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#188319 - 08/15/09 03:47 PM The birds are returning.
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Our little feathered friend seem to be coming around and some of the babies they had earlier are now happily flying and splashing in the nbird baths. We speak of empty nests regarding our kids, what about in the animal kingdom? Our kids have it made, they can come home again if they want to. Unless we move and not give them our new address. LOL!

I for one would be thrilled to have my boys back and their families. Or is it better for a parent to move in with their adult child if times are tough? Are times ever that tough? Whats your thinking on this?
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#188389 - 08/16/09 04:44 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: chatty lady]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
I'm thinking it would be easier to live with a granddaughter
than my son and his wife. I really don't know. It's just a
thought that's way out there somewhere.

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#188396 - 08/16/09 08:24 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: jabber]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Chatty, my brother and his wife recently moved in with Dad to help care for him. I see this as a huge sacrifice on their part, and am amazed that it's actually taken place. I can't imagine giving up my home and making the move. Even though all of us pitch in (taking dinner tonight) it's not the same as moving in. It's made life much simpler on the rest of us siblings. This was an eldercare issue.

If you're talking about the economy, I know plenty of the younger generation who have moved back home alone, and with children. I think that has to be tough, especially if it's because they've lost jobs, are unemployed, and around all the time.

I hope I don't have to depend on a soul to care for me. Wishful thinking!
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#188398 - 08/16/09 08:53 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Dotsie]
Edelweiss3 Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
Has anyone heard of this? Twenty-four hour senior help, from young women in Poland and Lithuanian.

The organisation sends trained women to households all around Europe to take care of seniors around the clock. Every three months a new one replaces the former caregiver. These are young active women, who do everything from chauffeuring the patients to laying an intravenous needle. The costs lie between 1500 euro and 1900 euro ( $2130.00 – $2700.00)per month. I find this to be a perfect solution, and most importantly the seniors may all remain home.

These organisations are becoming increasingly popular, and have an excellent reputation to boot.

Dotsie, I can’t imagine giving up my home to care for my mother. What a sacrifice. I’d be amazed too.
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
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#188409 - 08/17/09 12:50 AM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Edelweiss3]
KathyC Offline


Registered: 08/07/09
Posts: 42
Loc: North of Dallas, TX
My daughter has promised me for years, that she will be hiring help to take care of me, if I should ever need it. It's really a standing joke between us. But I think she is wise to have this viewpoint. I cared for my mother the last 6 - 8 months of her life. Hardest thing I've ever done (and I've given birth with no drugs). And it truly affects the memories you have of your parent, in my opinion. I didn't care for my dad in his last days. But I sometimes wish I hadn't seen him four days before he died. Not the best memory. I would have preferred the time before that as my last memory - he was still talking and getting around. And still his funny self.

I don't think I could have my daughter living at home again. Even when she comes for a visit I get a bit annoyed - sleeping way into the middle of the day, etc. Reminds me of those trying teenage years. And I want to pull my hair out by the roots. LOL!!!
_________________________
Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bullshit, take chances, & never have regrets, because at one point, everything you did was exactly what you wanted.

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#188423 - 08/17/09 01:23 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: KathyC]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Edelweiss3,
There a couple local organizations that go into an elder's
home and do light house chores. Older folks can choose the number of hours they want assistance and young people come in an do housework, prepare meals, and help with whatever is needed.
It sounds good, if the caregivers are honest and trustworthy.
Some are not. And that's a worry. But I like the overall concept. Older people can live at home and that alone is comforting to the aged. But families should keep an eagle eye on what's going on.

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#189037 - 08/28/09 02:34 AM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: jabber]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
I hope I am not a burden to anyone. I don't mind going to an old folks home as long as it's not one that abuses the elderly, you know?
My parents are gone so I don't have to make that choice about them.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#189039 - 08/28/09 02:59 AM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Dee]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
I never want to go into a nursing home, never. I pray there will be something better for me. After my mom being in one and my aunt being in another, I can't imagine ever going to one again! Horrible - just horrible. No way for one to end their days.

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#189043 - 08/28/09 06:15 AM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: gims]
Edelweiss3 Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
A nursing home is only acceptable if a family member keeps an eagle eye on the going ons. If you don't have that, then I think getting live in help at home is the better alternative.
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Goethe

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#189045 - 08/28/09 10:58 AM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Edelweiss3]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
ABBEYFIELD
I have great respect for one type of care availiable.We had a relative in one such facility.Her room was furnished with all her own belongings...she made her own breakfast and snacks but a beautiful dining room was set up for lunch and evening meal..
there was a housekeeper...and domestic help...
we visited at any time..a relatives room could be used for family who stayed a distance..the house was a grand Victorian house and the grounds well kept.Even a little dog stayed there with the housekeeper.One lady had her grand piano and gave short concerts...
but the downside was that once the person became in need of serious nursing they had to move...now the society have continuing care...they moved with the times and need.

