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#191624 - 10/12/09 08:16 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: Josie]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Originally Posted By: Josie
Would you, boomer people, ever "be with" another man (whatever "be with" means to you) if your current one died or left you?


Have you read all our replies? Several of us interpreted the question quite broadly as to be with another man..who also is a partner in every sense of the word.

It would be a mistake that for 2 people who have been sexually faithful and respectful to one another, been part of each's family activities for many years, that their relationship is viewed as "less" than a legal marriage or less enrichening psychologically than a legal marriage.

The only thing now, is in the eyes of the law that elevates a legal marriage over others...is access to property rights/assets/benefits. Certain there are marriages that appear loving, when in fact there was a whole other agenda of financial convenience and total dependence of 1 partner on another person's income and dependent partner does not take steps to understand about budgeting, etc.

My response is: every woman and man needs to earn money and learn how invest/save money properly for long term. I have little patience now for women or men who take no responsiblity to learn how to budget/invest or get reliable/trustworthy help with objective expertise. This would relieve alot of situations that lead to such "marriages" which there are long-term financial dependencies ...which down the road some people are afraid to leave a bad marriage or feel they cannot fulfill their dreams (if they need money to return back to school, start up biz) or messy court settlement cases on division of assets in a divorce or lose health care insurance. (latter less of an issue in Canada.)

Then 2 partners can focus more on growing as individuals in their goodness and strengths together.

How many marriages can survive what my relationship has survived: where he and I lived had to live 3,000 kms. apart for 2.5 years? Many couples cannot conceive of this..I suppose it must the bodily and spiritual that must be joined together every day. I chose for the sake of my career to stay in 1 city and he was forced to relocate by his employer or lose a huge hunk of his pension and not be able to pay child custody... let's get real here.

We've been together as a couple for nearly 18 consecutive years. smile

What is far more important ...is still not the wedding ring nor piece of paper is how the fidelity, respect and deep sharing of a life together is lived every day in a spirit that each person helps the other grow better.
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#191659 - 10/13/09 04:19 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: orchid]
Josie Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: NJ
I'm glad your relationship lifestyle works for you, Orchid. May it continue to grow in the years ahead.
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#191663 - 10/13/09 04:42 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: ]
Josie Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: NJ
Originally Posted By: Anne327
Letterman's behavior is inexcusable in my book. Is it fame or wealth that makes these guys think they are above moral rules, and their behavior somehow does not affect others? Especially family? Or does he think he is really a politician? smile .

I see the way some guys treat their aging parents, and I'm glad I'm not their spouse. Sooner or later I may get sick or injured first, and if they can't treat their parents well, they won't be a good caregiver to me. Sheesh! If it isn't drinking, gambling, abuse, undisclosed massive unpaid bill$ or adultery, it's inability to deal with reality.

I'll marry my cat first, B4 putting up with any of the above.


I totally agree with you, Anne, about seeing how a man treats his other family members, especially his ageing parents.

I think a strong value system which includes treating parents with great respect is especially important in today's society, where values of ANY kind seem to have been watered down significantly.

When I was dating, I looked for someone who believed in values similar to my own. He didn't have to belong to my church, but he certainly had to be a man of faith, a man of total commitment, a man of personal accountability, a man of moral and ethical principles, and a man who respected women. That aside, he had to be intelligent, have a sense of humor, be kind-hearted, and there had to be a chemistry between us.

I didn't date casually ("friends with benefits"), and I made a couple mistakes in judgement, but I sure wasn't willing to settle for less than what I considered the right man for me.

As life changed over the years, I hadn't counted on male mid-life crisis. lol But in looking back, it still worked out perfectly. I kept to my standards, and God-willing, it'll last forever.
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#191724 - 10/14/09 10:35 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: Josie]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Letterman is a PIG, and what makes it even worse is that he is the first one to throw stonesw when someone else makes a mistake in their lives. I have seen his wife, the poor thing looks like a house frow, more like a housekeeper. I feel so sorry for her having to have their dirty laundry aired in public, world wide...

About being with anyone else once a spouse dies. My Uncle Joe died at the age of 44. They had three young kids and my Aunt raised them alone. In her later years probably mid-fifty's she met a man that was at her side at all family doings. She never remarried but he was her companion for years until she passed away.

I remarried after my first husband of only five years passed away, but not for two years. I was still in my twenties then. I believe it depends on the people, ages and circumstances.
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#191732 - 10/14/09 11:27 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: ]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I agree Anne but these women of Lettermans were under his control if they wanted to move up the ladder and maybe even just keep their jobs. He knew this and took full advantage of it, and the CREEP kept doing it after he was married and a father. I hope his wife divorces him and castrates him on the way out the door...Talk about proof positive of adultery!!!!
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#191766 - 10/15/09 11:16 AM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: chatty lady]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Think about this before you remarry! (Instructions are at the end of it) LOL!


