makes them feel good, but then they need more and more of the substance to get the same good feeling. Intellectually, I can understand it - I was an addictions counselor many, many years ago - but I still don't understand it, if that makes sense. I suppose only someone who has been there can really explain the feelings and thought processes.
_________________________
Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
http://ruthrainwater.wordpress.com/
http://newbeginningsgratitudejournal.wordpress.com/
http://sablewings.wordpress.com/

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#205059 - 06/26/10 08:35 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: yonuh]
greene Offline


Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 262
Loc: Atlanta,Georgia
I also think part of it is because by admitting to the problem and acknowledging the need for help you are bringing yourself dangerously close to having the substance taken away from you.
The primal need, even on an unconscious level, is to keep steady access to whatever it is you are addicted to. The thought of being without it is terrifying because you just don't think you can be without it without being really sick. So, in a weird convoluted way denial keeps you 'safe' - 'safe' as in no one will try to take your alcohol, drugs whatever away. Your too messed up on the alcohol and drugs to see or think clearly and understand that the reality is that everyone already knows without your telling them and getting out from under the addiction can't happen until you take that scary step of admitting it.
I'm only speaking from my own experience and of people I would talk to when in rehab. It could be very different for others

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#205107 - 06/28/10 10:58 AM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: greene]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
yonuh, good for you to be able to recognize the changes through the years.

greene, do you work with addicts? If not, you should. You have a gift of eloquently sharing the emotional side.

Granny, not only are you the mother of an adult addict, but you are a very wise and strong mother of an adult addict. I admire your strength and wisdom of using tough love. How is your son today, and how are you?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#205144 - 06/28/10 11:03 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: Dotsie]
Granny Offline


Registered: 06/13/10
Posts: 18
Loc: WV

Shaking out a sheet yesterday raised my hand up over my head and got it caught in the ceiling fan. Didn't break any bones but it is swollen and bruised. Saw my son at his house yesterday and he really looked good and talked like his old self. He is the youngest of the two but still an adult as he is almost 40. We talked about his pills he receives from pain management and withdrawaling from them over time. We talked about our oldest son (his oldest brother) that no one has seen or heard from for about two months. I suspected his useage and refused to let him stay here with out during a urine test. He is a ten year survivor of stage 4 colon cancer and has been on a prescription oxycotin or roxycotin all that time. We only have two sons and both are addicts. A family member came by this weekend and told us that we would have to allow our son into our home if he has no place else to go - she is a counselor and deals with addicts all the time. Still standing firm no addicts where I reside and that is what I was rehashing in my mind when I got my hand caught in that darn ceiling fan. Going to get me a glass of ice tea and sit out on the front porch in my rocker.
I want to share something that happened to me several years back in hopes that it will benefit others in their time of despair.
Had received a strange call from my younger son one day and after hanging up received another call from a family member saying that he was going to commit suicide. Well I lost it for a period of time minute or minutes - don't recall. In my turmoil I had forgotten we had a painter in the house and at some point (after I had calm down) in he came into the living room and checked on me. I told him about the phone call from a family member. He immediately said - let us pray for him. Within months of that prayer my son gave up heroin.
I will never forget that man or that day. We may feel alone at time (and I did that day) but we are never really alone and by knowing that it gives me strength.

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#205170 - 06/29/10 12:54 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: Granny]
greene Offline


Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 262
Loc: Atlanta,Georgia
Thank you for the nice words Dotsie. I don't work with addicts but as an alcoholic feel I can share what I went through the 4 yrs I was in the grips of it. Up until my problems started in my 50's I thought I had a decent understanding of substance abuse. Now I'm not sure it is even possible to truly grasp the destruction and pain and degradation of the human soul that it causes until you have felt yourself totally in the grips of the horrible thing and wondered where the person you used to be has disappeared to. I was so lucky to have the support and love of my family as well as the resources to get the help I needed. Anyway, now I feel part of what I should do is try to help others understand the other side of the issue

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#205513 - 07/07/10 12:24 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: greene]
Granny Offline


Registered: 06/13/10
Posts: 18
Loc: WV
I do enjoy the cool summer nights with the windows open for sleeping but that changed Monday night so have turned the a/c on.
My husband doesn't like a/c as it causes sinus problems for him.
We have a recreation room (where we spend most of our day) with a window unit. Think that will be a good place for him to spend the summer and we can meet up again in the Fall. Does anyone else have this situation? When we do errands I have the a/c on and he turns his vents off and opens the window. Works for us.
Hope everyone is doing fine and enjoying the summer.

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#205527 - 07/07/10 08:53 PM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: Granny]
Edelweiss2 Offline


Registered: 09/09/08
Posts: 779
Loc: American living in Germany
Granny that was quite a story about how the painter prayed with you. Really got to me. Yes, it's a good feeling to believe we are never really alone.

Since my husband has the "breathing machine" we sleep in seperate rooms. It gets really cool here nights. Great for sleeping.

Greene, I believe your mission not only helps others, but it helps you too. Stay strong. You set a good example for so many.
_________________________
A friend is a gift you give yourself.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

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#206077 - 07/25/10 12:07 AM Re: Mothers of adult addicts [Re: Edelweiss2]
Granny Offline


Registered: 06/13/10
Posts: 18
Loc: WV
Hello to all,
My computer crashed. Never ever had that happen before and don't want it to happen again. The power went off for a few seconds and even though I have a power surge thing to help with this everything was lost. With a little age on me I don't remember things and it has been difficult to pick up the pieces. Nice to be back and hope all are doing well. Not getting much done outside this summer with the temperatures being what they are - hot. Did get two nice tomatoes off the vine last night. Yummy

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