Facts about ABBEYFIELD
Abbeyfield UK was set up to protect the future of the Abbeyfield movement and is itself a member of the Abbeyfield Society. Abbeyfield UK was registered as a social landlord (RSL) in 2003 and has since grown rapidly in size as many local societies chose to merge their operations with a professional central organisation. Abbeyfield UK is building on its achievements to further develop innovative, high quality care and support services for older people in care homes and supported sheltered housing across England.

There are Scottish Welsh and Northern Ireland arms of the Abbeyfield movement, and the Abbeyfield Society acts as a co-ordinating function for the movement. Its website will signpost people to a range of care and support services for older people.
Our Philosophy of Care

Abbeyfield UK’s mission is:

"To help an increasing number of older people enjoy a high quality of independent living provided through a range of services, including housing, support or care, with local community involvement"

Key to Abbeyfield UK work is the view that:

* older people have an important role to play amongst their families, friends and in their community
* overcoming loneliness and insecurity can make all the difference to a person's wellbeing and quality of life
* local people have an essential part to play in helping older people in their community.

Abbeyfield UK offer residents:

* The chance to live in dignity, valued and respected as individuals, enjoying all rights associated with citizenship
* Privacy and confidentiality in respect of their private affairs
* Security and safety within their homes as part of caring community, able to enjoy the right to be alone and undisturbed
* The opportunity to live a full life and seek fulfilment as individuals, making informed choices about the way they live their lives
* As much independence as they are able to enjoy, taking their own decisions and appropriate risks
* Access to a complaints procedure that generates service improvements

Abbeyfield UK offer commissioners:

* Over 50 years experience of working in local communities
* Small homes that are part of the community that allow residents to feel at home
* Professional, trained staff who understand the needs of residents who may only need short stay or respite care
* Specialist services in some areas looking after people with special needs- such as dementia care or mental health needs
* Flexibility to develop our services to meet local needs and work in partnership with commissioners to meet local strategic plans
* A dynamic and creative approach to providing and developing innovative services for older people in remote communities
* A national provider seeking local solutions with excellence in service provision

Abbeyfield UK look for opportunities to enhance the role of volunteers to promote companionship, health living activities, physical & intellectual stimulation saying ”we believe volunteers add value in a care setting by a restoration of peer group support and bringing the dynamism of activity and enthusiasm. We seek to anchor the home in the life of the wider community.”

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#189051 - 08/28/09 05:44 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Mountain Ash]
Lola Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
Mountain Ash, there's a similar resident facility in my Borough. About a mile or so from where I live. Morden College is a gated community with individual homes and lovely gardens. I have only recently come to know what the community was about and thought that it was attached to the Girl's Public Day School Trust next to it. And, owing much to the term "College". Both are situated across from the heath where the Wat Tyler Revolt congregated.

MORDEN COLLEGE
Morden College is a long-standing charity which has been providing residential care in Blackheath, south-east London, England for over 300 years.

It was founded by philanthropist Sir John Morden in 1695 as a home for 'poor Merchants... and such as have lost their Estates by accidents, dangers and perils of the seas or by any other accidents ways or means in their honest endeavours to get their living by means of Merchandizing.'

Morden College was built (to a design sometimes attributed to Sir Christopher Wren, but largely carried out by Edward Strong, his master mason) on the north-east corner of the Wricklemarsh estate. It was described by Daniel Lysons in Environs of London (1796):

"It is a spacious brick structure, with stone coins and cornices, forming a quadrangle, which is surrounded by piazzas. Over the front are the statues of Sir John Morden and his lady. In the hall are their portraits, and that of Queen Anne. In the chapel are the arms of Sir John and Lady Morden, and a record of benefactions to the College since the founder's death."[2]
The original college buildings were intended to house 40 single or widowed men. College trustees were drawn from the British East India Company and Turkey Company. Lysons reported:

"Sir John Morden placed twelve decayed Turkey merchants in this College in his lifetime. He died in 1708, having by his will, bearing date 1702, endowed the College, after the death of his lady, with estates which are now about 1600l. per annum. Lady Morden, finding her income not sufficient to continue her husband's bounty to twelve merchants, was obliged, during her life, to reduce the number to four. She died in 1721, when the whole estate fell in to the College. The pensioners must be upwards of 50 years of age, bachelors or widowers, and members of the church of England; their pension is 40s. per month. There are commodious apartments for 30, which number, if any vacancies have happened, is filled up once a-year. The College is under the government of seven trustees of the Company of Turkey Merchants.

During the 20th century, admission requirements were amended so that the college could accommodate women and married couples, and several new buildings were added. The College also manages other homes in Blackheath and in Beckenham."
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#189054 - 08/28/09 06:03 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Lola]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
Philanthropists and forward thinkers...we owe a lot to this type of person.
If you are ever in Edinburgh there is a shop where the items are so well made and all for a good cause.The knitting is superb and think fair isle socks...babies jackets/shawls..
I like to think of the good people who have benefited society in the way you tell Lola..and the Abbeyfield concept.
........................

