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#217529 - 07/10/12 11:00 PM Re: Body image [Re: judym]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
JudyM, I thank you for posting on this topic. You have revived an older thread, so I don't know if or when any of the prior posters might reply.

However, we did a very good teleseminar last month in which Dr. Tara Allmen MD was the guest. She is an expert in menopause and post menopause medicine. Specifically a National Certified Menopause Practitioner. And she posts frequently to our NABBW Facebook page, as well as to her own Facebook page. And her New York practice, the Center for Menopause has a website.

Based on what she said during the call, I think she might advise you to consult with an MD who specializes in menopausal medicine. Or this website.

Good luck, and let us know how things go for you. Meanwhile, hopefully some of your fellow forum members will have some experiences to share here. Anyone?
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#217537 - 07/12/12 02:29 PM Re: Body image [Re: judym]
Ellemm Offline


Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 601
I think the changes our bodies go through can be difficult to accept. We all like to think we'll be the only woman whose hair doesn't go gray or whose neck doesn't get wrinkly or who never changes sizes, but getting older is a humbling experience.

I think you might need to some help getting through this. If more of your sense of self-worth has been invested in being a certain clothes size than you realized, any changes can feel devastating. And I do hope you get past this. I know someone whose entire life has been focused on her appearance. Oh, she's super thin, all right, but she's also super nervous and super boring. At a time when other women have invested themselves in their families and hobbies and careers, she's got her size 2 clothes and that's about it. The sad thing is, no one cares what size she wears; they just wish she's be a little more interesting.

I will say that one of the things that helps me a bit is to remind myself that I have friends who are struggling for their lives with illness and that I'm now 3 years older than my mom was when she died. My gray hairs don't look so bad then. Best wishes.

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#217538 - 07/12/12 07:55 PM Re: Body image [Re: Ellemm]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
Thanks for helping put aging into perspective, Ellemm.
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#217541 - 07/13/12 11:07 AM Re: Body image [Re: Anne Holmes]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
To add to this...when someone invests TOO much in her home by that I mean new things replacing the older just because of current fashion .Then although the house looks splendid there is a lack.A lack of connection to how the person has lived.
I call to mind a friend I visited recently..she is replacing a very nice bathroom because one tile is wonky on the floor.I suppose it keeps workmen and companies in work.For me...I like what I have.I replace broken and worn items but never have revamped just because new things are in the shops...

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#217546 - 07/13/12 07:48 PM Re: Body image [Re: Mountain Ash]
judym Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 156
Loc: AL
you are really both so right, it is a demon I will learn to live with, and get help dealing with. So much old baggage and that is no way to go into the golden years, with those old chains around the spirit. There are way too many bigger weinies to roast, and I do feel so guilty, there are so many more that deal with so many other more pressing, horrible, things.. I was just feeling really out of my skin when I posted, just really annoyed at my body, and very low. I went ahead, donated everything that didn't fit, went to the thrift stores and got a few pieces that do, and that was a good balm and bandaid for my low self esteem. I know I need help with it, and Moutain ash is very astute. Wish me well, if you would...it's going to get better for sure.

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#217549 - 07/14/12 09:54 PM Re: Body image [Re: judym]
judym Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 156
Loc: AL
in retrospect, here- was just looking for some knowledge from anyone else that had dealt with this aspect. I don't have many friends to bounce this off, sadly, that is just how it is. I can't even bounce it off my dear one. I DID hear what Mountain Ash had to say,and I felt scolded and rebuked. I just looked to here for others to say somthing similar, it's a NORMAL thing. I don't go for the webinars, and perhaps I should. When you live with this, and you live with a perfection thing that is part of your being, ingrained, it's not an easy pass there even with help, especially with the other chains we carry along our path. Good advice, well taken, but really just looking for some more personal input there, those that have dealt with. It really made me come short, thinking OK this site is a LOT different when it used to be- and maybe time to just get off it and look elsewhere for a kindred aspect. Bonjour!

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#217550 - 07/15/12 04:09 AM Re: Body image [Re: judym]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
Hi Judy,

If it (your body image) is bothering you, then it is a problem for you, and I'd like to think that we forum members are here for everyone, no matter what they want to talk about.

