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#202452 - 04/18/10 11:54 PM Lonesome
yonuh Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
I'm feeling kinda lonesome as my honey had to leave to go to California to work. He's gone 2-3 weeks then home for a few days and off again. He just left Friday after being home for just over a week and won't be back for a little over 3 weeks. I hate that there is no work here for him. We don't have the option of waiting it out, and we're underwater on our home, and our tenant gave her notice and will be leaving early May - she and her partner bought a house. There is a rental glut here, so we're hoping that we can find a tenant soon. So I'm not feeling very positive these days. I know it will get better, but just now I'm very sad.
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#202454 - 04/19/10 02:16 AM Re: Lonesome [Re: yonuh]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Yonuh, I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this, especially the loneliness while he's away. 2-3 weeks seems interminable, doesn't it!! Try not to look at that huge of a timeframe all at once...one day at a time. When my hubby went away for 2 weeks in November, at first it felt so miserable and I wondered how I'd ever make it through. But I planned something special each day, to give myself something to look forward to in the morning when I woke up. After a few days I actually enjoyed the freedom to come and go, to eat what and when I wanted to, to stay up all night on the computer if I wanted to...it was still lonely at night, but I would just take my laptop to bed with me and chat with friends online late into the night. I hope you can find something special to do each day to help pass the time.

I know how hard it is to feel positive some days!! I think it's really important to try not to anticipate too much ahead, to try and "be here now" as much as possible, otherwise it just becomes too overwhelming and I don't know about you, but when it becomes too overwhelming, it paralyzes me and that makes it even worse. Me, I can only manage little chunks of stress at a time, and work hard to find ways to inject some pleasure and/or light into those tough days. Chocolate (I'm not being funny here - it's amazing how a few pieces of special chocolate can help inject a little joy into a chaotic day).

Anyway, we're here, and I for one am carrying you in prayer. xox
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

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#202456 - 04/19/10 10:13 AM Re: Lonesome [Re: Eagle Heart]
humlan Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 1341
Loc: Sweden
Eagleheart said it all.. I just happened to look out the window here and the weather is lovely. A cool spring day..in Stockholm..despite the volcano spewing out ashes not too far away from us...everything Eagleheart says is right and will help..and perhaps a short walk in the beautiful spring weather might make you feel better and get you going? It doesnīt have to be a long walk at all. I`ve had an op on my foot..so my walks are very short..but itīs nice to get out anyway. Well, most of the time anyway.

This is a good place to be if you are feeling lonesome..there is usually always someone around or something to read..


I am sorry that your hubby has to be away so often and for quite a long time. I donīt do so well when my partner is gone either. But I have learned one thing..I try to do ONE THING each day..whatever..visit a friend..read a book..watch a tv program..take a walk..call a friend..shop..start a self help book that I have had lying around..and actually go thru the steps..write down what they ask and suggest..this takes time, bring on new ideas and actually MAY help me in the future. One book by Cheryl Richardson, Stand Up for Your Life, I found VERY HELPFUL. I got myself thru it..questions and all..during a long illness I had this past winter..and it HAS helped me..I find. I kinda DO stand up for my life more often than I did before taking the time to do this work. And the book had been lying around for at least a couple of years. Now I have her, Take Time for your Life" during my rehab time for my foot op.

Well, there you go..some ideas anyway. I hope you will check in here when really feel sad and lonesome..I am sure youīll find someone is "in"..day or nite. I live in Sweden..so our time zones alone find us at different hours..

HUGS!!! smile
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"some sacred place.."

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#202465 - 04/19/10 02:10 PM Re: Lonesome [Re: yonuh]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
I know how you feel, yonuh.
My partner and I lived apart in 2 different cities for 2.5 yrs. within our nearly 18 yr. long relationship. He lived in Calgary and I chose to stay in Toronto. He was directed by his firm to relocate or lose a chunk of his pension that he built with the firm for over 30yrs. What could he do, he still had child custody payments to make...

And I refused to uproot myself for only 2 yrs. because of finding a job.

It was hard initially. there was a bike route in the city where I avoided cycling by his former apartment during those years.

But I biked solo those years around Toronto. And he and I emailed and talked by phone nearly every evening. We each wanted to and took pleasure in sharing each other's day's summaries. yes, of course, he cycled solo in Calgary.