The Royal Edinburgh Repository
And Self Aid Society

The Repository for Gentlewomen was started in 1882 by a Mrs. Humphrey and run by two sisters from their homes in York Place. There was obviously a need for this kind of charity and it progressed through various rented properties until finally in 1921 they bought 137, George Street where they flourished and became part of the Edinburgh scene until moving to the current location.

In 1921 the Repository wrote to Queen Mary to ask if they might make some of Princess Mary’s trousseau – this was declined, but the Queen said that as she recently purchased some garments from the society, these could be included in the trousseau.

Sale of Work NoticeThere were a large number of sales of work in houses and several others in locations outside of Edinburgh, including London in 1897 with the goods being transported to and fro by a horse and cart for 7/- an hour!

For the start of The Self Aid Society, we have to go back to the aforesaid Mrs. Humphrey who, after running the repository for 11 years, became seriously ill and was away for some time. On her return it was found that were several irregularities for which she was unjustly held responsible – so she left, taking many friends and supporters with her and started up another society – The Self Aid for Gentlewomen, and it was finally constituted in 1893. We don’t think that they possessed any premises until the late 1900’s because the work was all done by orders and posted to members, but they did have the big sale annually in the church hall. The society moved to the basement of these premises, for a rent, sometime before 1930. In 1941 there was a great difficulty in getting materials and wool to work with because of the rationing, and both societies, with much petitioning of the Board of Trade, and help from the W.V.S., obtained trading coupons to buy the necessary materials.

The Self Aid Society managed to buy the whole building in Castle Street in 1946 and with the letting of its upstairs floors; the ground floor was used as the shop.

SamplerAs time went on, it was obviously uneconomic to run the two shops doing virtually the same thing – so with much legal palaver and extra committee meetings, the amalgamation took place in 1977 remaining in the Castle Street building as it was a larger premises than the George Street Shop. This was the forming of The Royal Edinburgh Repository and Self Aid Society. In 1986 the shop received a face lift to bring it fresh into the modern age.

Our aims have not changed over the years, the only difference is that we now have male, and younger members as well – owing to changing circumstances we now have member's who's partners are unemployed and also "one Parent Family", members. At present we have well over 250 members from throughout the U.K.

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#189055 - 08/28/09 06:43 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Mountain Ash]
Lola Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
The Royal Chelsea Hospital is another that I admire, MA.

http://www.chelsea-pensioners.co.uk/admissions

I think, it's good that these communities exist. And, that they have been established from a common bond. It would be utopian if worldwide, there would be residential facilities for all walks of life. Can you just imagine a residence of retired artists and writers? The creativity will not be stifled by old age and lack of companionship of the same ilk. There was something in the RCH that seems to operate on the basis of surrendering any claim to pension whilst living there. I think it's great considering the care which the residents get in return. I wish there were more of these around. Then many of the elderly would not have to live on their own.

And they've now admitted women pensioners as well. Is'nt that smashing?

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#189066 - 08/28/09 07:54 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Lola]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
When we had problems in education with hierarchy a friend and I would fantasise about a coach trip (imaginary) and share who we would invite on the journey..
Over days we would suggest so and so...and agree yes...and sometimes no...
our way of coping with humour and imagination.
SO
Who would you have in your Utopian community Lola...?
from all areas of life..some family..yes think so..and as a measure someone from the wider world..

Me...I choose family...Tony Benn...poets/ authors..(that will do for now)
..yes I would pool resources .

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#189077 - 08/29/09 12:49 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Mountain Ash]
Lola Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
Apart from family, I think I would lean towards the company of teachers...in all forms of discipline, MA. I have always admired the teaching vocation and it will be a good way to pay forward.
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#189080 - 08/29/09 02:12 PM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: Lola]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
EW, I"ve not heard of that, but it's much cheaper than taking the elderly out of their homes and placing them in care facilities, at least here in the US. Some are apying double that! I'm sure they'd rather be home. To stay in your home and have continuous care in the US is cost prohibitive for most citizens.

KathyC, I agree wholeheatedly about eldercare being one of the toughest jobs in the world. My brother and his wife have moved in with Dad and I can't tell you how grateful I am for that. I don't know how they do it, and he's a breeze to care for. IT's just that it's continuous. I have way too many ants in my pants to stay put and care, though I guess I could do it if I had to. I'd do anything for Dad.

Dee, you have a good attitude. I think it's better for us to think that we may end up in a home because our kids are so spread out these days. I'm thinking that the end of life is when we are going to have to be the most patient. I've got a lot of learning to do before then.

gims, I hear ya, but I don't know how many options there are going to be for many of us. I still think buying a communal home and caring for one another may be the way to go.

Mountain, save a place for all of us Abbeyfield! Sounds wonderful. Better get our names on the list now. I'm sure there's a wait list.

Speaking of wait lists. That's a huge problem in the states. It's time for Mom or Dad to go to an eldercare facility and the wait is 2-5 years. You must plan ahead ehich is so hard because they can be healthy one day, and then the next soemthing debilitating happens and you're stuck.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#189440 - 09/06/09 12:26 AM Re: The birds are returning. [Re: ]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
And as it is looking now it will be getting even worse and not better. Geesh!!!
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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