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#194826 - 11/29/09 07:55 PM Bragging about retirement
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
I guess I'm sensitive to what my personal issues are. A lady kept bragging today about how Wonderful retirement is...and here I sit having to struggle/work the rest of my life. Granted it's not a job that offers me retirement (but I will be eternally clean and have great skin!) She called today, Sunday, so obviously I was WORKING OVERTIME!!

Just a quick note of advice: Think about to whom you are speaking. If you know they work, don't brag. If you do not know what they do, don't brag anyway!

I'd LOVE to do whatever I please but I'll never be able to do that.

Sorry.....had to get this out....she just got my goat!


Edited by Di (11/29/09 08:01 PM)

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#194827 - 11/29/09 08:15 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: Di]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
Being mindful to whoever you are speaking to is a talent worthy of cultivating.If you show genuine interest in the other persons way of life then a good conversation can happen.
We all have our own hallowed ground..for some women who stay at home having a job may be something these strive for.
I listened to a sermon recently that pondered on hoping for "enough" and if thought about that seems a fair thing to wish to have.

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#194867 - 11/30/09 05:07 AM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: Mountain Ash]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Di, myself and several of my close friends, my age who are still working full-time and need to do so, until at least 65, we were saying the same thing as you were thinking: it's difficult to hear others our age, talk about retirement or early retirement. Usually these friends have worked in government for the past few decades.

It's even hard for me to listen to my sister, 1 year younger than I (she is only 49), who is able-bodied and university-educated, talk about vacation on multiple trips by following her working research husband on his international research conference trips. She's been a full-time mom since she was 29 yrs. Her children are adult with 1 of them no longer living at home. I doubt her son (great young man) really wants to live at home. But is looking for work, so not much choice for him right now to live away.

Unless something horrible happens to her husband, I don't she will ever return to the paid workforce. Her mind is in vacation trip mode several times per year, meaning going outside of Canada.

Sorry I sound brutal. But I am her sister and know she is a gifted, bright and fully healthy person who still has alot to offer.

Retiree-friends could help better by playing the role of sounding board for working peers.

I don't mind hearing about projects, volunteer or community work that they are engaged in. After all, some of the non-profit organizations are seriously strapped for funding some staff positions. Some volunteer roles for some organizations, the people undergo a screening process and criminal record checks. Almost like a job pre-qualification. Same for applying to be a volunteer director for some organizations' boards. In our city, there's real competition for certain volunteer board positions at the municipal level. One has to formally apply, like a job.
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#194901 - 11/30/09 04:04 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: orchid]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
I have the attitude of not comparing myself to any other..not their salary their home their lifestyle.There will always be the bigger home or whatever we gauge as important.
Its a mindset that has served me well.I have had goals and mostly they have been fulfilled.
I have I am aware has a supportive family and circumstances have led me to a career I thrived in .I did work hard to gain qualifications and had good people as tutors..

Bragging often covers disatisfaction so anyone who says too much may be covering up other issues.

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#194903 - 11/30/09 04:18 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: Mountain Ash]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Di, that's great advice regardless of the topic. Thanks for the reminder.

Mountain Ash, one of the problems withour society is that enough is never enough.

orchid, your focus on volunteerism is admirable. I'm with you. If one doesn't have to work, then they should be giving back because so many do have to work and can't volunteer. Plus, everyone has soemthing to offer this world.

Mountain, I'm with you. I've often shared these thoughts with my kids. Someone will alwyas have more and someone will always have less. Just be happy with where you are, and if you aren't,do the work to change your circumstance if it will make you happy.
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#194904 - 11/30/09 04:18 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: Dotsie]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
However, it's much easier said than done in this economy.
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#194935 - 12/01/09 12:28 AM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: Dotsie]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I have found that unless your home is owned free and clear and your car too, it takes two incomes to survive or maybe one very good income. I retired several years ago and I get a nice retirement check but still have to work for those extra things. My home is paid for BUT to live here I must pay space rent which sucks. It's as much as a mortgage payment would be. It would cost me over $5000. to move my home not to mention the cost of a lot I'd have to buy. So that means no real retirement for me until the lid on the box closes....lights out!!!
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#197933 - 01/15/10 11:04 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: chatty lady]
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
I'll probably work forever. Like Di, I'm in a profession that doesn't make near the amount of money as a salaried job -- most of which come with benefits, which I also have to pay for myself.

That said -- I agree with Mountain Ash and others -- retirement is not an issue, but bragging is.
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#198538 - 01/26/10 07:09 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: meredithbead]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Di,
Bragging is just in some people's personality. I had a dear friend who bragged endlessly. But the guy would drop everything to help someone else and everybody thought the world of him. He died way too young, so all that bragging did him no good. He had everything but was in debt up to his eyeballs. Still he was a nice guy. Point is, some people just like to brag. They seem insensitive to the fact that it turns others off. Whatever. We're all different. Sorry about folks saying stuff that hurts.
I know how you feel, though.


Edited by jabber (01/27/10 02:28 PM)

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#198546 - 01/26/10 08:24 PM Re: Bragging about retirement [Re: jabber]
Josie Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: NJ
I feel there is no sense in bragging, because you never know when your circumstances will change. I've worked full time since the age of 15, and have had to start over a few times in my life.

Since my last full time job folded a few years ago, I have been fortunate for the first time in my entire life to be at home without having to worry where my next meal would be coming from.

My estranged "baby" sister, who never worked until she was forced to get a job and start supporting herself in her 40s, had always criticized my decades of full time night nursing, saying that I was money-hungry and left my child to work so I could have “fancy things” like a house and a car. lol (She lived with my parents, then on the government dole, and then having my older sister support her for a long time.)

When I tried to explain that I was putting my then-husband through college and that I wanted a modest home and a better life than our family had growing up in tenement projects, she scoffed and continued the name-calling, while saying that she would NEVER leave her own child to go out and make money.

I guess you call that reverse-bragging. lol

Yes, my husband (who still works full time) and I have a lovely life right now, but we each know that it could all be gone in a second. If and when that happens, we’ll both live in a rooming house if need be, and if God allows it, we’ll take care of each other as best as we can.

My 54 yr old sister, who has chosen to live in a studio apartment in a bad neighborhood, works 2-3 days a week as a nurse to afford her rent, utilities, and 2 religious trips to Europe each year. She says she does not need to work more days per week for “things,” because "God will provide."

When I mentioned that she may want to consider working a tiny bit more to have health care insurance, she said, “ Why should I? If I get seriously ill, there are enough programs out there.”

All that being said, I think some people who brag are scared about the future period. Some do it because they are ignorant. And some are like my baby sister, who take what they can from others for as long as possible, but do little to help themselves.

I will never be retired from volunteerism and from using my survival instincts when needed. We each have to choose our own path, with the knowledge that it could all change at any time.

Life is like that. That's for sure!
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