A loved one might have a fatal disease. She sounds fine now but will be undergoing more tests. Some family says it "does not look good".

What do you say to someone who may have an illness that is terminal and they are depressed about it...for obvious reasons.

Thank you, friends. I covet your loving and understanding advice.

Di...I am sorry to say that I haven't a clue what I'd say to someone in that situation. I guess maybe we'd both cry and then I'd ask that person what I could do for them. I am sorry I cannot be more help....I'll send prayers up for you and your friend...God bless.

I suppose just being there for her but try to keep a smile inside your heart and on your face. Sometimes all we can do is tell them that we will be there for them no matter what, AND the most important thing is not to do like some do, keep them at a distance. I will never understand that but have seen it happen too many times. If she has a serious condition she will need a friend now more than ever before. It is all for her now, put your own feeling and fears on the back burner. I hope this helps.

Yes, very helpful. This person, a relative, lives far from me so "being there" is not something I can do.

I recall when Mom was so ill, I, as an 18 yr old teen, kept a distance. There was no way I knew how to handle it. A first death in a family..and it was Mom. So I'm kinda not really sure WHAT to do.

Eight years ago I had a friend pass away (she was around 43)..left two young children. I sent her a few things and cards etc. It was hard for me to call her. I wonder if cards are enough.

Gosh, this is so hard.

Hallmark makes cards with appropriate sentiments for situations like this. You might want to send one.

I'm praying for you.

Just being there, sitting with them as they rest, reading, walking the dog, helping with chores, watching tv together, listen, tell stories, read a book to their child or grandchild, wash the car, and continue being apart of their family/village.

Good answer, Mustang.

Mustang speaks from very recent experience. Being a part of their village is a great answer.

Seeing into a situation can help. It all depends on what stage the ill person is living in. Sometimes the person wants to seriously avoid the topic altogether and they like things around them to proceed as if nothing untoward is happening in their life. Sometimes they say that but they really want people around them and they might accept help if they feel it is needed.

In my opinion, we boomers are in a good position to assess the needs of those who are termnally ill, since we are now approaching our own mortality too.

"I'm here for you."

"Here is my number in case you need me to run an errand or just to stop by."

"I love you."

When words seem useless, sometimes a simple hug (physical contact) means so much to one who feels already dead.

We are living through the final days of two people at this present time.
what you say Josie...I echo..mostly the message.."We love you" it says it all..that without doubt the person/people who our friends love and will leave will be in our circle for ever. because they are no longer in this dimension we with add yet more love.
Its painful waiting...but it reinforces that each day is important.

Wonderful advise from everyone Di. Here is what I did with my dad when he was in his final stages. The doctors already told him he didn't have long. Here is what I said to him, "Dad, I know what the doctors said, but I am here to tell you it is still okay to hope." I learned that from the twilight brigade dot org. This is an organization founded by Dannion Brinkley, they help those in the hospice, in particular those who are in the military.

Please keep us posted!

Love and Hugs,
Cathi

Anne, I recall when you were caring for your mom. What a gift you were to her.

I like your idea of being very practival with the dying.

Would like to recommend two books:

Tuesdays With Morrie and Final Gifts

Well Anne, gift or rotten cook, I'm sure even if she didn't say it, she also thought of you as her angel at times and did appreciate you. Some people just can't allow themselves the pleasure of a kind word to someone else and that is so very sad. You know you did right by her and thats all that matters...

I agree. Anne was extremely self-sacrificing. No one could have done more for their mother, and I'm sure she appreciated Anne's every comfort measure. I know I would have.

Whatever you do for someone very ill or dying isn't enough. I don't mean that the way it sounds, what I mean is at a time like that, they need more than most even realize. Give of yourself first and foremost, you will never regret it.

Bringing this back up...

Cousin never told me she was terminal. We talked by phone every few days. We reminiscenced and laughed 'bout old times. I didn't know the last year of her life, was the last year of her life. It was probably better that way. She knew I was going through heavy-duty stuff with another mutual friend and didn't want to add more heaviness to my spirit. Had I known, I don't think I would've known what to say. I've two other friends currently terminal; not only don't I know what to say, sometimes I don't know what to think or how to act. There is so much sadness in this ole world; my thoughts are looking forward to Heaven and Eternal peace!

Only say good luck, and encourage her live with all your love, passion, do things that she doesn't do.

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