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#199732 - 02/16/10 10:48 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: jabber]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Dancing Dolphin, I so agree with every word you wrote above, it could have come right from my own heart. The little things are the best all year long, and I feel the same about cards and jewelry, and I always have. It is so good to see you posting here again.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#199742 - 02/16/10 11:21 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: chatty lady]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
We have a very small local jeweler who Larry's known since they were kids...he makes a lot of his own jewelry and made my earrings. Instead of purchasing from a large chain of jewelers, Larry likes to go to Andress' to find things for me. Larry's son, Grady, goes there for his wife, Michelle...birthday's, Christmas, etc. It's nice to support the local folks especially if they have a really good reputation...and in this economy we know they appreciate it.
My dad always brought us candy hearts filled with Candy and supported all the holidays...we loved it and it made us feel so special...so I grew up enjoying those times...I still like those times and love giving the neighbhood munchkins hearts filled with candy.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#199743 - 02/16/10 11:26 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: chatty lady]
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
My husband has always been sweet and thoughtful of me on Holidays..even though I feel like he thinks some of it is silly he loves me and wants to make me happy . I recently had a conversation with my 33 year old son regarding this subject...after years of dating many girls he has finally met the girl of his dreams..he made a comment to me that he thinks Valentine's Day is contrived and silly and he would just like to forget about it...my advice to him was this:

When you love someone it should give you pleasure to make them happy, to fulfill some of their desires and dreams even though they seem silly to you ..so my suggestion my Darling Son is to go out and buy your girl a Valentine's card , at the same time pick up a heart shaped box of candy and a bouquet of flowers..you will make her feel special and loved and in turn she will think you are the most romantic man in the world and shower you with appreciation and love....

My son followed my advice and this morning I received an email from him that read:

"Thank you for your wise advice Mom..My girl was so happy and never stopped smiling all weekend...and you are right.it was so easy to celebrate the day ...seeing her incredibly happy from just a small gesture makes me understand why you were always stressing thoughtfulness when we were growing up...the payback is terrific!"

I think alot of men are just so grounded in reality that romance is a foreign language..but it makes me angry...when you love somone and you know it's in your power to make them happy by saying I love you or sending them a card...do it for goodness sake...why would you hold back love?? The little gestures..the I love you's don't cost much.. I guess that's why books like "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus" have been written.
_________________________
Nancy

People may not remember exactly what you said or what you did...but they will always remember how you made them feel

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#199750 - 02/17/10 12:12 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: AvalonBlondi]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Nancy...wow...congratulations with guiding your son in such a wonderful direction and hopefully, he'll keep this up. I'm so proud of you!!!
What a wonderful story!!!
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#199752 - 02/17/10 12:55 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Originally Posted By: Di
Well, I don't expect anything. I gave him my very lovely card and the DVD from "the dogs". He appreciated it and just thanked me.

Oh, well, It's my fault I guess. If someone WANTS to give a gift, they will. Guess he does not want to. Oh well.....I'd better not think more highly of myself than I ought to! If I want something THAT badly, I'll get it myself. Ho hum.


Isn't he the same husband who built your soap selling display unit? etc. The same guy who also tries hard for his adult children? Am I remembering things right?

I would agree "guilting" a person doesn't work. But given a choice between a faithfully nice guy and a guy with occasional flashy romantic gifts but no follow-through on daily giving, I'll take the first type.
_________________________
http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#199756 - 02/17/10 01:55 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: orchid]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
You're right, Orchid. Now I am embarrassed. blush As soon as I read this, I gave him a kiss and thanked him for all he does...including the cup of tea he just made me.

Thank you for being so forthright with me. I needed that!

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#199759 - 02/17/10 02:12 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Di...this subject isn't about the other days of the year...it is about our partner taking the time to do something 'special' on a 'special day' in which cards/chocolate/flowers/gifts/dates, etc. are part of Valentine's day.
Some partners do great. others' don't care. And then others are too lazy and dont' want to be be bothered. Our spouses fall into one of these categories.
To me it's important and I let my hubby know that. The good thing about my hubby is he responded and that says so much about him and how he feels about me. Larry's biggest deal was he just didn't like 'taking the time', but he now does because I've reminded him of all the things that I take the time to do for him every day...We women don't ask for much...but on certain occasions I think it's important to do these things...If it's not in your culture, that's fine.
To have a bag of hersheys kisses thrown in their spouses lap and told 'happy valentine's', even larry said that was pretty insensitive. That was not cool at all.
Just my opinion.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#199760 - 02/17/10 02:14 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
What Orchid says is true Di, but don't you dare feel embarrassed. You are a good wife, and you work your tail off right along side this man building a life and very good business. It isn't unusual to feel left out when a special occassion arrises, you're a normal woman after all, not a saint... It takes each one to show their love and dedication to the others needs...

Dotsie may have the answer, talk to him nicely about your feelings and see what he says. It can't hurt!
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#199761 - 02/17/10 02:24 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: chatty lady]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Well, the day is over now, I'm not gonna dwell on it. But I do hear so much of what others' husbands have done for friends, and I can't help to feel a tiny bit jealous.

I'm like DD, I do not like flowers that die. One year he brought me a beautiful, tall jewelry box...about 14 years ago. Our "first" V'day..then that was it. Period, the end of THAT!! It's all worn off now I guess. Yet I love my little piece of furniture!

He thinks I'm "high maintenance" and WAY too needy. So he prob thinks I don't deserve "more". I don't know. There's more to this than I care to share here...so I've learned to, sorta, live with it.

But I know I gave HIM something.....which is what was important for ME. If I am not that important to HIM to at least "fake it", as someone mentioned, well, what can I do, ya know.

My birthday is in a few months.......last time my sister sent me a coat as a gift and all I did was tell him 'bout it. He said "are you trying to rub it in my face that I did not give you something"? Geesh! He's getting old/cranky and intolerable at times...yet, I still love the guy!! Can't explain it!! He does so much for me/us, honestly. And he is working on his "crankiness".


Edited by Di (02/17/10 02:26 AM)

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#199770 - 02/17/10 05:31 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Di..Your husband sounds like a faithful , hardworking guy...next time he makes you a cup of tea, try giving him a big kiss and say"I'm so lucky that you are my guy...I love all of the little things you do to spoil me..." or something to that effect...and when the time for your birthday draws near...try saying..." Dear I know birthdy's aren't exactly your thing because I can be difficult to find a gift for...but I saw a beautiful handbag (for example) that I would love to have...would you like to give me that for my birthday this year? That will take the pressure off and you will get what you want...Most Men just don't think the way we do..sometimes we have to steer them in a certain direction and then praise them for it...it's not fair I know..but that is the way the male brain works..thank goodness for sisters and girlfriends...:)
_________________________
Nancy

People may not remember exactly what you said or what you did...but they will always remember how you made them feel

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