I chose to put this in menopause because it seems to coincide with mid-life thoughts and reflections.

I was reminded again today while reading an article that I am not the only one who did, and/or still fills my time with activities and volunteer work because I SHOULD!

While raising my children I chose to do volunteer work because I SHOULD, since my children were involved. You know, give a little back for the sake of the program, church, school, pool, rec. council,...fill in the blank.

I have also spent time saying, "I COULD have done such and such, but didn't because I rationalized:
timing wasn't perfect,
didn't want to afford it,
the kid's desires were more important than mine, I'd have to get a sitter,
what if blah, blah, blah happened...
and the list goes on.

Through journaling and prayer I have decided we are more content when we choose to do what aligns with our God-given gifts. Yes, still voulunteer, but do what best suits you and not the left-overs just because no one else will do it and you SHOULD.

It has worked better for me when I ask myself if I am doing it because I SHOULD, or because I feel called to do it?

And as far as all the COULD HAVES, when things come up now that I think I would like to do..
I am more inclined to go with Nike's slogan and "JUST DO IT".

Anyone else at mid-life experiencing these types of changes?

It's very liberating!

[ July 13, 2003, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

The thing I always ask myself when I read the shoulds versus coulds stuff is what about the haves.

There are certain things you have to do. You have to eat, so you have to cook dinners. You have to be clothed to go out in public, so you have to do laundry. You don't want to breath in so much dust you develop asthma, so you have to clean.

I guess the big thing is knowing when something isn't a have, or how to balance the have tos with the shoulds and coulds. I definitely feel like my life is nothing but haves. This constant sense of responsibility is something I am trying to work on. I guess I should maybe think of some of my haves as shoulds though.

my -- you ladies know me so well

i think life is a growing process -- from the time we take our first breath to the time we take our last breath

it's okay to screw up -- as long as we learn from it

it's okay to not know it all -- as long as we admit it and search for the truth

it's okay to fail -- that's the beauty of being human

but i think the worst thing we can do as humans --is stop wondering should-a, would-a, could-a.

how else will we be worthy of heaven ?????

lionspaaw, I like your philosophy. Hopefully these are the things I have taught my children. I hope they have stuck!

Candice, yes, I belive there are some things I think I HAVE to do and later learn htat life would have gone on if I had't done them. It is also good to delegate and let someone else do the things that HAVE to be done, especially when there is more than one person in a family.

True, it may not be done exactly the way we would do it, but the bottom line is that it gets done. We need to let go of some of the control and we will be much happier...words of wisdom for the day!

good words Dotsie -- the biggest problem i've had to overcome is my CONTROL FREAK personality

the world will NOT come to an end if someone else does something for me -- even if it's not exactly like i would do it