Eagle Heart, precious lady, I'm sooooooooooo glad to hear you say that...it brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could reach through the wires and give you a big hug and tell you, in person, how proud of you I am and how honored I am to meet you.

Yes, please do remember to honor what you have done. And yes, depression does that to us, doesn't it? If you can find the teenieset, tiniest thing that worked for you, count it as a successful day.

While working at a Business Analyst job about a year ago, I had an opportunity to stay late and chat with a cubicle mate. I don't know how the conversation turned to depression...and it did. I was talking to a woman with a beautiful smile for everyone and the most encouraging words for all who crossed her path. Little did I know that she was what I call a 'functioning depressive'...she did that during the day, and shunted herself off to a blackened home every night.

As a natural coach, I tend to give assignments to folks and hers was to purchase a book we had discussed (Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting) and sit with the lights on in her house for 5 minutes. She agreed and when she returned on Monday she had done it...took me a bit of time to convince she had done well and when I did, she gleamed. So precious, ever so precious.

So if you put on socks, give yourself credit...get out of bed even for a few minutes, walk to the mailbox, smile without grimacing. Give yourself credit. It all counts honey, it all counts. And they are all steps that will help you on your journey. And they are all worthy of celebration!

Believe me, I practice this too...I'm grand at lifting others up and counting every step with joy and expecting absolute perfection from myself. One of the gifts of my adrenal collapse last year was teaching myself how to be nice to me. For weeks, I counted myself successful (at least that was the theory...I didn't always succeed...grin) if I made my husband's sandwiches and was out of bed for an hour!

Fortunately, I had a multi-person support term who served as accountability partners ... and when I forgot to celebrate my successes, they were there to do so and remind me to be as gentle to me as I was to them when they were walking a similar path.

This is going to sound like such a minor thing to most people here, but it's a small victory for me. Ever since Gary died, I've had a fairly severe phone phobia. Most days I cannot answer the phone or use the phone to make a call. I break out in a cold sweat, and get so nauseous I can barely breathe. It's been very frustrating, especially for hubby. But since most of the calls are work requests for him, and we have an answering machine, it hasn't been all that inconvenient, because it's better if those calls go to the machine anyway.

But tonight it rang, I knew the caller, and even though it was for hubby (he's out visiting neighbours), I suddenly decided to answer it, though it took me four rings to be able to do it. It was very uncomfortable, but I DID IT!

I'm SURE that it's a direct result of the encouragement and empowerment I've found through this thread.

OK, I'm jumping up and down, screaming for joy! And you listen to me girl, this is NOT A SMALL THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And yup, I'm shouting!!!!)

THIS IS A HUGE THING. A GARANGATAN THING. A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so proud of you and you only waited 4 rings? Wow....

Congratulations sweetie, congratulations, congratulations.

Eagle, I join in Mama's happy dance for you. It makes me want to pick up the phone and call!

One thing, one day at a time.

Whow knows what you will tackle today...

Thank you Mama and Dotsie. I'm blushing. Imagine dancing for joy over a 53-year-old answering the phone! Seems so silly. But as you say, one thing, one day at a time. After that phone call, the phone rang several more times and I couldn't answer it. But by then hubby was home. But all of the calls were for him anyway.

I'll make a resolution to answer the phone at least once a day from now on, unless hubby answers it first, which he usually does, on the first ring (he LOVES talking with people and enjoys answering the phone, so who am I to take that little pleasure away from him...) But seriously, I'm going to do it. Calling someone else is the bigger challenge. When I finally get up the nerve, my best girlfriend has to be the first one I call...she knows about my phobia and has been patiently waiting for that day. Maybe next week when I know she's off work.

Anyway, perhaps it's the placebo effect or maybe the AD's actually working, though at 5mg/day, that's questionable, but I'm feeling different/better. More stable. Sleeping straight through the night for three nights in a row (that hasn't happened in over 6 years), rolling out of bed without too much difficulty, not so jittery, no vertigo...I also started on a multi-vitamin this morning, so we'll just see how it goes. It's hard to ward off the stress of having a full house over Christmas, but I do feel slightly calmer. I think this thread has helped immensely.

Hi Eagle Heart...

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better...that is great news! I wish to apologize for my insensitivity on "pushing" using the phone to access resources. I didn't realize the situation with the phone and totally understand now why that wouldn't be an option for you.

My suggestion? Focus on the different/better and don't focus on the "why". I'm doing another happy dance for the improved sleeping pattern, no vertigo, not so jittery pieces. Those are the "things" you want, right? So now is the time you do what you can to focus on the "what I want" not the "what I don't want". That is one of the biggest things that I've found is tough to do and is a big piece of how I've been slowly, but surely, learning to do.

Continue on sweetie, continue on and PLEASE do let us know what you need...whether it is a happy dance or something else, you *get* to have what you need!

MA wrote: "The books and beliefs are but aids ... the authors sent to help us but the true empowerment is within." I'm glad you wrote that. It's what I believe as well. We humans take in and process in different ways: for some it is books, for others, maybe music. I do think that these books, music, whatever, are sent to help us, as tools. Thanks for a great comment, among so many others

EH, I'm so glad to hear that you took the step to reach over and answer the phone. It's not such a small thing. It is you being strong, getting healthy, growing every day.

Enjoy Christmas, EH ..with this new liberation.

Hi Princess

You are so right...each of us finds our "ah has", successes, learnings in a different way at a different time. I've read tons of books, listened to tons of recordings, attended many different events, heard all different types of music and I've seen this over and over again. What touches and connects to one person doesn't even enter another person's consciousness. Aren't we blessed there are so many ways to reach out and touch someone, knowing it will reach exactly the right person at exactly the right time.

And I sooooooooo forget that when I get in my poo poo pile about that sometimes!!!!!!!