Twas the night before Christmas, I crept through the house
and searched for the cookies, avoiding the spouse
I keep off the hall light and prowled round with care
Hoping my thighs wouldn't knock down a chair

My pup and my honey were asleep in their beds
While I was here tearing a lettuce to shreds
I tightened my girdle, pulled up my chin strap
Opened the fridge and began to unwrap

I moved the cheese over and pulled out a platter
while sticking my finger in cookie dough batter
When all of a sudden I had a hot flash
I practically lost the whole works in the trash

The breast of my chicken was white as fresh snow
I placed it right next to my big sloppy Joe
Oh look, peeked my wandering eye “over there”
Nice cobs of corn, for my favorite reindeer

I had to be careful, yet, quiet and quick
'fore hubby would catch me with dear old St Nick
Of course there was no one else but me to blame
I chuckled and worked near the blue candle flame

Now sweetie, my darling, my sugar, my vixen
He'd say all of that if he'd catch me here mixin
He thinks there's no Santa, Ohhh nooo, not at all
He'll be here I thought as I strained my tea ball

I squeezed out the whipped cream, some squirt in my eye
How pretty it looked on my blueberry pie
I jumped to the stove top to check on the stew
Not missing a lick of my chocolate fondue

Tomorrow I'd carry the burden of proof
Tonight I 'm just gonna sit down here and wolf
I ate all the chocolates and cakes by the pound
A swig of fresh eggnog helped wash it all down

I found myself tired but had to stay put
And added some garlic to fresh ginger root
I whipped up some h'orsdoeurves and just set them back
I'll eat them at midnight if I get an attack

My eyes were all red from my 1st Bloody Mary
So full, when I burped, that I popped out a cherry
When just out of nowhere I heard a “Hello”
I nearly 'bout choked on my gob full of dough

Any for me, dear, he smiled through his teeth
Shhh I said, quiet, and have you a seat
Been waiting here for you, here's stuff from the deli
And some of the cheese that you like, good 'n smelly

Eat up now, I whispered, got the place to ourselves
Oh yes here's some cookies for your Keebler ..uh elves
Here's you some roast beef, and fresh sandwich spread
Hurry now, so I can creep back into bed

Yes, thanks for the lunch, he gave a sweet smirk
I'm full but it's time that I get back to work
He put up his finger, wiped cream off my nose
Kissed my cheek, passed me his usual white rose

He looked me all over and gave a low whistle
Girl, your still so pretty, like the down of a thistle
I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight
I'll see you next year...If you're up for a bite.

©hickadee 2004

oh my gosh.. Chick!! What a story!! YOu did an awesome job.

Chick!

You had an affair with SANTA? I would have NEVER believed it if I hadn't of read it here in black and white. Well? Tell all girlfriend...inquiring minds wanna know...I mean, is he REALLY that jolly? Details girl, details!

Loved it!

JJ

And just HOW did you ladies think he got so.....Jolly ???

Yep just as I thought, there was a boomer in there somewhere making that pudgy little chuckle...No one gets that happy from JUST milk and cookies, you go chickadee, he he!!

Chick, you need to submit this baby. It's great! Have you?