The forum IS different these days, probably especially since Chatty died. But please don't think that we are all callous and don't care about your feelings. We're just in a state of transition -- but then life is always in a state of transition. If things weren't changing, we'd all be dead, right? smile

I don't know anything about dysmorphia, that is a new term for me, but I did look it up online, and Web MD has a pretty good description of it, for anyone else who might be as puzzled as I was.

I don't have any similar experiences to share. But I do think that if this problem is bothering you as much as you say it is, it's time to stop trying to tell yourself that you are strong enough to deal with it alone. That's being abusive to yourself.

Instead, be kind to yourself --be self-loving -- and consult with an expert who can get you some assistance.

IMHO life is too short to waste it worrying over having gained a dress size: as we age, our weight redistributes and other than becoming a "gym rat" (as in someone who lives in the gym and works out constantly) in order to maintain a former dress size there's not much to do except gracefully accept this.

I'm sure I'm of this opinion because my first husband died of cancer before he was 45. He never had a chance to see his kids get into high school, much less graduate from college, find careers, marry or have children of their own.

When he died, I promised our kids I would take good care of myself, so they wouldn't lose both parents too early. I have tried to do that. Please try to take care of yourself, JudyM, so you can be there, as long as possible, for YOUR family. I'm sure you'll find that this is pretty important to them, too!
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#217551 - 07/15/12 01:26 PM Re: Body image [Re: Anne Holmes]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Some excellent ways to help modify /cope with our changing bodies. For certain a woman's metabolism slows down a bit even with regular daily exercise. My focus health wise still is on my health, fitness but a whole lot less on fashion clothing. smile

But to off-set my passion for cycling (for Judy: I returned to cycling 20 yrs. ago.), I do have other passions but right now fallen along the wayside/lying dormant. Blogging is the only thing right now. I still have a full time job since I'm only @53.

We don't have a car so I get around by bike/transit/walking), are other passions. Focus also continues on being mobile and able to move around to do stuff. Perhaps focus on latter instead.


Edited by orchid (07/15/12 01:27 PM)
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#217560 - 07/17/12 01:14 PM Re: Body image [Re: orchid]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
I'm also one of those women who has struggled with body image, though not obsessively so. As a younger woman, I was too skinny (98 pounds at the age of 36). While it seemed to bother everyone else, the only time it bothered me was in church because it hurt to sit on those hard pews (my bum was too skinny, no padding).

Now I'm at the other end of the spectrum...overweight with a BMI that worries my doctor. I seemed to settle in at about 160lb, and nothing I did ever made a difference. Diets, exercise, nothing budged. It wasn't until I had my full hysterectomy in 2010 (due to uterine cancer) that the weight finally began to come off. Even then, it takes hard work and diligence.

Now I've just been diagnosed as low-end diabetic. That seems to have sparked me to make some changes in lifestyle and diet. My brother sent me some ideas of what has worked for him, and I've been following his regime and - gasp - it's actually working! I've lost close to 7 pounds in less than a month!!! Mind you, I've had to cut out almost all carbs, which has been difficult.

I still have to tweak my diet, to make sure I'm getting a healthy balance of all food groups without spiking my sugar. It's been an interesting few weeks. I just added ice cream yesterday (~2 tbsp in a small cone) and was delighted to discover that it didn't appear to affect my sugar. Small tweaks...those 2tbsp (after not eating any at all for so long) were more than enough to satisfy my yearning, while still maintaining my target sugar level.

I think if we obsess about anything for too long, it becomes monumental and too overwhelming for us to face and/or tackle. For me, everything is better if I break it down into smaller more manageable chunks of "do-able". I can't look at more than 1-2 days ahead...or worse, on the failures of the past. I have to focus on here-and-now, today, and what I can do TODAY to make even a small change or small difference.

If whatever one is doing isn't bringing peace, resolution or some sense of accomplishment, it's a sign that we need to change our tactic and try another way...and if that doesn't work, then try another way tomorrow. Eventually we do find one that works.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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#217562 - 07/17/12 08:03 PM Re: Body image [Re: Eagle Heart]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Eagle,
I really, really like this signature, Maya Angelou quote. Great stuff. Sorry about the diabetes, my MIL had that and she was so thin, I couldn't remember that she had it.

JudyM,
All the while I was young, I didn't like my nose. Then I didn't like my legs. Now I'm glad I have all three. Some folks' don't. I don't think anybody is ugly: God made us and God doesn't do any wrong! IMHO!

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