Then afterwards he went cycling by himself in New Zealand for 6 months. To celebrate his own retirement. We communicated by phone /internet.

Thereafter, in these past few years, whenever he goes off cycling on his own for a few weeks and even up to 2-3 months, i do feel abit sad.

But believe me, 2-3 months is pale to several years. Those years were abit of test for us. And the sadness was assauged always by our evening daily communication. This helps any marriage.

I do whenever he's away for long periods, i do have an image of him, ahead me, when I bike.

_________________________
http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#202466 - 04/19/10 03:04 PM For yonuh [Re: yonuh]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Some digital flowering trees from Vancouver.

Spring thoughts for you and others here. (More different stuff to enjoy the day.)
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http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#202473 - 04/19/10 06:45 PM Re: For yonuh [Re: orchid]
yonuh Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
Thank you all for your encouragement. What's really weird is that 10 years ago he was gone for almost 2 years, and it didn't hit me quite as hard as this time. Maybe it's just age?!! smile
_________________________
Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
http://ruthrainwater.wordpress.com/
http://newbeginningsgratitudejournal.wordpress.com/
http://sablewings.wordpress.com/

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#202484 - 04/19/10 08:27 PM Re: For yonuh [Re: yonuh]
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Yonuh, I understand how you feel..my husband is often away on business..and now that my kids are grown I miss him terribly when he is away..when I was raising my family there was so much going on in the house that I was too busy to think... and the days would fly by and he would be home again..but now the days are long and the nights even longer when he is away...so like Eagle Heart, you will often find me online late at night..checking the posts on BWS or another community website I joined for SeaGlass Lovers...or else Instant Messaging girlfriends who can't sleep either...if you ever want to chat late at night PM me your IM screen name and I will add you to my Buddy list and we can keep each other company...:)
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Nancy

People may not remember exactly what you said or what you did...but they will always remember how you made them feel

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#202488 - 04/19/10 08:41 PM Re: For yonuh [Re: yonuh]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Originally Posted By: yonuh
Thank you all for your encouragement. What's really weird is that 10 years ago he was gone for almost 2 years, and it didn't hit me quite as hard as this time. Maybe it's just age?!! smile


It may well be the reason.
Looking back, I realize perhaps ...I might have learned from my parents' marriage:

Since my father worked in a different city and we couldn't afford a car for first few years, he stayed and worked in the area during the week. Came home on weekends. It happened when I was 10-13 yrs. old.

My mother didn't fall apart but she did have to raise 6 children on her own (and delegating where she could certain small tasks to older kids like me).

I have strong memories of my parents talking alot whenever he came home. It was a source of child comfort to hear the murmur of parents talking respectfully and interestedly with one another.

I find it interesting to read all this,...because I know the opposite of several women who must travel alot for their jobs and hence, away from their spouse/family for certain times.
_________________________
http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#202495 - 04/19/10 10:41 PM Re: For yonuh [Re: orchid]
Anno Offline
Member

Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles, Yonuh. I hate that this economy has put you, and others, in such a position. I will hold you in my heart.
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http://www.multiplesystematrophyandshy-drager.blogspot.com

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#202513 - 04/20/10 01:38 PM Re: For yonuh [Re: Anno]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Yonuh...the above responses are good ones and if you can focus on other things each day, I'm betting the time will go by much more quickly. Plus, you could use the "downtime" to write love letters or poems to your partner in appreciation of him and what his care and love have brought into your life.

Why not make a GRATITUDE list that pertains to HIM. Each day, write down one thing about HIM that you are grateful for. When he returns, don't give it to him...but put it in his luggage right before he leaves (be sneaky about it) and when he gets to his "other" place, he'll open it and find your message of love.

You are a very creative person. I know you will think of things to do to fill your time. I am a believer of staying in the moment and living life to fullest. That doesn't mean I don't get down, just like everybody else...it just means that I set intentions to live in the moment and always with a grateful heart. I don't always succeed, but I do try to move forward with gratitude. You might want to read my column for this month if you haven't already...it's about this very thing.

Wishing you FULL days and nights and doing so with warm and fuzzy thoughts shooting your way!

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