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#199492 - 02/11/10 07:49 PM A spouse who does not "do" holidays.
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Does anyone have one of those? If so, how do you deal with it??

(It's not a "belief" thing..just a personal "thing".)

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#199495 - 02/11/10 08:07 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
For any holidays??

I must admit I would be disappointed if my partner didn't want to do any holidays at all. Like not even share in some Christmas-equivalent goodwill holiday? Or some cultural equivalent to thxgiving?? Every culture has a harvest celebration. Every.

For instance, I don't expect my partner to get /feel excited about Chinese New Year's. But then I don't make much of it either. Just a bigger dinner. I eat a certain sweet.

No we don't do hallowe'en at all. If we did, it would be for children.

Valentine's as i mentioned elsewhere is very low-key.
_________________________
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http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#199502 - 02/11/10 10:36 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: orchid]
Edelweiss3 Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
In a way I can understand it. Holidays are manipulated and controlled, often for one thing; get the money rolling.

But then again, you can celebrate low key, just for yoursef and your spouse; especially if it makes the other one happy. That's what it's really about. Sharing a certain day in a special way; a day that is not like all the rest of the 365 days.

How would I deal with it? I'd tell him, he should just fake it,...go through the motions for my sake, and make me happy. If he won't do it;...then I would do something with friends or family and leave him home alone.
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
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#199503 - 02/11/10 11:19 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Edelweiss3]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Thank you for your replies!

A friend just asked me "any plans for V'day?" No, never are any. It's like when someone asks me if I have children...same thing, no. Then I feel worse.

Maybe I need to "get over" this "needing a gift" thing. But all the years growing up, Mom and Dad always celebrated stuff: Birthdays', V'day, Easter, Christmas. DH does not. Suppose it's my fault, too. Then when I get HIM something, he says I do it to make him feel bad since I know he did not get me anything.

Can't win!!

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#199511 - 02/12/10 01:00 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
GUILT the selfish, inconsiderate man. Next time, like this Valentines Day, say, "oh thats okay," when there is no gift, then say "when I'm dead maybe then you will put a flower on my grave." And just walk away, head down...
_________________________
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http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#199516 - 02/12/10 03:32 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: chatty lady]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
I guess I am looking more for those who already HAVE spouses that do not "remember" birthday's, V'day, Christmas etc. Not so much "bashing my man!"!! LOL!!

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#199519 - 02/12/10 05:23 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Di, actually during the first few years with dearie, I forgot Valentine's Day. I think it was partially the fact that I was single for so long (I met him when I was 31) that I never celebrated Valentine's Day except as a kid. Therefore when I was single, I never felt sad nor left out. I didn't pay attention to Valentine's Day at all. Certainly no one in my family expects anything on that day. Christmas and birthdays more..but quite hit and miss.

But now he and I each casually will buy a card, a small sweet or something inexpensive for Valentine's Day. Some years there has been candles at home, wine. Other years not. Hey, I celebrate my birthday 2 wks. before Valentine's Day. I'm sure some lovestruck teens spend way more money than he and I for Valentine's DAy.

Ok,...without gettin' into embarrassing details, how do you 2 celebrate and for what? Is there a ritual event that happens at certain times of the year for each other that both of you celebrate together? Could you 2 start with that instead?

As an afterthought: You know, i don't recall my parents giving each other noticeable gifts to one another much at all...gift-giving is cultural. But clearly we knew they "gave" to each other by doing things for each other, etc.
_________________________
http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#199537 - 02/12/10 10:34 PM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: orchid]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Di, my comments weren't meant to bash your man, well maybe just a little, LOL!!! But this tactic works! I have had three very different husbands and I've tried it myself and from that day forward I was given thoughtful little gifts by the one husband who wasn't a celebrator of holidays either.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#199546 - 02/13/10 01:02 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: chatty lady]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Celebrate? No celebrating here. Well, maybe when we win a game of Cribbage.....it brings a "Saturday Night Fever Dance".

Yes, I know Chatty. I like the "just fake it" thing.....he does NOT do well with "guilting".

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#199550 - 02/13/10 02:41 AM Re: A spouse who does not "do" holidays. [Re: Di]
Ellemm Offline


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 601
This is a tough one for sure. I agree with Edelweiss: either tell him a small gesture means a lot to you or plan something fun with friends, family, or even just yourself. You don't need to try and guilt him but if he just refuses to get involved I don't see where you need to strip your life of the celebrations you like to punctuate the year. My husband does do holidays (he's not perfect at this) but there are some things I have had to learn just aren't going to happen. So I do it myself if it's that important.

Plan now to do something nice for yourself this weekend. Have lunch with a friend, go to a movie, and get yourself a nice little bouquet. You deserve it and certainly aren't asking for too much.

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