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#195560 - 12/09/09 07:36 PM What happend to our empty nest?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
As many of you know, our daughter moved back home around this time last year. She's working part time and going to school part time. It's working and we've sorta gotten use to her late hours and routine.

Now our youngest son has returned from a 52 day tour with a band where he filmed behind the scenes footage to produce a DVD for the band. He traveled around the entire country and landed home. While he has his apartment in Brooklyn, he's chosen here to chill for awhile. He's great fun to have around. Very upbeat, has his music playing on his laptop while working, camps out at the kitchen counter with computer, hard drives, little hard drives, etc where he organizes hours and hours of footage. HE also shares footage and songs with me as I go through the ktichen. I just love it. He's pleasant, agreeable, and very easy going. He takes after his dad - ha!

Anyway, while it's great having him around, it's another schedule to get use to and plan around. Also meaning more late hours.

While they are quiet through the night, we still here them coming up and down the stairs, or the dog barks because she gets startled, etc.

I guess all I'd like is a complete night's sleep without any interruptions. I-yi-yi.

How do any of you manage all the schedules in your home?
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#195741 - 12/12/09 02:15 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: ]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Don't have an answer but it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your kids, Dotsie. They're lucky to have you and Ross.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#195745 - 12/12/09 05:37 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: Dee]
KC: Joyologist ! Offline


Registered: 11/29/09
Posts: 7
Loc: New Hampshire, U.S.A.
Hey Dotsie:

Sounds like you have a great family and a positive connection with them. How wonderful! What is the band by the way? Are they on youtube yet?

Think the suggestions above are good ones...here's some more that have worked for me and also my clients juggling teens, adult children and lots of schedules.

1. Try talking to them, share your concerns, get their "buy-in" in coming up with solutions. I find that they often don't even think that their "noise" or their life is affecting us, until we bring it to their attention. "Wow, never thought of that." "Geezz, didn't mean to. Thanks for letting me know." "I didn't know it was bugging you, Mom. Sure I can figure something out." My 17 year old just moved in with us again and he's often surprised when I bring this type of thing up...they have such different ways of doing things, and thinking, diff. sleep patterns, etc. Once they know, they often will offer their own suggestions and be glad to do it.

2. Had my son (music lover like yours) put in his own headphones into his own laptop so he happily listened to music and I didn't have to when I was sleeping.

3. Also set boundaries and ask for what you need! They don't know if you don't ask. You don't want to end up resenting him...or collapse from exhaustion. He might try switching his schedule abit...so when you sleep he is doing something quieter...and he can do the music when you are awake, or away from the house.

4. Possibly a couple nights a week, do his thing at a coffee shop or with friends in their homes, instead of at your house every night.

5. OR when he is home...Possibly a fan in your room (white noise) or soft music to drown out his noise. Might help the jumpy dog too.

6. Look at your home with new eyes. Is there a spare room, a basement, an attic, a workshop..a little area or corner that you never thought about clearing out before...that you could declutter and set him up there with a cardtable for his computer and photos...like a mini-studio...thats abit farther from your bedroom?

Good luck...let us know how it goes!

KC smile
_________________________
KC Christensen-Lang
Joyologist/Success Coach/Voice Artist
Owner, Happiness Is...
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#195790 - 12/13/09 03:43 AM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: KC: Joyologist !]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Where I live it is so quiet I love it. My ex knows better then to make any noise when I am sleeping as I don't usually go to bed before 4:00 a.m. He gets up, closes my bedroom door and takes care of the dogs and makes breakfast for himself. Even my dogs keep still until I wake up, then they go nuts barking and jumping around all excited letting me know they are glad to see me...I mean the dogs, NOT the ex...LOL!
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http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#196918 - 01/02/10 01:39 AM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: chatty lady]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
This is going to be a different new year. I am going to think more about me and what I need to make mmy life complete. How about you ladies... Hopefully emptying my nest except me and my dogs.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#197384 - 01/09/10 02:45 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: chatty lady]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 9964
Loc: New York State
Dotsie,
I think you're a neat lady and am delighted to hear what a great
family you have. My son has lived with me on and off over the
years, since he's grown up. But, thank God, it wasn't for very long. He's a nightowl. We are not.

Joyologist,
I love that term.

Chatty,
It may be more peaceful for you, if the EX actually finds a new
homestead!
_________________________
"MOLLIE'S FOLLIES" authored by Bonnie Mill Lemke, aka Jabber,
is currently available at the Kindle Store. This brand new novel, inspired by real life events, has lots of fast-paced action.

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#197415 - 01/09/10 09:49 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: jabber]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Ain't that the truth Jabber? But he just got another 27 week extension on his unemployment, so now he is saving for a car. Geesh, its always something.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#208820 - 11/07/10 07:31 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: chatty lady]
B61 Offline


Registered: 11/07/10
Posts: 5
Hi,

yes, I once had an empty nest ... but now my daughter and her boy friend are now liv'n in the basement ... it is so hard to not feel a little selfish at times ... she has been gone at college for so many yrs ... and now has returned with much debt and no chance at getting the kind of job which will allow her to Live the American Dream that most of us have ... WOW it is so loud around here at times ... I remember when she left for college and how sad it was ... but then one gets use to having an empty nest ... and you really don't ever think/want them to come back ... the hubbi and I have been thinking, over the last couple yrs, about retiring and down sizing ... it is so hard to imagine that my baby is not out in the world getting what is hers ... and live, working, buying a home, and having babies of her own ... I just want her to be happy ... I wanted her so much to have it better than me ...

Is it fair that we have careers and empty nests? very confusing times for this family....

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#208823 - 11/07/10 08:00 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: B61]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3160
Loc: Illinois
Hi B61,

I'm sure you'll find some support here for your new challenges. Good luck!
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#209128 - 11/23/10 02:24 PM Re: What happend to our empty nest? [Re: Anne Holmes]
dejavu Offline
journeyman

Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
Our empty nest exists no more, now that our daughter is living at home while she goes to grad school. at first, she planned to get an apartment with a friend, but now the friend has reneged and our daughter expects to live here until she finishes school, about another year and a half.

and now it also turns out our son will have a few more classes to take next fall (he was supposed to graduate in May, but failed one class and another he needs to take isn't available until fall, erghhh). His apartment lease runs out the end of July and if renewed, has to be for a full year, so I don't expect it WILL be renewed. where he's going to live next fall is still up in the air.

Our daughter is great in almost every way (and straight A student), but she can be messy. But at least she's not noisy. If our son moves back, he'll be neater but noisier.

and to think, I once dreaded the empty nest!

Carolyn
_________________________
My website http://www.carolynagosta.com

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