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#191791 - 10/15/09 05:45 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: chatty lady]
Josie Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: NJ
Originally Posted By: chatty lady
I agree Anne but thesew women of lettermans were under his control if they wanted to move up the ladder and maybe even just keep their jobs. He knew this and took full advantage of it, and the CREEP kept doing it after he was married and a father. I hope his wife divorces him and castrates him on the way out the door...Talk about proof positive of adultery!!!!


Very funny, Chatty!....

The other day on Dr Phil, the subject was adultery. Phil had 5 "long-term mistresses" explaining THEIR side of the adultery issue. The general consensus among them was: If a wife kept her man happy at home, he would not be out there cheating.

GRRRRR I was soooooo glad when one male cheater (The show "dotted" his face) countered that thinking by saying, "My wives all made me very happy. I'm just a hound dog who likes to cheat, as my several wives can attest...." Right now he is living with a woman, who probably recognized his voice and the back of his head, as this cheater said his live-in companion always watches Dr Phil. This guy has NO idea what a full commitment means, and in my opinion should not be with any woman until he grows up. But at least he took the blame off wives and put it where it belonged: on himself and his poor choices.

Yes, there are people that marry who shouldn't. And no person is perfect. But for a group of mistresses to think a man always cheats because of a wife's flaws, is ludicrous.

My first husband was almost always home and we held hands all the time, we were a loving couple, we did the flowers, love notes in his lunch, romantic dates, etc. Every day he told me I made him very happy and he loved me dearly.....Until I found out suddenly about the double life he was leading.

Back to Letterman: Whatever happens, I hope he is truly ready to mend his ways and be the committed partner he should already know how to be.

As for Edwards, I'm shocked a man I once considered voting for would do something so heinous to a woman he says he loves, and who is in a Stage 4 cancerous condition. Elizabeth has been so very gracious during this remaining part of her life. She has already faced the death of her son, and now this public humiliation. I so admire her determination to be a better role model to her remaining children, so they can learn about the real meaning of love.

If I were single and available, I would NEVER go out with a married man, no matter how low MY self-esteem was, or how rich and powerful HE was.

I agree that every personal situation is different. But in my world, if the guy is married, he has made a personal, spiritual, and legal commitment to be a fully committed partner to his spouse in every sense of the word.

(I learned all this through Catholic school, life's experience, and "Judge Judy." lol)
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#191795 - 10/15/09 05:52 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: Josie]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
jj, way too funny.

Josie, that's because you have high morals and value yourself.
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#191934 - 10/16/09 09:37 PM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: Josie]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Josie, thats easier said than done dear. My husband and I owned a cocktail lounge called the Speakeasy and we were busy all the time. I saw men in there who had lovely wives and children and they were always chasing one young skirt or another. They told bare faced lies like, I'm single, never been married looking for just the right woman. They lied about jobs, said they were pilots, we were close to O'Hare. Six of these men actually rented an apartment together to take their conquest to. None of them lived there it was just a shack-pad.

After my first husband died, I met a man at a funeral I went to with my mom and we talked for quite awhile, and on the weekend he showed up at my work asking to give me a ride home. I took the bus back in those days. We went out probably three times and he was just delightful. Mother was invited to an anniversary party some weeks later and asked me to go with her, I did and as we sat there and people wandered in, mom called out to someone saying, Helen come meet my eldest daughter. I met her and she says, my husband is around here somewhere I want you to meet him Charlotte, (my mom's name.) Suddenly this man walks towards us and as I turn to meet him guess who it was, yep Steve, the man I had started dating and liking alot. If a man could actually drop his teeth or sh// nickles, he would have. Although he called me many times after that, that was it for me.
So you see Josie, sometimes a woman doesn't know a man is married and believe me it is hard to tell. They always have some comeback when quizzed.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#192179 - 10/21/09 12:12 AM Re: Would you remarry? [Re: jawjaw]
hotflashgal Offline


Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 191
Loc: New Jersey
Late entry here, but wanted to post anyway. I would not get married again. I have been married twice and engaged once. My fiance, whom I met after my first marriage, died 11 years ago, and honestly he was what I would consider my soul mate. My first husband, who had quite a wandering eye, gave me my beautiful children. However, it was my relationship with my fiance who made me know what love and compassion truly is. Through him, I learned what it was like to love and be loved. I think I should have quit after he died and saved myself quite a bit of aggravation. I really thought I could find "it" again, but that was magical thinking.

Now, at 51 I am becoming quite satisfied with being by myself (my current husband isn't here much)and I have little to no patience for the nonsense and baggage that has come with my second marriage. I think the bags would only get bigger if I were to dabble my toes into the water again, so I think it would be best to keep my feet dry.
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