One of the richest men in the Bible? Noah. He floated stock while everyone was in liquidation.

First ever recorded commercial in the Bible? "Habakkuk"

What kind of man was Boaz before he married? Ruthless.

Which Bible character had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun.

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: "But, I only have one mouse."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the open desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'."

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

Last night I dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings… I was Tolkien in my sleep.

What would you get if you crossed an idiot with the god of love? A stupid Cupid!

A woman told her doctor, "I've got a bad back."
The doctor said, "It's old age."
The woman said, "I want a second opinion."
The doctor says, "OK. you're ugly as well."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

The Monkey and a Hyena were the best of friends. One day, when the two were walking through the jungle, the Hyena was attacked by a vicious Lion. The Monkey escaped up a nearby tree and watched his friend the Hyena being mauled and ripped to bits.

Once the fight was over, the Hyena was only just alive and turned to the Monkey and said. "Why didn't you come and help me?"

The Monkey replied, "The way you were laughing I thought you were winning so I didn't bother."

People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren't idiots. That would be stereotyping.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Reasons the English language is so hard to learn:

* The bandage was wound around the wound...
* The farm is used to produce produce...
* The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse...
* We must polish up on our Polish...
* The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert...
* Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present...
* He could lead if he would get the lead out...
* A bass was painted on the bass drum...
* When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes...
* The insurance was invalid for the invalid...
* I did not object to the object...
* There was a row among the oarswmen about how to row...
* After seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear...

Plus there is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.

I have a million of these brain teasers...